Hugs OP. I kind of remember how it was with my kids at that age. Now that they are 20 and 18, I kind of long for those years! Is there an outdoor pool nearby? My kids were so active, I had to find activities around all the time. Summer at the pool, then a friend that lived close and her kids(about the same age) play dates. One day they would go to her place, next day, I would have hers at my place so that both of us could have some rest(or catch up on chores). Having three kids is lovely, don't listen to evil pps who have nothing useful to offer. The best advice I can offer is to give each kid a hug when you think things are getting out of control. Even to tell them, "mom needs a hug right now." That usually calmed me and the kids down.

If your husband has time for date nights, then he has time to stay up and be 100% responsible for the kids two nights a week so you can try to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I would try to discipline more. It's too back 8 yo doesn't like cleaning or having a serious conversations about her misdeeds - but both need to be done. I may not feel good to be the bad guy and come down hard on infractions, but in the end everyone benefits from a calmer and more boundaries-based home environment. Messes can still happen, but total chaos - no.

Probably get flamed, but when my 3 yr old learned how to climb out, I put a small step stool up against the crib. I figured if he learned to get out, I'll at least make it safer by putting a step stool for him to put his feet on instead of "falling"/wedging his feet in between the skates trying to get down.

So, do you have a routine each day which gets everyone out of the house for at least 3 hrs? Need free/lowe cost ideas for a broad age range, I'll give you specifics (3, 7, 9, 11 yr olds)? It makes a huge difference in the general mood and eliminates stir crazyboredom that seems to be fueling your problems.

You seem to be hyper focused on cleaning. Are you anxious? Looking for instant gratification in your life? Do you sacrifice playing with the kids to scrub the bathroom?
Are you sure it is more of a clutter issue and not cleaning? You probably like clean sight lines, but instead you see stacks of various library books next to the couch or a mountain of barbies in the corner?

The net isn't safe. Work on your kids behaviors and figure out a better way to parent them. You should have thought about it and being overwhelmed when you choose to have three. Most houses with 3+ kids are very chaotic.

Sorry, we all have these days. It sounds like cleaning is your biggest stress, you keep mentioning that. I would sit down and outline the issues and have a meeting with your kids where they offer solutions. No bad ideas and everyone works together to come up with a plan of what they will do to help.

I also find it's helpful to employ natural consequences and have a timeline that we need to be out of the house. For example, we are going to the pool at 3. All of these chores need to be finished before we can leave. If you're not helping, we will miss out on the fun activity. So if you are too upset to clean, you will also miss the pool. This will cut out the manipulation.

Also play dates are a good idea. It sounds like they're probably tired of being around each other. Good luck! This shall pass.

Really big hugs. Summers are hard! Can you reach out to friends of the 8yo for play dates? I love when my kids friends come over, they entertain them so much. I’m sure someone would be happy to take her off your hands for a few hours.

Please let us know what you decide. I’m rooting for you!

Google PEP parenting. It’s a non-profit based in Maryland. I was having trouble with my one, and the classes I took were a huge help. My favorite class as the 8 week class for parents of toddlers. It was great to try things out and report back the following week. Even if you’re not sure, the intro class is free. You have nothing to lose. If you really can’t afford a more expensive classes, they offer scholarships. I think you only pay half now, and repay the rest if/when you can. No interest, just the honor system. Some classes are now online, but I drove there to take mine in person. A mother’s helper is great until she leaves, and then money is gone. A parenting class will pay dividends forever.

I felt the same way about my 4 and 2 year old today. Just insanity at my house and too damn hot to be at a playground other than early in day. We go to pool so much that my kids are sick of it. I need summer to end. I love being outside with them but can’t stand the heat!!

It sounds like you need some counseling with your kids, preferably at home, to show them how they need to help you at home, and to help figure out the Ill-timed meltdowns, and to help them to know when to take a break from each other. It sounds like they’ve taken over and you’ve lost control and are very overwhelmed. Good luck to you op. The sun will come out

Op here. Thanks for the first response.

I think they’re all asleep. I’m having an anxiety attack right now. I think it’s calming down. I just can’t get over this tortured feeling. The lack of rest, the constant mess, the trying to improve things and getting pushback from these little people. Nothing is just easy.

Text some friends and line up some play dates for the 8 year old. She’s probably bored out of her mind. Make the 4 year old have quiet time while the two year old naps and lie down and rest yourself.

Sorry to say I don’t want solutions I mean, by all means offer them up.
I’m just in a really hopeless state where I do feel like I’ve tried everything.

Bad day today. My kids are driving me nuts. I really don’t want specific advice bc I know some solutions. They all cost money which we don’t have.
-this summer has been hard with my three(8,4,2). The two year old climbed out of his crib so we made it to a toddler bed. He now has a hard time sleeping.
-all three are great kids. They’re awesome individually. But they’re ‘bouncing’ off each other all day. Their interactions are at least 50% positive, but then the fighting, the accidental hurting (the intentional hurting), the wildness and inability to listen because they’re so loud and disobedient together....
-today I was almost constantly in a bad mood. I just felt very tired and need a break from them, and the ^^^ is absolutely relentless.
-they’re SO messy. And my 8yo is the most masterfully manipulative when it comes to cleaning up. Absolutely will not listen, and it’s far past time to teach her (and a little bit the 4yo) how to pick up for like 5 minutes. She gets out of it by seemingly throwing some kind of emotional fit. It’s ‘convenient’ for her to have emotions at the same time that I’m asking for help cleaning. I’m very responsive to negative feelings, willing to talk things over anytime. But.. I’m very skeptical of the timing during those moments.
-our house is an utter mess. I clean 3hrs at a time, a few days a week (sometimes less than 3 hrs). Dishes are no problem. Laundry is no problem. I’m very good at those. I don’t begrudge cleaning, but when I have finished a big cleaning session, it still doesn’t look nice. There’s a LOT more work to do...
-between all of them, I can’t get 8 hours of sleep at night. Between the last one sleeping (2yo is tapping at his door now at 11pm), and the need to wake up, I can’t get it in. It’s ridiculous bc I thought we were all good, at least as of the whole past year....

I just can’t take the pressure coming from every direction.

Solutions that cost:
-I have reached out to a house cleaner. We’re talking/scheduling/just waiting to hear back. We *cannot* afford extras right now, but she could ask me for $$$ and I would pay.
-I thought of getting a mother’s helper for just this week. Depending on how much I hire one—could be talking hundreds.
-want to get the crib back together and use a bed net thing - it’s $40 which could be a waste if it seems stressful to the 2yo...... what do you think?
-I’ve had a babysitter for dates/events twice in the last two weeks. So it’s not that. A night out doesn’t cure this.

Husband offered solutions - they sound god - but fact is my kids won’t listen anymore. He sat the 8yo down to talk about some rules, and she felt like she was in trouble / shut down. She is a wonderful kid, one of the teacher’s favorites, but again, shuts down for us
-I’m not depressed. I’m personally very happy and doing fine, but something has gotten majorly majorly harder with each of my kids in the past 2-6 months.