Anonymous wrote:Do you hang out with his friends? Are you nice?

I’ve hung out with them a few times. I was nice to them.

Do you hang out with his friends? Are you nice?

OP here, I’m a woman and I’m the spouse that’s bad mouthed. My husband doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with people making such comments about me. He said I’m quiet so people look at that like I had an attitude or I come off like a bitch to them. He’s the complete opposite so that’s why people don’t understand why he’s with me. He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others. I’m pissed off that he lets people say these things about me and he doesn’t defend me.

WTF. Isn’t the line at the wedding ceremony “to forever hold your peace”? The time to say something, if anything, is during the early dating. At this point it’s either specific concern about how he/she treats you in public if it is something egregious like “I’m not comfortable with the way she/he puts you down in front of other people”. Or you stand up for yourself if the person is doing something specifically to you.

I’m not fond of my SIL but I figure my BIL knows what he got into and enjoys being married to her so why would I say anything directly? Once I stopped saying “how high” when she tried to get us to jump through her hoops, her issues no longer directly impacted me.

Well, he isn't an asshole, so probably defend him.

Is your dh an asshole?

I'd stop them in there tracks and defend my husband whether they are correct or not. They can voice there opinions all they want but I wont stand there and let them bad mouth him.

Defend him or cut them out. What other answers are there?

They would probably be right, with the twist that they know he has a mental disorder, and that changes the discussion points somewhat. The only time someone actually insulted him, it was my mother and I cut her off for 6 months. Usually people are sensitive to the fact that he cannot help some of his behaviors and express themselves with more understanding.

That’s odd and unprofessional behavior. Are you all hanging out too much socially? Get your own friends.

How old are you guys Op?

Anonymous wrote:Saying things like he/she is an asshole, you two aren’t right for each other, you can do better, etc. Would you defend your spouse or would you allow them to continue to bash them?

Without a doubt, I would defend my spouse whom I love dearly. Then, really wonder if they are really my ‘friends’ to begin with.

Who do you hang around with that would think that is OK?

If a whole bunch of people tell me my spouse is an asshole I'd have to question my choice. But if it was only one person I'd ask why and likely tell them to f---off.

I would cut them.

Well, they were right about my XH 15 years ago though I didn’t listen at the time and now they have nothing but good things to say about my second husband.

Saying things like he/she is an asshole, you two aren’t right for each other, you can do better, etc. Would you defend your spouse or would you allow them to continue to bash them?