My husband would constantly have this talk with me. Finally I broke down and told him the truth. Sex with him was like a chore. I felt like I needed to do it for maintenance but never really wanted to do it with him. Why? I was tired of working out to keep my body right after 3 kids, wear lingerie, spice it up, and he just comes to the bed with his 10 year old crusty underwear. How about you look and smell nice too? How about you get some abs? No way should I have abs after 3 kids and you have a gut after none. He comes to bed with food, and I don’t want to jump on you when the last image I have is of you stuffing your face and burping.

One thing I would suggest - take a look at yourself and do an honest assessment. Are you any good or are you only focused on yourself? My husband sucks. I mean, he literally is just so bad in bed. At one point, who knows when, he stopped caring about my needs at all. It was ALL about him. So forget it, I don't have any desire to be a live blow up doll. I told him that and nothing changed. So we're in a sexless marriage. His choice in my opinion.

I mean, come on. Who wouldn't want good sex more than once a week? Bad sex? No thanks.

So it's 1x per week... and you want it ??? how many times.

What is the age of your kids?

Anonymous wrote:Is there a realistic way for a man to approach his wife that he is feeling sexually neglected that doesn't come off as whiny, or another thing on his wife's to do list?

I have never found any approach to be successful. It's usually met with some statement that our sex life is fine, that 1x per week is better than most married men get (we don't do it that often, and if I point that out, aren't I those lame men who keep track?)

If this is just as good as it gets and talking only makes it worse, would be good to know so I am not making it worse by bringing it up.

You're making it worse by NOT bringing it up Einstein.

I don't think the problem here is sex or "the sex conversation," the problem is the way you approach difficult conversations together.

Anonymous wrote:I actually do think sex 1x a week is more than most men get so be happy with that!

That's BS. Have the talk. Let her know that you need it more than you are getting it and that it's making you unhappy in your marriage. When she brings up other marriages, tell her you aren't talking about anyone else and you didn't marry those women for a reason. You married her and that you had sex more frequently then. Ask her if there is something you can do to make the sex more enjoyable for her. If it doesn't get better, when you go to parties, be sure to chat with other women and make them laugh. It's amazing what competition does for a woman's sex drive. If her friend's start talking about how great you are, she will make an effort not to lose you.

By now you should know her and her body. You should know what she reacts well to. Toys, oils, massages all can enhance the experience.

Anonymous wrote:There was that guy that did the excel spreadsheet of their sex for years. When they did it, how long, what acts, who initiated, rating etc.

You could take that approach and you would at least have evidence to back up what you are saying.

Which will do you no good at all because she won’t give a shit and it makes you look autistic.

You can’t negotiate attraction, least of all with a spreadsheet.

Here's the problem, if the only things that you are interested in from your wife are housework and sex, you are likely to get neither. I would put good money on it that your wife feels this way

Keep track and if its not 1x a week you can show her. I had the talk but it was 1x every 6 months

I actually do think sex 1x a week is more than most men get so be happy with that!

I think it could work if you make it more about your feelings and not accuse or make it sound like she's not up to par so she doesn't get defensive.

"I'd like to have sex more often in order to feel closer and more connected" vs. "We don't have sex enough and I feel neglected."

There was that guy that did the excel spreadsheet of their sex for years. When they did it, how long, what acts, who initiated, rating etc.

You could take that approach and you would at least have evidence to back up what you are saying.

No. A woman always believes the amount of sex that she wants is the right amount for the relationship. If you can't see that then you are being unreasonable in her opinion

I find that the problem with talking is that it's just talking.

I need action and effort.

Is there a realistic way for a man to approach his wife that he is feeling sexually neglected that doesn't come off as whiny, or another thing on his wife's to do list?

I have never found any approach to be successful. It's usually met with some statement that our sex life is fine, that 1x per week is better than most married men get (we don't do it that often, and if I point that out, aren't I those lame men who keep track?)

If this is just as good as it gets and talking only makes it worse, would be good to know so I am not making it worse by bringing it up.