Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 17:00     Subject: Re:How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't be on his phone when he's supposed to be spending time with his child. You shouldn't have to tell him that. Also, make it a house rule.


Really? That how things work in your house? One parent unilaterally makes a rule, and the other . . . just follows it?
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 16:56     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Tape him on the phone while he's missing life go on around him.
Then show him the video.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 16:44     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Get circle by Disney and don’t tell him. Just let him think the house has spotty wifi
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:49     Subject: Re:How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
He shouldn't be on his phone when he's supposed to be spending time with his child. You shouldn't have to tell him that. Also, make it a house rule.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:21     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH is always sitting there on his phone. He says he has to sit in a chair for his back instead of playing on the fooor, ok. But he often just sits there staring at his phone and I hear DS trying to talk to him and is ignored. DH says he is looking up house or work problems, and also says he isn’t on his phone all night, which is somewhat true- he plugs his phone in after DS’s bedtime and is off his phone for several hours in the late evening.


So without nagging, what do I do? I hate to think he and DS are missing out on quality time. DH has quality time with him but mostly when they leave the house to go shopping or to the pool. At the playground or at home, he just lets DS play (often while trying to engage his dad) while he stares at the phone.


You don't do anything. It's not your job to manage their interactions.


I completely disagree. This is a family and its everyone's responsibility to look out for each other. If she sees that his actions are having a negative effect on the family then she needs to tell him. Perhaps start with a rule that there is no screen time in front of the kids. He's free to go to another room if he really just wants to surf the internet. But currently what he's teaching his kid is that his phone is more interesting than the child. Not a good behavior to model for the child. And he could certainly use the phone after DS goes to bed, so that he can pay more attention to his kids.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:15     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him to put the phone away?


Not recently. He is particularly sensitive to “criticism.”


Ok, so what that tells me is you spend a lot of time volunteering your opinions on how he should interact with your child. Remember that intensive mothering is stupid to begin with and understand that fathers, in general, are not as inclined to engage in that behavior. So, you need to step back and let him do his thing without you weighing in, making "suggestions" or otherwise trying to control how they interact. That's a dangerous trap and it will eventually kill your marriage. Let him parent his way.


I don’t mean actual criticism. I mean any feedback that is not self generated or self confirmed. Like a barista asking if he wants his drink cold or hot and it’s supposed to be a hot drink so DH feels mocked and flies into a rage. He’s mellowed in the past couple years but that’s one example.


He's in therapy, yes?
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:10     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
he sounds crazy, maybe don't have him supervise toddler alone
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:07     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him to put the phone away?


Not recently. He is particularly sensitive to “criticism.”


Ok, so what that tells me is you spend a lot of time volunteering your opinions on how he should interact with your child. Remember that intensive mothering is stupid to begin with and understand that fathers, in general, are not as inclined to engage in that behavior. So, you need to step back and let him do his thing without you weighing in, making "suggestions" or otherwise trying to control how they interact. That's a dangerous trap and it will eventually kill your marriage. Let him parent his way.


I don’t mean actual criticism. I mean any feedback that is not self generated or self confirmed. Like a barista asking if he wants his drink cold or hot and it’s supposed to be a hot drink so DH feels mocked and flies into a rage. He’s mellowed in the past couple years but that’s one example.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:05     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him to put the phone away?


Not recently. He is particularly sensitive to “criticism.”


Ok, so what that tells me is you spend a lot of time volunteering your opinions on how he should interact with your child. Remember that intensive mothering is stupid to begin with and understand that fathers, in general, are not as inclined to engage in that behavior. So, you need to step back and let him do his thing without you weighing in, making "suggestions" or otherwise trying to control how they interact. That's a dangerous trap and it will eventually kill your marriage. Let him parent his way.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:03     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:DH is always sitting there on his phone. He says he has to sit in a chair for his back instead of playing on the fooor, ok. But he often just sits there staring at his phone and I hear DS trying to talk to him and is ignored. DH says he is looking up house or work problems, and also says he isn’t on his phone all night, which is somewhat true- he plugs his phone in after DS’s bedtime and is off his phone for several hours in the late evening.


So without nagging, what do I do? I hate to think he and DS are missing out on quality time. DH has quality time with him but mostly when they leave the house to go shopping or to the pool. At the playground or at home, he just lets DS play (often while trying to engage his dad) while he stares at the phone.


You don't do anything. It's not your job to manage their interactions.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 15:01     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Can your toddler talk? Teach him to say something like the following

“Dad do you like your phone more than me?”

“Dad play with me not your phone!”

If that’s too long, try:

“Dad text me!”

Etc.
You get the picture. You know your DH, teach your kid to say whatever you think would be most effective.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 14:53     Subject: Re:How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
I would talk to him about it at a time that isn't in the moment. So not when it's actually happening, but when things are going well, it's just the two of you and you can nicely discuss that it's been bothering you a little bit
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 14:32     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him to put the phone away?


Not recently. He is particularly sensitive to “criticism.”
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 14:31     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
Have you asked him to put the phone away?
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2019 14:22     Subject: How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?
DH is always sitting there on his phone. He says he has to sit in a chair for his back instead of playing on the fooor, ok. But he often just sits there staring at his phone and I hear DS trying to talk to him and is ignored. DH says he is looking up house or work problems, and also says he isn’t on his phone all night, which is somewhat true- he plugs his phone in after DS’s bedtime and is off his phone for several hours in the late evening.


So without nagging, what do I do? I hate to think he and DS are missing out on quality time. DH has quality time with him but mostly when they leave the house to go shopping or to the pool. At the playground or at home, he just lets DS play (often while trying to engage his dad) while he stares at the phone.