It's a playdate FFS not a wedding. They're kids and a postponed playdate should not be a big deal to either you or your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

No, she is parenting. She picked the consequence that worked best for her kid and is following through.

When a parent is flaky and canceled a few times I no longer tell my kids about the plans, make them and if they come great and if not, no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Telling the plans in advance was a mistake, but now you know. Kid could just as easily have gotten sick and had to cancel. I’ve never had to do this but I could see not feeling like you can reward your kid with a big fun day if they arent behaving.

The only reason I told my son was because I confirmed with her a few hours ago. Once I got the confirmation, I figured we were good to go.

I think it depends on the age of the kid and the behavior that is being punished. My toddler would be less likely to make a connection between her behavior and the loss of a desired activity than my 3rd grader, for one thing. For another, if my kid isn’t listening to me at home and is doing things that are dangerous, I am not particularly inclined to take her somewhere where there are other people she might hurt or disrupt in some way.

Saying it that way is rude, because it seems like a punishment to innocent guests.

It would be much more polite, and perhaps equally accurate, to say: "Larla is very tired today and has been misbehaving so much I prefer to cancel because no one is going to enjoy themselves. I'm sorry for the last minute notice."

Sorry, OP. Telling the plans in advance was a mistake, but now you know. Kid could just as easily have gotten sick and had to cancel. I’ve never had to do this but I could see not feeling like you can reward your kid with a big fun day if they arent behaving.

Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

I'll play devil's advocate: maybe the other mom knows her kid well enough to know she'd be punishing you and your child even more by keeping the play date due to her kid's escalating behavior. I get it. Our kid is bright and loving but is also explosive and makes bad choices. I'm sorry you are inconvenienced, but can you take your kid(s) to do the thing anyway? Were you relying on her for transportation?

Sometimes I avoid scheduling play dates for this very reason - if my child is in a bad place it's going to be a disaster for us all. I will add that I'd also categorize my child as "special needs" but maybe your friend's child isn't categorized as such? I don't really know about your specific situation, but it definitely sucks to take away something fun you had planned with your kid (and others) for all parties involved.

Agreed!

Just do your plans anyway or invite another kid.

As a general rule yes, but if he’s causing that much disruption she may be doing you a favor keeping him home.

I agree. She should have come up with a consequence that didn’t inconvenience others.

Agree with you completely. It is inappropriate to spread consequences to others.

I hate when this happens. It’s not fair to me, or my kid. We had a big day planned with a friend tomorrow and she just canceled due to her son’s behavior. I’ve already shared the plans with my son (rookie mistake), so now we have to go alone.

I know there’s a lot of angles here: maybe she didn’t want to come anyway, she needs to follow through, if her child’s behavior is so bad then he shouldn’t go, etc.

But it still stinks for us.