It is normal for 2 yo's to hit too, but that doesnt mean we just say " oh he's 2 so were gonna let him hit until he outgrows it"
We have to teach themwhat is ok and what isnt , its our job as parents.

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

Disagree. Do you think 4yo's in preschool are allowed to scream at the top of their lungs when they get annoyed or frustrated? No.
You have allowed it to become his normal.

OP here.

I do agree that it’s developmental. We need to find the balance between teaching some coping skills, stressing that screaming is for emergencies, and possible time outs.

He doesn’t do this at camp, Sunday school, school, play places. Only at home. So he can control it, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

^^^THIS

How old is the brother that is knocking down the legos? Is it literally JUST when his toys are messed with or is it all the time for any perceived injustice?

I would also work on breathing while you are at it. Model that behavior as well. Have him use it even during non-screaming episodes. Also daniel tiger has some good episodes on this right?

+1 I know it's tempting to do timeouts but as you can see from how many people are posting they have the same problem, this is developmental. It doesn't mean you don't respond and coach him on how to respond differently, help him learn how to use his quiet voice and maybe use the approach of the other poster of the specific times it is appropriate to scream, but timeout isn't going to solve this and will just be a fight. Time is the answer. I'm sorry it sounds frustrating! i really do understand.

I disagree somewhat. Brother knocks over legos on purpose and he screams. They both go to time out. Brother for knocking it over and other child for screaming. He can say no, he can say stop, he say I don’t like that, but screaming is not acceptable. If he wants to scream, he can go to a quiet place (time out) by himself and scream. People don’t just scream at each other, we talk. Babies cry because they have no other mechanism to use. Don’t use that BS as an excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

^^^THIS

How old is the brother that is knocking down the legos? Is it literally JUST when his toys are messed with or is it all the time for any perceived injustice?

I would also work on breathing while you are at it. Model that behavior as well. Have him use it even during non-screaming episodes. Also daniel tiger has some good episodes on this right?

+1 I know it's tempting to do timeouts but as you can see from how many people are posting they have the same problem, this is developmental. It doesn't mean you don't respond and coach him on how to respond differently, help him learn how to use his quiet voice and maybe use the approach of the other poster of the specific times it is appropriate to scream, but timeout isn't going to solve this and will just be a fight. Time is the answer. I'm sorry it sounds frustrating! i really do understand.

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

^^^THIS

How old is the brother that is knocking down the legos? Is it literally JUST when his toys are messed with or is it all the time for any perceived injustice?

I would also work on breathing while you are at it. Model that behavior as well. Have him use it even during non-screaming episodes. Also daniel tiger has some good episodes on this right?

A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

Thank you! I appreciate the kind and helpful responses.

I am not a screamer. I HATE screaming. I hate loudness in general, really. We are a quiet family.

I’ll try the reasoning: we scream for fires and if someone grabs you.

I’ll combine it with time out and other things.

How is his regular speaking volume? I'm wondering if he speaks loudly in general -- maybe he has some hearing loss/issue.

It's a good idea to check the volume of your voice and also talk to him about it.

Instant consequence every time he screams. 4 mins on the step or wherever. Enforce it every time. If you are out then he sits on the floor.

My 4 year old does this. So easily offended. Does this when we’re outside and I make him come in. I feel bad for the neighbors. I’ve definitely lost my cool sometimes. Older child never did this. Drives me batty.

I can't offer any suggestions, but I can say, my kid does this too. It is maddening.

I started explaining to my kids around that age that screaming is the noise to use in case of emergency or kidnapping and I will drop everything to help. It’s not for fun or for frustration. It worked.

Do you scream? I ask this without judgement because I have done more yelling than I care to admit at my 4 year old. But I have been working really hard to get MY yelling under control and to use a calm steady voice, and to respond LESS when she is upset. I've noticed a remarkable change in her reactions too. She still gets upset and tantrums sometimes with yelling, but it's much better.

Put yes, I think my own yelling directly lead to my own child yelling more than I liked. And then I'd yell at her to stop yelling and you can see how ridiculous this all is.

I'd try empathizing. Instead of getting mad at him for yelling when brother knocks his blocks down, say "yes! that is the worst! no one likes blocks being knocked down, how frustrating." and then pause. And maybe re-direct brother.

My son is 4 and we cannot get his overreactions under control. He is not special needs, at all. Sensitive? Yes. Overreacts? Yes. Autism? No. He just turned 4.

We try to coach him: "give a squeeze nice and slow", hit a pillow, go to your room, "grrrr".

I like the have the windows open because of the cool mornings, but he screams SO LOUDLY. Like, he is on fire. SCREAMS. It is likely that several houses down they can hear it. If brother knocks down his legos, he screams. We are trying so hard to create a peaceful environment for him: XYZ in place and watching brother. But if brother knocks over his building....forget it.

I'm trying hard to keep my cool, but *I* am so frustrated. I just want him to STOP SCREAMING. I want peace.

I'm looking for concrete steps: sticker chart? He has to go to his room? Lose a toy? How can I help him?!?