Stop giving rides and take away the bus pass. Take him to an empty lot but don't tell him what you are doing and teach him one day. Let him get over the initial fear and don't give him advanced notice to say no.

Stop using “anxiety” as an excuse for your kids. They’re “anxious” because they never leave their comfort zone with their indulgent parents.

I'm on the side of "stop providing transportation for him."

If he can figure out how to get where he needs to go without your help, then none of this is a problem. If he can't, then he will need to go through the process and learn how to drive. Either way, your problem gets solved, assuming that your problem is not wanting to drive him places.

...GOT my regular license... (not Hot)

Op, I feel like I could have written this. My DD refuses to study for a learner's permit. Just today, she pushed back at me when I told her to spend an hour looking at the drivers manual...she said, "I don't go anywhere, so why do I need it?" She is an anxious person, but that's all the more reason she'll need lots of practice time. Basically, she is on her devices whenever she isn't at school or her summer job. Zero motivation.

I've been explaining how summer is the best time to take or re-take the permit test because she doesn't have school work and she has more free time and daylight (for driving). But, tbis goes nowhere.

I can take here down to dmv and "make" her take the test, but I can't mske her pass it. It's all so foreign to me! I got my learner's permit when I was 14. I got a school permit at 15. Hot my reg license at 16. Everybody wanted to get their license as soon as they turned 16.

When is the time to push? When do you let them find their motivation?

Slightly OT but there was an interesting WSJ article recently about a fairly significant drop in teens getting their licenses these days.

I was extremely anxious about driving as a teen, and my 14 year old is terrified of it.

You can push, but please realize that if he's anxious, he'll take a lot more time to feel comfortable behind the wheel than a regular young person and it will impact his driving skills. It took me YEARS.

It should be expected Op. Learning to drive is a needed adult skill. Expect it. It's part of your responsibility, as the parent, to see that it happens and see that he learns well and is a good driver.

Dh here....My daughter wasn't too inclined either. but when we told her that the mom-dad service would be ending at the age of 16.5 years. (the age when she could get her DL and drive on her own) she scoffed and said that she'd get friends or uber. we explained that her freinds may not alwasy be around to help her out, and how would she expect to pay for uber without a job. after showing her how much uber is, and explaing that this is the easiest time in her life to get her DL and pass the tests.

we had an older honda civic in the wings for her being that the first year of calculated uber usage paid for insurance and the car... she finally wrapped her head around it and it clicked.

passed the tests on the first try. shes 19 now, and last year she came to me and thanked me for pushing her to get the DL.

Stop driving him places.

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter was kind of like that. We stopped encouraging and said you will get this done by X date. Why are you giving him a choice?

This. Be a parent. He’s old enough to start contributing to the household, which he can do by running short errands for you with the car and things like that.

We had this with my stepson getting his provisional. He did have his learners but was in no hurry to get his regular license. Finally my DH simply told him he would get on line and make his appointment by such and such date. DSS did, took the test and got his license.

I was worried that he had a fear of driving by himself, but it really was just plain laziness.

Now with our son together, he's eligible for his learners on Friday and guess where he'll be? With DH at the MVA as soon as they open.

Explain that not getting your license as a teen living at home carries significant costs -- driving school isn't cheap, especially if you don't have access to a car and a patient licensed driver to sit in it with you! Make driving practice/lessons part of the requirement for him getting an allowance, like other chores.

-an adult who did not get her license as a teen and sincerely regrets it

Our daughter was kind of like that. We stopped encouraging and said you will get this done by X date. Why are you giving him a choice?

My 16 DS doesn’t seem to want to get one. Now granted, there isn’t a new car (or even used one) waiting for him at the end of the rainbow but truly, how many more times do I need to ask him, ‘Wanna go take the test?’ Or course I realize things are different now than it was in 1985 when I got my license and needed it to go my after school job, but come on! Turn off the video games and get to it! I don’t drive him anywhere, so I can’t alter that. He uses his bus pass for everything. But my husband and I are practically begging him to get it so we can get him in the car, really to start feeling more independent. I actually want him to feel this accomplishment. Any guidance from those who came before me? Is this just the generation who stays at home more and communicates with friends virtually?