Anonymous wrote: I always have to be the bad cop and he always is the fun dad. Drives me crazy!

My wife is more often the bad cop because she feels the need to micromanage the kids (early teens.) She also gets mad about their transgressions more quickly. My approach is to focus on fewer things and, when I do, I escalate in stages: friendly request, less friendly reminder, firm directive, wrath of God.

Women complain more about the mental burden. Men are generally happy to help out where and when told. Women get tired of directing them around like sims and want them to have initiative too.

(you can replace women/men with partnerA/partnerB)

That's not what we ever fight about- I'd say our division if labor is maybe 65/35 me, but he works more, so I do more around the house and with the kids (dr appts, driving them here there and everywhere).

Fortunately, we are on the same page with money, something else couples usually fight about.

Our issue is the kids/parenting. I always have to be the bad cop and he always is the fun dad. Drives me crazy!

Anonymous wrote:Instead of paying a counselor, get a maid service once a week.

That doesn't take care of the cars, lawn, garbage, snow shoveling, home repair, firewood fetching, or a million other things men tend to do.

Instead of paying a counselor, get a maid service once a week.

Anonymous wrote:You really think the division of labor issue is just about the couple not knowing how to divide chores?

Hilarious!

The biggest problems are in marriages where one person was raised to believe one of the following:
1) men and women have different roles in life
2) fair means equal

Sorry OP, but your previous household duties law topic was not a “hot thread”. But you keep trying.

Anonymous wrote:I thought this thread would be about a marriage counselor who could help a couple divide their home in the event of a divorce. I’m disappointed.

No, you are confusing the mediating services that are tons of out there. It was about something that actually save marriages from divorce but seems nobody cares.

I thought this thread would be about a marriage counselor who could help a couple divide their home in the event of a divorce. I’m disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:You really think the division of labor issue is just about the couple not knowing how to divide chores?

I mean ... kind of? Or at least to help both partners understand and accept the situation. At the very beginning (when my child was a newborn) I was so overwhelmed that I didn't even really know how to ask for help. All I knew is that I felt very, very alone with a DH trying to pretend like he didn't have a child ...

Don't you just hate when your wife's vacuuming is bothering you when you try to watch TV in peace?

Anonymous wrote:You really think the division of labor issue is just about the couple not knowing how to divide chores?

Far from that, it seems that they can not get into any agreement.

maybe this?... a little bit?..

You really think the division of labor issue is just about the couple not knowing how to divide chores?

Anonymous wrote:Or so it seems. Judging by the last hot thread about work division at home. Looks like everybody jumped the gun.
Also there is a very clear notion that therapist do not involve themselves in such a trivial problem which is btw. one of the highest on the divorce list. It is very interesting why there is no services that combine in one office a marriage counselor with a negotiating specialist and a lawyer, or all rolled in one person who would help people to peacefully divide tasks.
What is clear that there is a difference in how people perceive marriage duties prior to kids and once they arrive. Kids are game changers, and marriage breakers due to no fault of theirs.

Wouldn't it be brilliant idea if during your next marriage counseling session instead of asking "and how do you feel about the task division" someone would say "okay kids, lets divide all the responsibilities fairly and squarely, I am your specialist and Marriage Tasking Genius and I am going to do with one fast swish of my magic wand of experience."
Now go home happy and live ever after accordingly.

I'm not a therapist, but I play one on DCUM.
I'm willing to take on the role of Marriage Tasking Genius.

Or so it seems. Judging by the last hot thread about work division at home. Looks like everybody jumped the gun.
Also there is a very clear notion that therapist do not involve themselves in such a trivial problem which is btw. one of the highest on the divorce list. It is very interesting why there is no services that combine in one office a marriage counselor with a negotiating specialist and a lawyer, or all rolled in one person who would help people to peacefully divide tasks.
What is clear that there is a difference in how people perceive marriage duties prior to kids and once they arrive. Kids are game changers, and marriage breakers due to no fault of theirs.

Wouldn't it be brilliant idea if during your next marriage counseling session instead of asking "and how do you feel about the task division" someone would say "okay kids, lets divide all the responsibilities fairly and squarely, I am your specialist and Marriage Tasking Genius and I am going to do with one fast swish of my magic wand of experience."
Now go home happy and live ever after accordingly.