Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 and 14. The 14 yr old got a smart phone when she started high school,, and as she put it "Even the boy who wears the same sweatpants every day and has no friends because he only makes moose noises has a phone."

The reality is, kids make their plans with each other via phone. Teachers expect kids to have cell phones. So she has one, and there are a lot of rules attached.

She does not realize this, but she is VERY busy for a reason. She has minimal time to sit around with her head in a screen. The 11 yr old is still seeing almost no screens.

Wow. I hope you immediately changed the subject from her getting a from to how she can practice being a more compassionate human being. I would feel like I had failed as a parent if my children said something like that.

Ours are 6 and 10. They get to watch 2 shows on Friday and 2 shows on Saturday. That's it. They are accustomed to it and don't whine or beg during the week because they know they will get to watch something on the weekend. During vacations or when we are with relatives, we are flexible.

My 10-year-old was one of two kids in her 5th grade class without a phone. It is going to get harder to limit screen time but we will do what we can and re-evaluate if need be. Many parents I've spoken to whose kids have phones are constantly having power struggles about screen time and I just don't want to deal with that right now.

Teaching moderation is good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in this boat, too, though my kids are younger. We were doing really well until baby 2 came along. Now our older son gets between 60 and 90 minutes of screen time a week. I’m hoping to cut back once we are done breastfeeding.

When I taught, I noticed that the language varied between families. The better behaved kids tended not to own technology in late elementary. Instead, they spoke about “the family iPad” or “ mom’s phone”. Obviously not a hard and fast rule, just an anecdote.

OP here. You're in survival mode, wouldn't sweat it! I think the main thing is the family culture like you said, not number of minutes clocked in any given period. Btw not sure if your son will be into this, but mine loved books on tape for that second baby period also. There are so many good ones nowadays -- all the Arnold Lobel, James Herriot, Curious George treasury, etc. I would get the books as well so he could look at pictures at the same time.

We were so purist about screen time until we had a second kid. Then all bets were off...

Didn't let mine watch tv at all under the age of five. They can watch some now- middle school/high school but they still ask if it is okay. I'm pretty easy going - they tend to watch 4-5 hours a week during a normal school week. More at vacation time. They got phones in middle school - smart phones if kept straight As....no social media yet. They group text with friends but I'm trying to avoid that. They are all great readers and have lots of activities. No one is glued to their phone during meals/around the house/ etc.

Go to Waldorf school. Avoid public school. It’s screen hell.

Moderation Op.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And "screen" doesn't necessarily always mean unlimited YouTube and Fortnight. It can be educational, engaging, music, instructional (my kids love watching various hair braids videos for example), and the list goes on.

Having said that, even if kids (especially older ones) play video games or watch movies they can still grow up to be normal and successful members of society...not to mention the social factor w/ friends.
Dh, for example, spent hours playing Mario Bro and other video games and watching movies w/ friends. He is a happy healthy great person.

They will also be getting "screen time" at school. Everything from reading practice, math games, brain breaks, coding, and computer games to kill time during indoor recess is the norm.

For us, kids are 4, 8, 10, and 12. The older kids don't play with toys as much as they did when they were younger . Long gone are the days when legos, barbie, and shopkins lasted all day long (my 4 and 8 yr old play happily though). Sure, the kids have their sports, the neighborhood pool, friends over, read a lot, we are out of the house a good chunk of the day, but they're awake and underfoot (im sahm) for 14, 15 hrs a day. So I allow screen time . Their choice if it is a tv show or computer, but no more than 1 hr in the morning and another 60 min in the afternoon. (veg out time after being out most of the day).

Anonymous wrote:I am in this boat, too, though my kids are younger. We were doing really well until baby 2 came along. Now our older son gets between 60 and 90 minutes of screen time a week. I’m hoping to cut back once we are done breastfeeding.

When I taught, I noticed that the language varied between families. The better behaved kids tended not to own technology in late elementary. Instead, they spoke about “the family iPad” or “ mom’s phone”. Obviously not a hard and fast rule, just an anecdote.

OP here. You're in survival mode, wouldn't sweat it! I think the main thing is the family culture like you said, not number of minutes clocked in any given period. Btw not sure if your son will be into this, but mine loved books on tape for that second baby period also. There are so many good ones nowadays -- all the Arnold Lobel, James Herriot, Curious George treasury, etc. I would get the books as well so he could look at pictures at the same time.

You can make all your dumb little no screens rules when kids are young, but they'll just double down on technology when they become tweens.

My all wood toys, no screen niece and nephew never look up from their phones as young adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are about the same ages as yours and we limit but maybe not quite as much as you do. We let them have 1 hour/week on average but most weeks none during the school year and some weeks 3-4 hours.

I don't plan on giving my kids smart phones. I've read too much about that. I hope people like you are in my community so my kids won't be such outliers. I know it'll be a lot of work on my part, but I know how much unhealthier I am because of my phone (working on it) and I am terrified of doing that to their developing brains.

Actually, that seems high, maybe more like 2-3 on heavy weeks which happens I'd guess 5-7 weeks/year. They do get too much from grandparents periodically though.

OP here. We have an acquaintance who is 8 and hooked on video games, iPad, phone, TV . . . it's a little intense, because he can play other things for about 5-10 minutes but then starts saying he wants the games. In that sense, for me it's almost less about the screens in and of themselves and more about giving them the chance to develop other habits, skills, and interests that they might never discover if they have the easy entertainment on tap. Whatever it is -- reading, building, art, music, playing games that involve face-to-face interaction -- I feel like I don't want them to miss out on all that fun.

Really hoping that there will be other families in our community who share that approach, but I realize it is hard. I wonder sometimes if they'll feel socially left out.

I am in this boat, too, though my kids are younger. We were doing really well until baby 2 came along. Now our older son gets between 60 and 90 minutes of screen time a week. I’m hoping to cut back once we are done breastfeeding.

When I taught, I noticed that the language varied between families. The better behaved kids tended not to own technology in late elementary. Instead, they spoke about “the family iPad” or “ mom’s phone”. Obviously not a hard and fast rule, just an anecdote.

My kids are 11 and 14. The 14 yr old got a smart phone when she started high school,, and as she put it "Even the boy who wears the same sweatpants every day and has no friends because he only makes moose noises has a phone."

The reality is, kids make their plans with each other via phone. Teachers expect kids to have cell phones. So she has one, and there are a lot of rules attached.

She does not realize this, but she is VERY busy for a reason. She has minimal time to sit around with her head in a screen. The 11 yr old is still seeing almost no screens.

Anonymous wrote:Mine are about the same ages as yours and we limit but maybe not quite as much as you do. We let them have 1 hour/week on average but most weeks none during the school year and some weeks 3-4 hours.

I don't plan on giving my kids smart phones. I've read too much about that. I hope people like you are in my community so my kids won't be such outliers. I know it'll be a lot of work on my part, but I know how much unhealthier I am because of my phone (working on it) and I am terrified of doing that to their developing brains.

Actually, that seems high, maybe more like 2-3 on heavy weeks which happens I'd guess 5-7 weeks/year. They do get too much from grandparents periodically though.

Mine are about the same ages as yours and we limit but maybe not quite as much as you do. We let them have 1 hour/week on average but most weeks none during the school year and some weeks 3-4 hours.

I don't plan on giving my kids smart phones. I've read too much about that. I hope people like you are in my community so my kids won't be such outliers. I know it'll be a lot of work on my part, but I know how much unhealthier I am because of my phone (working on it) and I am terrified of doing that to their developing brains.

Our 6 and 2 year old are basically screen free, with the exception of the occasional YouTube video (usually of something real, like music performance, nature, trucks) and FaceTime with grandparents. 6 year old has seen 2-3 short (~30 min) movies, maybe 1x a month. iPad for travel with limited apps.

We would like to continue more or less minimizing screen time. I'm wondering whether parents with older kids can give me a sense of how this goes as they get older. Eventually we'd like to add in a movie night once every few weeks but not social media or unlimited YouTube viewing. Is this realistic, and how does it work with kids socially as they get older?