Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 22:41     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
My mother’s second marriage was to someone she met online and knew for fewer than 6 months before getting engaged. They lived thousands of miles apart and had spent about two long weekends together in person before the wedding.The guy gave me serious conman vibes. So I “spoke now” instead of “forever holding my peace,” but I did so well in advance of the wedding.

I thought hard about not attending the ceremony, but I decided to go. My feeling was that to skip it was to end my relationship with my mother. For the life of her husband, I stayed distant but supportive. We saw each other much less often, and I was less forthcoming about my personal life with her. We’ll never be as close as we once were, but it’s perhaps healthier for us both this way.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:43     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I confronted my dad about him sexually abusing me. He proceeded to paint me as crazy and unstable to his entire side of the family. If they didn’t actively agree with him, they did complicitly. I lost *everyone.*


I am so, so sorry. I'm also very proud of you. I admire you so much. I am truly sorry.


Same here.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:41     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:I confronted my dad about him sexually abusing me. He proceeded to paint me as crazy and unstable to his entire side of the family. If they didn’t actively agree with him, they did complicitly. I lost *everyone.*


I am so, so sorry. I'm also very proud of you. I admire you so much. I am truly sorry.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:40     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Told my MIL after she gave my tree-nut-allergic daughter granola without checking with DH and I that she needed to look at me and listen to me to have the serious conversation after the fact. She kept trying to brush it off and laugh it off and make light of it and move on, and I finally said, "I will never trust you around my children again if you don't look at me, take this seriously, and have this conversation with me."

She knew I meant it.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:40     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
I confronted my dad about him sexually abusing me. He proceeded to paint me as crazy and unstable to his entire side of the family. If they didn’t actively agree with him, they did complicitly. I lost *everyone.*
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:36     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?

My Mother called my husband a jerk and said I'd ruined my life marrying him. This 30 seconds after I'd explained that I was feeling emotionally vulnerable because we were both out of jobs and had little kids to support. I cut her off for 6 months, but at my husband's insistence I renewed our relationship, mostly so that I could keep in touch with my father, caught between both of us. She's been much nicer ever since.

Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:26     Subject: Re:Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:Found out cousin Joe is a pedophile.

Told IL we would not go too events with Joe.

So they lied about Joe being at Xmas.

Walked into party with Joe's victim... Joe was there even though they promised he would not be there. Walked out and never spoke to them again.


Thank you for doing this! As an abuse victim I am so tired of complicity that benefits the abuser
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:25     Subject: Re:Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:Found out cousin Joe is a pedophile.

Told IL we would not go too events with Joe.

So they lied about Joe being at Xmas.

Walked into party with Joe's victim... Joe was there even though they promised he would not be there. Walked out and never spoke to them again.


Good for you.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:25     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A huge fight over how he was attacking friends of mine on FB over his Trump BS. I stayed away from his page, and asked him politely - repeatedly - to keep his crap off mine. But he just couldn’t stop. Then I started getting private messages about how I “needed to listen to [my] elders” (I was 47) and comments like how people like him with guns “weren’t going to take crap anymore.” But he was almost a bigot, racist and misogynist. Trump just made him feel like he could be more open about it. So yeah, done and blocked. Haven’t spoken to him since. Fallout - some tense times with his kids, but mostly they were ok to me. Things with them are almost back to normal. I’ve never regretted cutting him out. There were plenty of reasons to before, so no regrets.


Was this an uncle or an in-law?



The proverbial “everyone’s got that one racist uncle.” He was technically an in-law, married to my aunt. But he was around well before I was born, so always just my uncle.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:24     Subject: Re:Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Found out cousin Joe is a pedophile.

Told IL we would not go too events with Joe.

So they lied about Joe being at Xmas.

Walked into party with Joe's victim... Joe was there even though they promised he would not be there. Walked out and never spoke to them again.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:23     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
I used to call the ILs on their crap, but decide that since they only "hear" their side, it is no use wasting my breath, or putting much stock in their opinions. Do as little as possible, and it works fine.

What I don't understand is people who take money from their ILs, but see no problem in "telling them off". Pay your own bills, you don't get to have your cake and eat it too.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:22     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:A huge fight over how he was attacking friends of mine on FB over his Trump BS. I stayed away from his page, and asked him politely - repeatedly - to keep his crap off mine. But he just couldn’t stop. Then I started getting private messages about how I “needed to listen to [my] elders” (I was 47) and comments like how people like him with guns “weren’t going to take crap anymore.” But he was almost a bigot, racist and misogynist. Trump just made him feel like he could be more open about it. So yeah, done and blocked. Haven’t spoken to him since. Fallout - some tense times with his kids, but mostly they were ok to me. Things with them are almost back to normal. I’ve never regretted cutting him out. There were plenty of reasons to before, so no regrets.


Was this an uncle or an in-law?

Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:22     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
Anonymous wrote:A huge fight over how he was attacking friends of mine on FB over his Trump BS. I stayed away from his page, and asked him politely - repeatedly - to keep his crap off mine. But he just couldn’t stop. Then I started getting private messages about how I “needed to listen to [my] elders” (I was 47) and comments like how people like him with guns “weren’t going to take crap anymore.” But he was almost st a bigot, racist and misogynist. Trump just made him feel like he could be more open about it. So yeah, done and blocked. Haven’t spoken to him since. Fallout - some tense times with his kids, but mostly they were ok to me. Things with them are almost back to normal. I’ve never regretted cutting him out. There were plenty of reasons to before, so no regrets.


ALWAYS, not almost.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:20     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
A huge fight over how he was attacking friends of mine on FB over his Trump BS. I stayed away from his page, and asked him politely - repeatedly - to keep his crap off mine. But he just couldn’t stop. Then I started getting private messages about how I “needed to listen to [my] elders” (I was 47) and comments like how people like him with guns “weren’t going to take crap anymore.” But he was almost a bigot, racist and misogynist. Trump just made him feel like he could be more open about it. So yeah, done and blocked. Haven’t spoken to him since. Fallout - some tense times with his kids, but mostly they were ok to me. Things with them are almost back to normal. I’ve never regretted cutting him out. There were plenty of reasons to before, so no regrets.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2019 21:15     Subject: Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?
What was your biggest confrontation with a relative or an in-law?

Did you recover? How well did you recover? What worked or didn't work about the fallout/healing process?