OP, you either say "thank you" and you mean it (sounds like you're currently not grateful) OR you initiate another rhythm to this friendship. You initiate and you make sure it happens. How would you like to spend time with this friend? YOU have to decide what/when and then YOU make that happen.

Anonymous wrote:... do you need to say thank you for it?

A friend brings dinner and stays for dinner once a week to help me since DH has been deployed. I think she is bugged that I don’t thank her for it even though I never asked her to do it and she doesn’t have to - we do okay on our own. I mean it is nice having another set of hands at bedtime and my daughter loves it when this friend comes over.

Am I wrong in my thinking? We both eat the dinner she brings.

I say thank you for things that I didn't ask for all the time?

For example, if someone holds a door for me, I say thank you, even though I am capable of holding the door. I expect my kid to thank me when I make dinner even though it happens every night without asking. When my mom calls me up and offers to pick up my kid from school, which allows me to go to the grocery store in peace I say thank you.

If you actually didn't want it, then you wouldn't say thank you, but if you're enjoying it, and her friend enjoys it, and you eat the dinner, then you thank them.

Yes, you thank people for doing nice things (holding doors, making you dinner) even if you didn’t ask.

(I thought this was going to be about your friend acting like a martyr, which isn’t cool.)

So your husband is deployed, I'd like to thank you, as a military family, for your sacrifice and service. Oh...wait...that would just be him, right? You didn't do anything.

Your friend relieves you of dinner duty and helps with childcare once a week (I presume you never return the "favor"), and you can't bring yourself to thank her? Why is wrong with you??

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry but you’re a total moron. The most meaningful gestures are the ones you don’t ask for, and it should be OBVIOUS that a simple “thank you” is warranted.

+1 I really can't believe OP's thoughtlessness here, and hope her friend soon finds better friends to do nice things for.

This is ridiculous. You must be the rudest person ever. I say thank you to everyone - the person that holds the door for me (but I didn’t ask for that either) the server who brings my meal (they are getting a paycheck). it’s called manners and (the beloved DCUM) class. Of which, you appear to have neither.

Why in the world wouldn’t you? Of course you thank her.

What? Why would you NOT say thanks for this?

You literally can’t say the words thank you? I’m confused.

Yes, if course say thank you. You appreciate her help. You easy the dinner. And even if you didn't, she means well. If you want her to stop, tell her.

OP, sorry but you’re a total moron. The most meaningful gestures are the ones you don’t ask for, and it should be OBVIOUS that a simple “thank you” is warranted.

If this friendship is important to you, how hard is it to say a sincere thank you for the company and the meal. It sounds as though you appreciate it, even if you didn’t ask for it, so let your friend know! If I were the friend, yes, I would find it strange if you never expressed a word of appreciation.

OMG of course you should be saying thank you!

... do you need to say thank you for it?

A friend brings dinner and stays for dinner once a week to help me since DH has been deployed. I think she is bugged that I don’t thank her for it even though I never asked her to do it and she doesn’t have to - we do okay on our own. I mean it is nice having another set of hands at bedtime and my daughter loves it when this friend comes over.

Am I wrong in my thinking? We both eat the dinner she brings.