Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:22
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:Long story short:
DW cheated. We are divorcing. We agreed to 50/50 custody.
16 yo, who has a litany of complaints about her mother already, discovered affair. Now says she refuses to live with her mom. She's also mad at me for refusing to discuss her mom's affair with her and for, oddly, advocating for her mom. I've tried to encourage her to give it a chance and spend at least some time with her mom at her new place, but she is stubbornly refusing.
Complicating factor: I will live a mile from her school. Mom moved to another town 10 miles away. Custody agreement says one week with mom, one week with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love DD and am more than happy to have her with me full time, except two things:
1) The one upside of 50/50 custody was at least I was going to get some adult freedom back. I guess it's not a huge deal if that's deferred until college, but it's a consideration.
2) I don't want to be in contempt of court (although I made sure language was included in the settlement agreement that gave teens aged 14 and above a bigger say in where they wanted to be.
So, my questions are as follows:
1) When I travel for work, is my 16 yo -- near 17 yo -- old enough to stay in my house alone? Or, shoudl I send her to a friend's if she won't go to mom's?
2) Similar question if/when I feel like dating again. Settlement agreement says I can never have someone at my place overnight until divorce is final, and it's possible we'll postpone that because of health insurance costs (it will cost her $250/month to stay on my employer-provided insurance vs. paying about $800/month on the open market. She has health issues and I'm not a monster, so may agree to just remain separated, although there's that morality clause in the settlement agreement prohibiting overnight guests (i.e., sex partners) while the children are in the house.
3) Should I go to court to change the child support? Since it's 50/50, the amount isn't huge -- in fact, it's small enough that I'll probably continue paying for two kids even after she emancipates in two years (her sister emancipates in four years). However, the amount for two kids becomes significantly higher if I am going to end up with de factor physical custody anyway. Reopening that, however, will piss off my wife, who feels entitled to every penny she's getting (and she's not getting that much in spousal support because of the affair).
Thoughts?
1) WTF with adult freedom. Dude, she is gone in 2 years, don't be a douche.
2) Be an adult, she is going to her moms on her weeks. 10 miles away... really????? So what, kids in DC area travel 30 min-1 hr to school no excuse.
Not sure why you started numbers over but
1)No! She can't stay at your house alone... again WTF. She goes to mom's ... she has no choice.. unless mom has moved drug addict boyfriend in. Also, this is what adulting looks like, you don't travel the weeks you have custody of your child.
2) You have 2 years until college. Do not have overnight guest. Here is the pecking order daughter over sex.
3) If you want 100% custody because you love your daughter, ask for 100% ... if you just want to save money or be a jerk, keep it 50/50.
Your daughter needs to learn forgiveness ... find her a therapist and while you are at it, you need one too.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:14
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.
Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!
Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!
So? His daughter didn't.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:14
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.
Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!
Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!
His daughter did not.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:12
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
You need to change your work schedule to be a full time parent. Grow up. No she cannot stay alone. No, do not go after child support if you do not need it. If you make more you could pay.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:09
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.
Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!
Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:08
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Your poor daughter. Her family has been broken, her relationship with her mother is forever changed, and you're not wanting her around full time either. Please reconsider - she needs you right now.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 12:05
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.
Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!
Anonymous
06/18/2019 11:30
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 11:29
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
This is what family counselling is for!
You and the counselor and the teen need to sit down and the counselor can help you hear the teen and the teen hear your concerns. The counselor can help you work this out. The teen needs (i.e. MUST) be on board and included in the plan. It will not work without teen's buy in. Plus, having the counselor help in the discussion will protect you if mom goes to court complaining that you are undermining her relationship with the teen.
You and the counselor and the teen need to sit down and the counselor can help you hear the teen and the teen hear your concerns. The counselor can help you work this out. The teen needs (i.e. MUST) be on board and included in the plan. It will not work without teen's buy in. Plus, having the counselor help in the discussion will protect you if mom goes to court complaining that you are undermining her relationship with the teen.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 11:17
Subject: Re:My teen refuses to live with her mother
Anonymous wrote:How old is your other child? Is it important to you to have the morality clause? Personally, I've been divorced 4 years and my BF of several years never stays over when I have my child, but I still think morality clauses are kind of ridiculous-and rarely enforceable. I would ask your lawyer about your responsibility to facilitate and support custody time with mom, and also send your daughter to therapy. In terms of chld support, I would give it some time and see how things shake out. If your daughter actually will not stay with her mom for months on end, maybe seek a change in custody and child support.
Her sister is 14, doesn't know about her mom's affair, and is willing to at least give 50/50 a try. We will see what happens in the school year when she has to commute to high school from 10 miles away versus just walk from my house. I do have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to end up with basically full custody of both.
Wife will fight for full child support even if that happens, because she's obsessed with money and doesn't seem to grasp that child support belongs to the CHILDREN, not to her.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 10:51
Subject: Re:My teen refuses to live with her mother
How old is your other child? Is it important to you to have the morality clause? Personally, I've been divorced 4 years and my BF of several years never stays over when I have my child, but I still think morality clauses are kind of ridiculous-and rarely enforceable. I would ask your lawyer about your responsibility to facilitate and support custody time with mom, and also send your daughter to therapy. In terms of chld support, I would give it some time and see how things shake out. If your daughter actually will not stay with her mom for months on end, maybe seek a change in custody and child support.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 10:48
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Change custody and never leave a 16 year old alone overnight. This advice is for married and single parents. It is not about her being able to stay home alone, she is capable of that, it is about throwing parties, drinking and smoking pot when you are away. This is common sense for parent's of teens.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 10:48
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
I don’t blame your dd at all. She’s old enough to know what happened.
I’d petition for full legal physical custody and to adjust the overnight clause.
I know you want a break. All parents do, but your kids come first when going through something this traumatic. It’s only 2 years.
I’d petition for full legal physical custody and to adjust the overnight clause.
I know you want a break. All parents do, but your kids come first when going through something this traumatic. It’s only 2 years.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 10:47
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
I can't advise you on most of what you're asking about but I would absolutely not leave a teen alone in my house while I'm traveling for work. There's too much temptation to get into trouble.
Anonymous
06/18/2019 10:42
Subject: My teen refuses to live with her mother
Long story short:
DW cheated. We are divorcing. We agreed to 50/50 custody.
16 yo, who has a litany of complaints about her mother already, discovered affair. Now says she refuses to live with her mom. She's also mad at me for refusing to discuss her mom's affair with her and for, oddly, advocating for her mom. I've tried to encourage her to give it a chance and spend at least some time with her mom at her new place, but she is stubbornly refusing.
Complicating factor: I will live a mile from her school. Mom moved to another town 10 miles away. Custody agreement says one week with mom, one week with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love DD and am more than happy to have her with me full time, except two things:
1) The one upside of 50/50 custody was at least I was going to get some adult freedom back. I guess it's not a huge deal if that's deferred until college, but it's a consideration.
2) I don't want to be in contempt of court (although I made sure language was included in the settlement agreement that gave teens aged 14 and above a bigger say in where they wanted to be.
So, my questions are as follows:
1) When I travel for work, is my 16 yo -- near 17 yo -- old enough to stay in my house alone? Or, shoudl I send her to a friend's if she won't go to mom's?
2) Similar question if/when I feel like dating again. Settlement agreement says I can never have someone at my place overnight until divorce is final, and it's possible we'll postpone that because of health insurance costs (it will cost her $250/month to stay on my employer-provided insurance vs. paying about $800/month on the open market. She has health issues and I'm not a monster, so may agree to just remain separated, although there's that morality clause in the settlement agreement prohibiting overnight guests (i.e., sex partners) while the children are in the house.
3) Should I go to court to change the child support? Since it's 50/50, the amount isn't huge -- in fact, it's small enough that I'll probably continue paying for two kids even after she emancipates in two years (her sister emancipates in four years). However, the amount for two kids becomes significantly higher if I am going to end up with de factor physical custody anyway. Reopening that, however, will piss off my wife, who feels entitled to every penny she's getting (and she's not getting that much in spousal support because of the affair).
Thoughts?
DW cheated. We are divorcing. We agreed to 50/50 custody.
16 yo, who has a litany of complaints about her mother already, discovered affair. Now says she refuses to live with her mom. She's also mad at me for refusing to discuss her mom's affair with her and for, oddly, advocating for her mom. I've tried to encourage her to give it a chance and spend at least some time with her mom at her new place, but she is stubbornly refusing.
Complicating factor: I will live a mile from her school. Mom moved to another town 10 miles away. Custody agreement says one week with mom, one week with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love DD and am more than happy to have her with me full time, except two things:
1) The one upside of 50/50 custody was at least I was going to get some adult freedom back. I guess it's not a huge deal if that's deferred until college, but it's a consideration.
2) I don't want to be in contempt of court (although I made sure language was included in the settlement agreement that gave teens aged 14 and above a bigger say in where they wanted to be.
So, my questions are as follows:
1) When I travel for work, is my 16 yo -- near 17 yo -- old enough to stay in my house alone? Or, shoudl I send her to a friend's if she won't go to mom's?
2) Similar question if/when I feel like dating again. Settlement agreement says I can never have someone at my place overnight until divorce is final, and it's possible we'll postpone that because of health insurance costs (it will cost her $250/month to stay on my employer-provided insurance vs. paying about $800/month on the open market. She has health issues and I'm not a monster, so may agree to just remain separated, although there's that morality clause in the settlement agreement prohibiting overnight guests (i.e., sex partners) while the children are in the house.
3) Should I go to court to change the child support? Since it's 50/50, the amount isn't huge -- in fact, it's small enough that I'll probably continue paying for two kids even after she emancipates in two years (her sister emancipates in four years). However, the amount for two kids becomes significantly higher if I am going to end up with de factor physical custody anyway. Reopening that, however, will piss off my wife, who feels entitled to every penny she's getting (and she's not getting that much in spousal support because of the affair).
Thoughts?