I went away to a school where I knew no one. And it was an out-of-state public so most of the kids in my freshman dorm were hanging out with other kids from their high school or hometown. For the fall semester. And then slowly the blending started and by the end of the spring semester I had found my place there. It takes patience. Learning to make new friends and a new life for yourself is an essential skill.

Orientation usually sucks and is awkward. I wouldn’t worry about it or think she picked the “wrong” college. Don’t stress about it for now and give it at least a semester after she moves in as well.

This is very normal. I hated orientation. Didn’t think I actually wanted to go to the school I chose. Was a b**ch the whole time.

Turns out once I was forced into everything college on the first day of school I LOVED it and never looked back. Had the time of my life and still think I went to the best school in the country.

Is she worried she chose the wrong school or are you?

Parents need to back the heck off. Listen to your daughter's concerns but don't solve the problem. If you are worried or concerned she will feed off that.

Orientation is really different than when school is in session.

It can take a semester or so to find one's place. And until the academic part of college even starts, it's kinda nuts to say one might have chosen the wrong school.

Orientation misery is normal.

The biggest thing I recommend to parents in this situation is not to let them see YOU sweat. Listen attentively but remind her its normal, don't freak out, don't let her hear dress in your voice etc etc. Recommend positive steps (like joining clubs, going to the comedy show at the student union, even just walking around campus to where her classes are etc etc) but assure her this is a normal feeling and its not indicative of her college experience as a whole. Its a very common first step/overwhelming feeling.

Signed, Mom of 3 and 2 had terrible terrible first weeks/orientations/even first semester but all 3 ended up loving their (very different) schools.

Anonymous wrote:Let her be miserable. I don't understand all these parents stressing any time their kids are upset. How the hell will she ever gain any coping skills if you swoop in to fix everything?

+100, although to be fair, OP doesn't sound like she's trying to fix the problem. She just asked if anyone had this experience and how it turned out.

Anonymous wrote:Let her be miserable. I don't understand all these parents stressing any time their kids are upset. How the hell will she ever gain any coping skills if you swoop in to fix everything?

This. She's 18, not 8. She needs to deal with this herself.

I didn't connect with anyone until I moved into the dorms.

Let her be miserable. I don't understand all these parents stressing any time their kids are upset. How the hell will she ever gain any coping skills if you swoop in to fix everything?

Anonymous wrote:I transferred after my freshman year. I ended up at a school where other kids I knew were also there. Biggest mistake I made was going where I knew no one.

Same. My parents kept telling me to start fresh with no one I knew, but that was a terrible mistake for me.

Tell her to join things. Clubs, etc. That’s the easiest way to meet people.

I transferred after my freshman year. I ended up at a school where other kids I knew were also there. Biggest mistake I made was going where I knew no one.

That's totally normal. You've got to give it time. Certainly more than one orientation session, and perhaps even more than one semester. If she hasn't found her people and her place after freshman year, then it might be time to reconsider.

Just got back from orientation. DD was miserable. She connected with nobody and felt awkward in the small groups. She normally is not shy or socially awkward. Worried she may have picked the wrong school. Anyone else experience something similar? How did it turn out?