You should reach an agreement with your husband that for the first five minutes after he walks in the door from work he is to leave you and your kids alone, and vice versa, and allow time for him to decompress. If you follow that approach, I can almost guarantee the nitpicking will decline precipitously.

Anonymous wrote:He has no right to expect to come home every day to a clean, perfect house.

Unless you two had no children.
But you do.
And living w/kids is messy + chaotic.

He’s a fool if he cannot understand this!
Sounds to me like you always give your best effort.

And that is not good enough for him...

Honestly my issue isn't even that he comes home expecting the kids to have put their things away and cleaned up the playroom. My kids are old enough that the expectation that they put away their things, for example, swim bags and towels, is fine. What drives me mad is that it is the first thing he harps on the second he walks in the door. No, "hi guys, how was your day?" No waiting to tell them to go clean up their things until after they finish dinner. Instead he walks in and immediately says "get in here and put away your swim bags (or whatever)". It just sets such a bad tone and puts everyone in a bad mood the second he walks in the door.

He has no right to expect to come home every day to a clean, perfect house.

Unless you two had no children.
But you do.
And living w/kids is messy + chaotic.

He’s a fool if he cannot understand this!
Sounds to me like you always give your best effort.

And that is not good enough for him...

I could have written this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our home is much calmer and cleaner when my partner is away. There is a better flow and kids are more easygoing (mostly). There is a ton that is not easy still, but overall it’s less complicated.

I feel the same way when my DH is gone.

Me three. I still can't put my finger on why the three of us are more relaxed when he's away.

Me too. No harm, no foul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do the kids pick things up for you without “nagging?”

I’m more lax about things. I don’t expect everything to be perfect. Even if there is a day when I don’t go to work I feel like I need to make sure everything is clean when he comes home or he gets annoyed. Or if I make dinner and the kitchen is still messy when he walks in he gets annoyed. I can’t stand a messy kitchen either, but I wait to clean until after we eat because we're all hungry.

+1000

I'm 25 years in with a teen still in the home and I fantasize about living alone.

Anonymous wrote:Our home is much calmer and cleaner when my partner is away. There is a better flow and kids are more easygoing (mostly). There is a ton that is not easy still, but overall it’s less complicated.

I feel the same way when my DH is gone.

Our home is much calmer and cleaner when my partner is away. There is a better flow and kids are more easygoing (mostly). There is a ton that is not easy still, but overall it’s less complicated.

Anonymous wrote:I wish he traveled for work more often and love when he comes home late. I appreciate that he takes care of the kids and all but it’s so nice calling all the shots when he’s gone. I feel like we’re all more relaxed. I get so tired of listen to go nag the kids to pick things up and do x, y, z. We have different parenting styles and 10 yrs in it’s wearing on me.

Same her different sex. I can eat when I want and had sex 3 times yesterday. Going to get Thai now.

I feel like he comes home looking for things to get nit picky about.

Anonymous wrote:So do the kids pick things up for you without “nagging?”

I’m more lax about things. I don’t expect everything to be perfect. Even if there is a day when I don’t go to work I feel like I need to make sure everything is clean when he comes home or he gets annoyed. Or if I make dinner and the kitchen is still messy when he walks in he gets annoyed. I can’t stand a messy kitchen either, but I wait to clean until after we eat because we're all hungry.

Anonymous wrote:So do the kids pick things up for you without “nagging?”

Good question...

So do the kids pick things up for you without “nagging?”

I wish he traveled for work more often and love when he comes home late. I appreciate that he takes care of the kids and all but it’s so nice calling all the shots when he’s gone. I feel like we’re all more relaxed. I get so tired of listen to go nag the kids to pick things up and do x, y, z. We have different parenting styles and 10 yrs in it’s wearing on me.