My son has a new friend that’s had some really tough stuff at home lately. I know the boy is going off the rails a bit and most in our circle have been gossipy about him, his mom and the stuff he’s doing. I went to my son and said xx is going through some really tough stuff, and I know he’s acting out, getting a lot. I decided to keep the communication open with my son, not ban him from seeing him, and to me most importantly show compassion for a family in a difficult out place. Instead of alienating the kid, I have asked him over for dinner and tried to get to know him. My mantra with my son is good kids make mistakes.

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is a jerk, I blame the child and the parents.

Troll

In my prestigious college, I had a dear friend who was one of the kindest and sweetest people I ever met. Vegan and wouldn't hurt a fly. Her father beat her and her sibling on a regular basis, and her mother did nothing to stop it. Parents don't deserve all the credit nor the blame.

Hi op—I’ve been humbled recently too and I’m now far less likely to blame parents for a kid’s behavior than I used to. Hoping both our kids grow out of what they’re going through.

OP, as a mom of a child with special needs can i just tell you-you are preaching to the choir and I am so used to being judged I am downright shocked when people don't judge. You just have to expect it sometimes and move on.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have a horrible sibling so I feel ya.

Ugh, me too! My brother is AWFUL and I feel the most for my parents who tried everything. They still bear the brunt of his wrath and have gone months without speaking to him.

He thinks life is so unfair and somehow he has been wronged. He was my tormented as a teen and if we had the money, my parents could have shipped him off to military school so we didn't all have to be exposed to him

OP, my brother was like your son. He was awful to me when we were teens. He was my bully. High school was my safe space, and home was where I was bullied (by him).

He's now 37 and just this year called me one night to apologize for how he treated me when we were kids/teens. He's also making sporadic attempts to email me (we live in different countries now) about his life.

I suspect he's started therapy, probably at his wife's urging. But she loves him and they are still married, and whatever is going on, he's finally showing signs of empathy and wanting to connect with family. And it has been just enough years for me to forgive him and to be open to his advances to connect.

So there's hope.

Anonymous wrote:He might not always be that way. He may be humbled himself at some point in his life. Young and arrogant is not forever!

OP here. yes we hope so! We just try to hold him accountable and I think eventually he will be ok , he’s loved and he knows it, just not always “liked” by us.

He might not always be that way. He may be humbled himself at some point in his life. Young and arrogant is not forever!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is a jerk, I blame the child and the parents.

Not OP but you are an ass.

Apparently her parents were too.

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is a jerk, I blame the child and the parents.

Not OP but you are an ass.

I get you, OP. I've known guys like this, especially if they're good athletes. If you're a good parent, usually these guys will turn around later in life and be good guys. Keep setting the example, and they'll come around. Maturity doesn't come to everyone at the same time.

If your kid is a jerk, I blame the child and the parents.

Sorry. I have a horrible sibling so I feel ya.

I have three kids, all teens. Two have been great, the usual stuff, but nothing major. One is a stand out in terms of character. I have another who has always humbled me. Very tough kid and teen. We have worked really hard. Therapy, parenting classes, and other means to get him to be easier to get along with and less volatile. Now that he’s a later teen, he’s pretty cocky. Good looking, good athlete, definitely full of himself and can be jerky. I hear parents all the time talk about kids and blaming the parents. I’m telling you we’ve done all we knew to do and sought help when we didn’t know what to do. Just a PSA of sorts I guess.