We make a very good income, and we certainly aren't poor, but we live in an apartment and our kid doesn't get all the things that her friends have. It's not an issue. I think it's good for kids to be kind of in the middle, and have people both above and below them in terms of family income and spending. I can't imagine how it would hurt a kid to not have everything that all her friends have.

DC has a lot of different income levels, OP. I think being in an environment where some people have more, and some have less is normal.

I grew up just outside of Orange County, CA, and while we did fine, my friends lived in practical mansions and got new cars when they turned 16. It didn't help any of those kids to grow up like that.

Another thing to consider - If you move some where where your kids are the ones that have the "nicer things" what impact would that have on them about self worth, materialism etc. Basically, there is no right or wrong answer. Think about what specifically your kids and family need - in short term and in long term and then decide.

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest is in HS and I know several families who have thought about this, including some who have moved for this, among other, reasons. DC is a very status-conscious place, of course, and it can be tough on some kids. The interesting thing to me is that some of the most affluent kids can be the most insecure. A lot depends on what kids hear at home. That said, however, there are a lot of good reasons for moving to a place where competitive parenting isn't a thing for so many people.

Or move to a different neighborhood in DC. Believe me, competitive parenting is not a thing in my neighborhood. You don't have to live somewhere where people are obsessed about outdoing the Joneses.

Anonymous wrote:No. I’m going to be harsh here, but basically you are asking whether you are HARMING your kids, if they can’t have what their friends have. Kids will be fine if they can’t go to space camp, trips to Disney, or have the newest iPhone. They will be fine.

Now if you want to move to be closer to family, to achieve better work-life balance, etc., those are great reasons to move.

Agree. This seems like an odd reason to base a move on. OP, do you want to live in that area or not? That's the important thing, not whether you may or may not be able to afford the same camps that your kids' friends in DC attend.

I have lived on both coasts, as a kid/teenager, and the DC area. I was UMC and in all three areas there were people who were very focused on status symbols while the vast majority of people were not. It is all about how you choose to handle things.

When I was a kid I wanted Jordache jeans and Nikes because that is what the cool kids had. And Members Only coats. I was one of four kids. My parents were saving for retirement and college. I didn't get any of those things because my parents prioritized saving and reasonable spending. I had nice jeans but not Jordaches. My sneakers were great, but not Nikes. I went to over night camp for two weeks a summer and then was at home the rest of the summer. I pouted and then was happy when I came out of college without any debt while a good number of my friends ended up with some debt.

There is no need to keep up with your neighbors. Live the life you are comfortable with and teach your child that people don't have to have the latest and greatest and trendiest things. Save to send them to one great camp and then do other things over the summer. You have nice things, your kids have nice things.

The more important question is are you happy with your overall life? Do you both like your jobs? Is one of you willing to not do what you do? Are your kids happy?

It sounds like the problem is that you don't want to live in an apartment but you do and it makes you feel behind. I suspect you could afford a house and then when you move to a neighborhood where you can afford a house, your kids will be the newly gentrifying rich kids. Problem solved.

If a good job took me to a lower COL area I’d seriously consider it but I wouldn’t move to a lower COL area just so I can move up to UMC. Moving.....period.....requires a very thoughtful listing of all the pros and cons with COL just being one of them.

This area has a lot of advantages, though. In the lower COL area, what is the job market like? Not just for you, but for your kids in terms of things like summer internships or first jobs if they move back home after college. How are the schools, or are you shelling out for private (which still might not be that great in some areas)? What about the public university situation if your kids are going to go that route eventually? What kind of extracurriculars, museums, cultural experiences, concerts, etc. are there?

My parents are always encouraging us to move back to the low-medium COL area in the Midwest where I grew up to be closer to home. DH’s job is fairly portable with some planning, and I’m a SAHM to 2 kids, 1 with special (medical) needs. But then I think about the overall job market there, and how the majority of higher-achieving students go away to college and then go on to live in DC or Chicago for their first jobs ... and I realize if we moved back we’d just be in the same situation with our kids when they get old enough! So we’re staying put unless a really, really good opportunity arises.

I wonder if you could move to a more middle-class suburb in the DC area if you feel out of place in DC or close-in? Maybe NWDC or Bethesda or Arlington isn’t right for you, but maybe Rockville or Springfield or Centreville is.

It's not just extracurriculars. I felt more "normal" and well off growing up middle class in a LCOL area than I suspect my kid will here, where we live in an apartment and a lot of his friends live in houses with devoted playrooms (just for example). We can only afford driving and camping vacations, our friends fly places. I try not to highlight this stuff in front of my kid but kids aren't stupid. We're not poor. I am sure the differences will only become more apparent with age.

I'd strongly consider moving out for a better quality of life on an average income - but we're in the two specialized jobs trap, where one of us could find woek elsewhere, but both would be like lightninf striking.

Our youngest is in HS and I know several families who have thought about this, including some who have moved for this, among other, reasons. DC is a very status-conscious place, of course, and it can be tough on some kids. The interesting thing to me is that some of the most affluent kids can be the most insecure. A lot depends on what kids hear at home. That said, however, there are a lot of good reasons for moving to a place where competitive parenting isn't a thing for so many people.

Many of us are in the DC area because of very specific jobs that cannot easily be found elsewhere. So whether or not our kids get the most extracurriculars is not the question.

I am perturbed by the fact that you already feel behind when you describe yourself as a median income level earner, and going up. This is where you're going wrong.

No. I’m going to be harsh here, but basically you are asking whether you are HARMING your kids, if they can’t have what their friends have. Kids will be fine if they can’t go to space camp, trips to Disney, or have the newest iPhone. They will be fine.

Now if you want to move to be closer to family, to achieve better work-life balance, etc., those are great reasons to move.

There are alot of variables here. Where exactly do you want to live ( DC area is very vague and there are a variety of places both UC, UMC, MC and LC)? What is your income? Are you going to public or private school?

DH and I are from a mid-sized southern city where we grew up UMC (maybe even UC for DH). In this area we are right at median income level (and going up, but not rapidly). We're concerned that as our kids get older we won't be able to put them in all of the camps, activities, trips etc with their friends. If we move to a lower COL area (and where people aren't as wealthy in general) I dont think it would be an issue. I'd be really interested to hear from anyone who grew up in this area and wasn't one of the wealthy kids or someone who has kids in that position now.