It’s not a tough choice at all. Don’t do it when he’s there. If that’s a problem, send him home. I don’t have a problem with fingernail painting, but either respect dads wishes or do not have the kid there. Sometimes parents will object to certain foods, or gun play, or certain movies, video games, whatever. If you have the kid over, respect their wishes. You don’t have to have the kid over if it creates a problem. This isn’t hard.

FWIW dad has been fine with like, I'm not sure how to articulate this. But when dd and neighbor got close he asked us if we planned on staying in the neighborhood long term. Because kid had had a lot of upheaval in his life he wanted us to stick around and told us that. And not in a wishful way, almost in a guilt trip way. Dad has no problem letting us watch kid all day or letting kid be enfolded into our family.

This was my thread about this kid asking me to come to his recital from a few months ago: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/803608.page#15010267

I don't want to undermine dad but it bothers me that he is fine with his kid osmosising into our family and then trying to dictate what we do in our house during the day. I think dd and our family means something to the kid, I don't want to hurt this kid at all.

And to be totally open, kid was visibly upset with nanny when his dad was talking to her, sad and embarrassed. And I don't want myself or nanny to create that embarrassment in him.

Because most boys don't wear nail polish. How hard is that to understand and respect?

If he was just occasionally over I’d say follow the dads wishes but you can’t essentially outsource your parenting to someone else for free and expect things to be exactly as you wish. If you think that maybe the dad would give the kid a hard time or make the kid’s world even smaller then maybe take it off before you go home. Tough choice tho.

Can’t you just tell your kids “some families don’t think it’s good to paint nails so we’re only going to do it when it’s just us.” Then I’d kid comes over, nail polish doesn’t get put out or if he comes over and it’s out you say “oh, some parents don’t like polish so it’s our rule that other kids can’t paint nails at our house. Let us finish up then we can do something else.”

There are lots of parents who wouldn’t want you painting their kids nails, me included - even for girls. If you are otherwise are happy with this kid being over, honoring their wishes is a kindness to him and the dad. It sounds a bit like you’re uncomfortable telling your kids no to an activity (I may be projecting there) but that’s really all that needs to be done here.

Also I haven't done anything about it yet at all this all happened this evening.

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if you put nail polish and nail polish remover on my kid after I expressly said no. I don’t want the chemicals or the look! You would be completely undermining him. What do you get out of that? You are totally in the wrong, OP.

I'm not putting anything on him or encouraging it. He requests to participate in the activity that is happening and does it himself.

I would be livid if you put nail polish and nail polish remover on my kid after I expressly said no. I don’t want the chemicals or the look! You would be completely undermining him. What do you get out of that? You are totally in the wrong, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad didn’t want his kid to have sugar would it be that difficult for you not to give it to him?

The dad doesn’t want polish on his kid. It’s not a huge request. You don’t let it happen and then remove it before sending him home, either.

The kid is at our house ALL the time. Like 8 hours a day when hes not in school or camp. It would legit hurt his feelings to start sending him home at times like this.

That’s his dad’s choice.

The kid should not be at your house that much. That's crazy. send him home at nail paint time.

Don't do nail painting activity when neighbor kid is over. Simple as that. All nanny has to say is later , lets do chalk and slime now.

Anonymous wrote:If the dad didn’t want his kid to have sugar would it be that difficult for you not to give it to him?

The dad doesn’t want polish on his kid. It’s not a huge request. You don’t let it happen and then remove it before sending him home, either.

The kid is at our house ALL the time. Like 8 hours a day when hes not in school or camp. It would legit hurt his feelings to start sending him home at times like this.

If the dad didn’t want his kid to have sugar would it be that difficult for you not to give it to him?

The dad doesn’t want polish on his kid. It’s not a huge request. You don’t let it happen and then remove it before sending him home, either.

Have the nanny send the neighbor boy back home when DD wants to paint nails.

I have one DD age 4, one ds age 2.

DD is queen of the castle and DS adores her and so there's a lot of girly stuff in our house because she loves it. Not uncommon to see DS in a princess dress running behind his sister. He likes plenty of traditionally Male stuff and so does dd but we make essentially no distinctions other than potty techniques.

Neighbor kid is 7 and loves dd and DS too really. Kid is a little weird, only child raised half abroad, his mom died of an illness when he was very young and dad recently remarried. Be and dd ste really fast friends despite the age difference and generally I think be enjoys our family. His dad is a good dad but their house is kind if sterile and we're more of a crazy messy anything goes operation.

So dd loves fingernail painting and neighbor kid has been doing it with dd and DS and nanny. It's just peel off stuff. I've been thinking this will bug his dad who is kind of older and more conservative (not politically just personality). Well today neighbor kid painted one of his hands pink and dad told nanny to discourage neighbor kid painting nails.

I'm not inclined make a big deal about this. Im not gonna not allow it because that will make ds and dd feel weird about something they like. Im inclined to just make nail polish remover accessible at the end of these activities but is that undermining? Im also kind of annoyed he put this on nanny.