Read 1-2-3 Magic

I have a 3 and 6 yo. This is what we do:

Hitting/biting? immediate removal/time out

Yelling? Depends on context. If they are yelling at each other, I will ask them to quiet down and speak to each other nicely. If they yell at me, I will say, "Don't yell at me. I'm happy to listen to what you have to say once you can talk to me in a normal tone of voice."

Refusing to share? Take turns. Each one gets the toy/activity for 5 minutes then they switch. Keep going until they find something else to do, which usually happens after 1 round. If someone refuses to take turns, they lose their chance completely.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? They will be escorted back to bed immediately as many times as it takes until they no longer get out of bed. My kids no longer do this, though.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? I will ask/remind them only twice. If they are still not complying, I tell them I'm counting to 3 and if they don't get moving, then X will happen. Usually X is something like "no playing before bedtime" or "I will leave and go downstairs" or "I will take away that toy" - something that makes sense depending on the context. Sometimes I have to follow through but most of the time, they get moving by the time I count to 2.

Hitting- time out. You hit, you sit.

Refusing to share/fighting: cuddle couch. You can’t get up until your sibling makes you laugh.

Getting out of bed: Getting our back in bed.

Refusing to brush teeth: non-preferred parent brushes your teeth

Hitting/biting? -- immediate removal from whatever room/situation the kid is in, with a time-out in their room if possible so that they can calm down and behave appropriately.

Yelling? -- I say, "Use a nicer tone" and then I ignore anything that's not said in a reasonably polite tone. You yell at me, I walk away. Any request made in a rude tone will be denied.

Refusing to share? -- Assuming that the kid should be required to share, refusal to share = I take the toy away.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? -- Just put them back in. As many times as it takes. Without any smiling or talking.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? -- Not brushing your teeth means no sugar for 24 hours. Also, since it's non-negotiable, I will brush your teeth for you. If it's something like putting shoes on because we need to go, then if you don't, I will, with running commentary about how only babies can't put on their own shoes, and big kids can put on their own shoes. If it's cleaning up toys, then if you don't, I will--and I will put them away on the top shelf of the closet for a week. If it's a household chore, then we can't do [fun thing] until we do [chore].

Hitting/biting? Smack on bottom

Yelling? Smack on bottom

Refusing to share? Item immediately taken away for 48 hours

Getting out of bed at bedtime? Depends. Nightmare/anxiety - comforted; Just being defiant - brought back to bed and left alone

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? Loss of privilege or dessert.

Hitting/biting? - if I see a kid is going through a hitting phase, I am on top of them and will catch their hand to prevent the hit. I catch, squeeze a little to get their attention and say "People are not for hitting." If they are in a biting phase, I try to lower their frustration so they won't bite. And I remove them from the room when they do.

Yelling? Reverse psychology if needed, but yelling isn't that big a deal unless in a restaurant or something. I guess I'd take them out and say "It's not acceptable to yell inside. We'll stand here until you're ready to speak at a lower volume."

Refusing to share? Eh. I don't believe everyone has to share everything.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? Basically, the super nanny way. I don't like a lot of her tactics, but this one I'm okay with as long as their true needs are met.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? I follow them around and make them do it. No doing anything fun until it's done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is situation-specific. For example, in refusing to brush teeth -- start the process right after dinner and let the kid sit there until the teeth are brushed. That means losing out on TV, books, games, whatever else you do. Move dinner up if you have to so you have more time.

Who has time for this nonsense? Do you have other kids? A spouse you'd like to spend time with? Anything more pressing or interesting than sitting in the bathroom with a defiant kid in a battle of wills to brush his teeth?

NO thank you.

Yup, I have other kids, and a full-time job, and a busy life. But I have found that logical consequences, though they take time, effect change rather quickly. So I am not repeatedly having the same battle over and over again. Saves me time in the long-run.

Oh and to be clear I don’t sit in the bathroom with the kid. Kid sits there u til it is done. I do not make it into a power struggle. That’s the whole point of a logical consequence — takes the power struggle out.

OK, I misunderstood then. I can see just saying "Sit here until you're ready to brush. Let me know when you are. Otherwise don't come out."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is situation-specific. For example, in refusing to brush teeth -- start the process right after dinner and let the kid sit there until the teeth are brushed. That means losing out on TV, books, games, whatever else you do. Move dinner up if you have to so you have more time.

Who has time for this nonsense? Do you have other kids? A spouse you'd like to spend time with? Anything more pressing or interesting than sitting in the bathroom with a defiant kid in a battle of wills to brush his teeth?

NO thank you.

Yup, I have other kids, and a full-time job, and a busy life. But I have found that logical consequences, though they take time, effect change rather quickly. So I am not repeatedly having the same battle over and over again. Saves me time in the long-run.

Oh and to be clear I don’t sit in the bathroom with the kid. Kid sits there u til it is done. I do not make it into a power struggle. That’s the whole point of a logical consequence — takes the power struggle out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is situation-specific. For example, in refusing to brush teeth -- start the process right after dinner and let the kid sit there until the teeth are brushed. That means losing out on TV, books, games, whatever else you do. Move dinner up if you have to so you have more time.

Who has time for this nonsense? Do you have other kids? A spouse you'd like to spend time with? Anything more pressing or interesting than sitting in the bathroom with a defiant kid in a battle of wills to brush his teeth?

NO thank you.

Yup, I have other kids, and a full-time job, and a busy life. But I have found that logical consequences, though they take time, effect change rather quickly. So I am not repeatedly having the same battle over and over again. Saves me time in the long-run.

For me, a lot of these would just be the immediate cessation of whatever activity they’re enjoying, even for a few minutes (time out).

Brushing, either they brush or I do it for them.

Sharing, I’m iffy on, as I think there are some “must share” times and others that aren’t as clear cut. Again, I’d stop the activity, take away the toy immediately,

Anonymous wrote:I think it is situation-specific. For example, in refusing to brush teeth -- start the process right after dinner and let the kid sit there until the teeth are brushed. That means losing out on TV, books, games, whatever else you do. Move dinner up if you have to so you have more time.

Who has time for this nonsense? Do you have other kids? A spouse you'd like to spend time with? Anything more pressing or interesting than sitting in the bathroom with a defiant kid in a battle of wills to brush his teeth?

NO thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting?

removal from situation and away from person being bit or hit, plus something else (depending what precipitated hitting and biting)--like not getting the toy that led to the interaction, etc.

Yelling?

If they are yelling just to get attention, then ignore them until yelling stops, walk out of the room if you have to or say 'I can't understand you when you yell'

Refusing to share?

not getting to have the thing they aren't sharing at all

Getting out of bed at bedtime?

taking away electronics time seems reasonable

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore?

taking away electronics time or other treats seems reasonable

We do take away TV time as the major consequence for our kids (3 & 4). The other thread about taking away electronics says this isn't a logical consequence to the behavior but we've struggled to think of what those would be for this age group. What do others do?

I think for 3 and up the kid is old enough to make a connection between bad behavior or not complying with required tasks and losing electronics if you tell them that is what will happen and then always follow through, as long as the desired electronics time is reasonably close in time to the misbehavior and then you remind them when they ask for the electronics why they aren't getting it.

For little kids, for repeated hitting or biting, or repeated and deliberate defiance, which sometimes did include getting out of bed over and over just to drag out bedtime, or for actually lying about not brushing teeth or something else, then we would administer the old fashioned spanking. The non-angry, dispassionate, over the knee, spanking.

Yelling wasn't much of a problem, nor refusing to share.

When people say "logical," consequences, they tend to mean intimately related to the offense. I don't see the reason why that's a criterion. But maybe it originated from very anti-authoritative parents who don't want to see themselves as setting and enforcing rules, and imposing judgment, but rather simply officiating the game. For example they won't punish for lying, per se, because that would mean they have to pass judgment that lying is wrong. Rather, they'll just say that the logical consequence is you can't be trusted.

Personally, I'm OK with teaching right and wrong, and punishing as necessary to deter further wrong behavior.

I think it is situation-specific. For example, in refusing to brush teeth -- start the process right after dinner and let the kid sit there until the teeth are brushed. That means losing out on TV, books, games, whatever else you do. Move dinner up if you have to so you have more time.

Hitting/biting?

Yelling?

Refusing to share?

Getting out of bed at bedtime?

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore?


We do take away TV time as the major consequence for our kids (3 & 4). The other thread about taking away electronics says this isn't a logical consequence to the behavior but we've struggled to think of what those would be for this age group. What do others do?