Anonymous
07/02/2019 17:26
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Anonymous wrote:My neighbor works very part-time, just 2 hours twice a week, and just texted (yes texted) asking if I would be fine with her bringing her DD over at 9am when she heads in to work, and she mentioned reciprocating. I have a baby at home who naps then, and it’s the time of day we are all quiet, and some days, my older child is still sleeping. I explained this, and she’s now negotiating (“What time would work?”)
In all honesty, while I really don’t like her approach, texting vs face-to-face, the idea of occasional reciprocation sounds nice. But at the same time, I hate to commit to giving up two late-mornings/early-afternoons a week, all summer. I realize she needs to set up something concrete, but I don’t think that can be me. I wouldn’t mind helping if it worked a particular week, but I can’t commit definitively.
I want to be as civil as possible when I respond, because I have to live next to her! How would you best explain that 9am will never work, that I can’t commit, but I wouldn’t be opposed to taking it week by week?
If you're actually open to reciprocation, then I would propose it up front.
"I know you're interested in trading childcare. My husband and I would love a weekly date night. If you're able to do that on Fridays or Saturdays, I'd be happy to have Lola here from 10 - 1 two days a week."
but I wouldn't do this on the basis of some kind of promise of reciprocation.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 17:21
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would just say "no." If you need to explain, say that it doesn't work with your kids and schedule. It's not an emergency, right?
With people like this, if you say you can help in an emergency, suddenly every day becomes an emergency.
Exactly. “Sorry I can’t commit to anything right now”
Anonymous
07/02/2019 17:12
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Seems ballsy of her to ask a favor like that on a routine basis. Is this something you’ve discussed in the past? Even if it worked, I’d be worried that that reciprocation would never happen—someone entitled enough to assume you’ll watch their kid, are usually entitled enough not to pay it back or just do it once or twice and call it even. Seems very one sided and I’d hesitate to even offer to be a back up for emergencies because there will always be one—person she hired cancelled, feeds them junk, whatever. Just say no and save yourself some headaches.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 17:09
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Anonymous wrote:I would just say "no." If you need to explain, say that it doesn't work with your kids and schedule. It's not an emergency, right?
With people like this, if you say you can help in an emergency, suddenly every day becomes an emergency.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:48
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Thank her for offering to reciprocate.
I assume a reason you are a SAHM is for the constancy of your time in the life of your kiddos.
If you have small chunks of time to yourself, why would you want to spend it with a 3rd kid who is not a relative.
It sounds like she wants a child care co-op with you and you are not in the market for that.
Maybe she could try care.com or NEXT DOOR.
However, I would suggest setting firm boundaries.
I have a colleague who always replies all on an email when I ask for help with an emphatic yes, then texts an hour later with lots of strings.
It is easy to ask for a favor over text, but it is also easy to say no.
If you say no and add on a suggestion for where to get her needs met, elsewhere, she may realize she is asking for a service most people pay to use.
I assume a reason you are a SAHM is for the constancy of your time in the life of your kiddos.
If you have small chunks of time to yourself, why would you want to spend it with a 3rd kid who is not a relative.
It sounds like she wants a child care co-op with you and you are not in the market for that.
Maybe she could try care.com or NEXT DOOR.
However, I would suggest setting firm boundaries.
I have a colleague who always replies all on an email when I ask for help with an emphatic yes, then texts an hour later with lots of strings.
It is easy to ask for a favor over text, but it is also easy to say no.
If you say no and add on a suggestion for where to get her needs met, elsewhere, she may realize she is asking for a service most people pay to use.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:41
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
RE text vs call, I prefer the impersonal nature of texting. Easy to do and there's a record of what you said vs didn't say.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:41
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
That’s not going to work for me right now
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:40
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
The mom that "volunteered" a ton at her kids school just assumed I would take her younger one for a "play date" twice a week.
I just said I couldn't do that.
Why don't you say.. I don't think that will work. I have plans and vacations that are unpredictable.
I just said I couldn't do that.
Why don't you say.. I don't think that will work. I have plans and vacations that are unpredictable.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:39
Subject: Re:Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
I would just say "no." If you need to explain, say that it doesn't work with your kids and schedule. It's not an emergency, right?
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:38
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
I woudl stop engaging over text. I'd send one more that said something like - I'm happy to help in a pinch. Let's chat more when we see each other. - and then you all can talk in person. I hate it when people text when it is much more appropriate to speak in person, so I just would not engage.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:35
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Anonymous wrote:Exactly as you’ve said it?
You think that’s enough to shut down the negotiations?
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:33
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Exactly as you’ve said it?
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:31
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
"I'm happy to help in a pinch, but since I'm juggling these two crazies, I think you should lock down some more consistent care."
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:31
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
Charge her $200 a week.
Anonymous
07/02/2019 16:29
Subject: Neighbor assumes I’ll watch her kid
My neighbor works very part-time, just 2 hours twice a week, and just texted (yes texted) asking if I would be fine with her bringing her DD over at 9am when she heads in to work, and she mentioned reciprocating. I have a baby at home who naps then, and it’s the time of day we are all quiet, and some days, my older child is still sleeping. I explained this, and she’s now negotiating (“What time would work?”)
In all honesty, while I really don’t like her approach, texting vs face-to-face, the idea of occasional reciprocation sounds nice. But at the same time, I hate to commit to giving up two late-mornings/early-afternoons a week, all summer. I realize she needs to set up something concrete, but I don’t think that can be me. I wouldn’t mind helping if it worked a particular week, but I can’t commit definitively.
I want to be as civil as possible when I respond, because I have to live next to her! How would you best explain that 9am will never work, that I can’t commit, but I wouldn’t be opposed to taking it week by week?
In all honesty, while I really don’t like her approach, texting vs face-to-face, the idea of occasional reciprocation sounds nice. But at the same time, I hate to commit to giving up two late-mornings/early-afternoons a week, all summer. I realize she needs to set up something concrete, but I don’t think that can be me. I wouldn’t mind helping if it worked a particular week, but I can’t commit definitively.
I want to be as civil as possible when I respond, because I have to live next to her! How would you best explain that 9am will never work, that I can’t commit, but I wouldn’t be opposed to taking it week by week?