Why would it be wrong? Do what's best for you. No need to bring more children into this world if it's not meant to be.

I am thinking about quitting too. After 4 stim cycles with only 1 egg retrieved from each, I am thoroughly demoralized. only thing keeping me going is my age (36) and generous insurance coverage.

If anything, I think it’s a good thing to really think hard about your limits. I see too many posts on here of people who are spent after a long road. But if you change your mind later, that’s ok too. Right for now isn’t necessarily right for all time.

OP here. I truly appreciate everyone's thoughtful, warm, and informative feedback. I expect to turn to this page again in future times of doubt. XO

I wish I had given up on OE IVF earlier and moved on to DE IVF right away. I had no kids and really wanted to be a parent. I tried various ART treatments over six years (after trying on my own for two years) and was completely exhausted and strung out. I was young but had DOR and they just kept saying to try again. I moved on to DE and I easily had three kids in five years (no twins) and have exactly the family I want. I wish you the best in making the decision that is best for you.

I don't think stopping is bad at all, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. Personally I feel like the never give up or it only takes one sayings can often do more harm than good. These are very expensive treatments, and the success rates can really vary but with some diagnosis's they are really low, not to mention the invasiveness of it all and how much of the treatment is on the female vs male. I stopped after 3 awful cycles and at first yes I thought what if I stopped too soon, even got comments like why didn't you keep trying you just never know. But my diagnosis was severe DOR, likely now to be POF, would not qualify for any shared risk programs, and also needed a surrogate so throwing gobs of money into trying with my own eggs was also just taking money away from the additional treatment we would need. It is okay to walk away from something that isn't working for you, or is mentally/financially hurting you. It's not been almost a year since I stopped trying with my own eggs and yes at first I felt pain/sadness/like I hadn't done enough, but honestly in time these thoughts mostly passed and I was able to see ust how bad my cycles were (2 eggs no fertilization, 3 eggs 1 mature 1 fert, and 5 eggs but no fert and only 1 mature). It helped that I was open to donor and had some examples in my life of people who had used donor options though for them it was mostly donor sperm. But I really liked how one of my friends had met so many of the children created by the donor she picked and had built relationships with their families/kids around the same age as her daughter. It helped to normalize it, as well as some books about raising donor convinced children.

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP, just hugs and solidarity in your direction. You might hear things like it only takes one, or to never give up, but with a poor diagnosis and so many out of pocket costs your stopping point whatever that is is completely valid. Hugs.

Have you had a consult with SG for one of their guaranteed programs? The guarantee of baby or money back may help ease the stress of financially paying out of pocket. (My friends are feds, but live in VA and had at least 3 cycles covered at a high percentage, but maybe it varies by agency?)

Is it wrong to want to give up—helll no! Speak with your partner and decide how much you can financially and emotionally handle. My advice is to seek counseling, if needed. Know your stopping point and if that is now—be comfortable with it, plan a vacation and move forward.



Infertility treatment were more mentally difficult for me than physically. My “line in the sand” kept moving based on my desire to have the family I always envisioned having. We’ll do IUI, but not IVF. We’ll do IVF, but not donor egg. Etc... We have 2 kids from 2 shared, guaranteed DE IVF cycles following 6 IUIs and 2 OE IVF cycles out of pocket.

I know there can be a strong culture of try forever! Don’t give up if you want a child! But I really think it is healthy for you to stop and reassess between cycles. There is no shame in stopping. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Good luck and wishing you all the best!

You’re allowed to do whatever feels right for you!

You’re also allowed to step away, reassess and change your mind.

It can be so hard to give yourself theses permissions when you’re in it!

I quit after one cycle because I disliked the entire process and found the side effects too difficult. Dealing with unexplained/DOR secondary infertility after a quick and easy time getting pregnant the first time around. When my child was 1 year old I went in for infertility testing (after TTC for 6 months already). I was 37 at the time. Did one IVF cycle when my daughter was 15 months old. It failed and I only had 2 eggs retrieved. RE gave me a 10% chance of success with IVF, which seemed really low to me. Decided to just try on our own for awhile and be content with whatever nature decided. After 5 years of unsuccessful TTC #2 we gave up and decided to be happy being one and done.

Anonymous wrote:what does your RE say? i think it's brave to decide when to stop after weighing the pros, cons, and odds. Also, there is donor embryo option if you ever want to explore it, wayyy cheaper and you can still be pregnant.

I think they encourage more cycles, but I just don't know why anything would be different next time. I made an appointment at Cornell. Oyyy.

Anonymous wrote:How many eggs retrieved on each cycle? If you are DOR you might want to try NCIVF at Dominion, $5500 a cycle + some drug cost ($100?)

Yeah, I am DOR. 3 the first time, 4 the second. Thanks for the tip!

what does your RE say? i think it's brave to decide when to stop after weighing the pros, cons, and odds. Also, there is donor embryo option if you ever want to explore it, wayyy cheaper and you can still be pregnant.

How many eggs retrieved on each cycle? If you are DOR you might want to try NCIVF at Dominion, $5500 a cycle + some drug cost ($100?)

Is it bad to quit after only 2 full IVF cycles? (I'm almost 38 years old and a federal employee with DC residency so paid out of pocket at GW.) I think I will be upset to pay for 2 more cycles and come away with no baby but is that the wrong way of looking at it? If I decide to do it again, I'm thinking of Cornell just to switch things up. Sigh.