Anonymous wrote:No. Most brides AND grooms parents pay half. It’s sexist to only pay for a daughter’s wedding IMO. I’m 32 and that’s what most of my friends parents did. (My parents gave us a flat amount and in-laws gave nothing)

Oh and whatever you do don’t just say “we’ll pay for alcohol” or “we’ll pay for food” because so many places have it all combine. Give them a concrete number to work with and give it 6 months before the wedding. One friend had parents promise to pay and then parents gave nothing until 3 months after the wedding. It went on a credit card instead because it was a 5k expense they didn’t anticipate. Awesome way to start married life.

This is a decision you should make by yourself and not because of how popular the custom is.

No. Most brides AND grooms parents pay half. It’s sexist to only pay for a daughter’s wedding IMO. I’m 32 and that’s what most of my friends parents did. (My parents gave us a flat amount and in-laws gave nothing)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people who live together before marriage really do the whole big tacky party & white dress thing?

Who in this day and age can afford not to move in together?

Well, if you can't afford rent, you sure can't afford a wedding.

Anonymous wrote:My dd is 26. We're not thrilled with this engagement, though we do love her fiance. They have been living together (with her fiance's parents) for the past 3-4 years. Are parents still paying for weddings these days?

Your concerned that her fiance could do better?

Of course I'm teasing, Op. You must think that the timing of this would be better if they would wait a little longer.

As far as what you would pay, it depends. You decide how much you can afford to give them (if anything) and tell them that you can give 2K, 5K or whatever. If they want to spend more than that, then they can pay for it.

I had a nice, small, economical wedding, myself, and it was just right for us. We're still married a couple of decades later. And, believe me, we never regretted not spending more money than that.

Why are you not thrilled with the engagement if you love her fiance?

Anonymous wrote:No, or give a set amount. If they have been living together for years, they are adults and should pay for their own.

They clearly aren't adults if they are still living with mommy and daddy. You offer to contribute what you would like OP. It should have nothing to do with the fact that you are thrilled with the engagement or not. Some people pay hundreds of thousands of dollars, some people kick in $5000. Do what feels right to you.

What conversations, if any, have you had with her over the years about this general topic? Why are they living with her fiance’s parents? As PP’s said, tell her a set amount, high or low, that you’re willing to contribute. If she expresses disappointment or asks why it’s not more, have an answer ready that isn’t going to do long-term damage to your relationship. It’s fine not to pay for the wedding, but be ready to answer questions.

Anonymous wrote:Do people who live together before marriage really do the whole big tacky party & white dress thing?

Who in this day and age can afford not to move in together?

All my friends who have gotten married in the past 5 years had at least some paid by parents. I know a lot of parents gave a specific amount for the bride to manage. My parents did $5k 7 years ago. Not sure what your daughter’s social circle is like but unless you provide a different set of expectations, hers will probably be keyed to that.

Do people who live together before marriage really do the whole big tacky party & white dress thing?

Anonymous wrote:No, or give a set amount. If they have been living together for years, they are adults and should pay for their own.

+1 I’d be very upfront early in the process that you will contribute xx amount. They need to know what their budget is. We’ve got 2 girls. They will each get $20k each. That’s it.

No, or give a set amount. If they have been living together for years, they are adults and should pay for their own.

Unless you've been prepping her for years that this probably isn't how it's going to go in your family, it may be surprising to her that this won't happen.

Yes, it's still very much a thing.

My dd is 26. We're not thrilled with this engagement, though we do love her fiance. They have been living together (with her fiance's parents) for the past 3-4 years. Are parents still paying for weddings these days?