You worked 20 years, how much is in your retirement account... YOUR account not his.

Just make sure you contribute to a Roth Account in your name each year, either directly or backdoor if your DH makes too much.

I agree with prior posters who say the biggest risk is your stepping out of the workforce as alimony wouldn't continue forever. Keeping a foot in the door may be the best option for you if you're really fearful about your future.
As a couple, I imagine you're going to need to address a range of financial concerns (adjusting life insurance, tax planning, disability insurance) that maybe it makes sense to have a meeting with a financial planner and you can raise the concerns around 'if something were to happen to DH or our marriage' what's the best route for ensuring well-being. They may discuss the postnup as an option or you can ask about it directly.

Also, I think should can have a forthright conversation with your husband that is about managing your own anxieties about quitting work--having been a financially independent person, how that affects your identity and marriage and for you to take on this new role these are the assurances you need. It really can change the power balance in a marriage and I think it's helpful to have things written out clearly. You can decide if you want to insist on a postnup as part of your willingness to take on the SAHM role. (If you're the one advocating for quitting to take care of the kids and your DH isn't all in for it, this may be more awkward, but conversation is always better than not).

I became a SAHM a couple of years ago. Our salaries were/are a lot lower than yours and your husband's, but I think the basic approach is probably the same. I have my own retirement account (though admittedly we haven't been contributing to it recently and that's a big problem we're going to remedy). And while I have my own bank account from when I was earning, I only use that money when helping out my mom. All household and other personal expenses (like a friend trip to the beach) come out of the household bank account, which is where my husbands earnings go.

My name is on our house and car title. I have my own credit card as well as one I hold jointly with DH. Make sure you don't tune out to the household finances just because you aren't earning. The biggest risk you are taking is stepping out of the workforce.

If you won’t get a post nup the only way to “protect” yourself, beyond the ways our legal system already protects you, is to withdraw and hide money. When you divorce you will have to commit perjury and say you aren’t hiding it.

There’s not some other secret to getting money from your ex.

-Lawyer

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Should your husband think the same way and protect his financial security? Bet you would be pretty pissed if he did.

Anonymous wrote:Why would wife need anything. My wife is a SAHM, she gets tons of credit car offers, can buy cars whatever. If we get divorced she gets half of everything and as long as married ten years or greater gets the SS even in divorce.

And the spouse owes you alimony anyhow and he had to pay kids college tuiton.

A post nup he may be the ones looking for protection.

And now that husband can focus more on work his salary may go up.

Think about this my wife does not work the majority of our marriage. If she kept working she walk away with NOTHING. We split it 50/50 and she put half in. She gets nothing from me.

My smart wife stopped working, she gets 1/2 of my money in a split up and I get none of her money. Good call.

There's a lot that's factually incorrect in here.

Why would wife need anything. My wife is a SAHM, she gets tons of credit car offers, can buy cars whatever. If we get divorced she gets half of everything and as long as married ten years or greater gets the SS even in divorce.

And the spouse owes you alimony anyhow and he had to pay kids college tuiton.

A post nup he may be the ones looking for protection.

And now that husband can focus more on work his salary may go up.

Think about this my wife does not work the majority of our marriage. If she kept working she walk away with NOTHING. We split it 50/50 and she put half in. She gets nothing from me.

My smart wife stopped working, she gets 1/2 of my money in a split up and I get none of her money. Good call.

How long have you been married? Age of kid? You may not need a postnup if you’ve been married 15-20+years as a sahm.

Canyou find part time work or consulting work? Just to keep your foot in the door? The real issue could be getting back into the work force, so staying at least al little current could be helpful.

Or - if this is an urgent things right now, what about 8 weeks give or take of FLMA (you could take up to 12 weeks, most likely)? Use that time to get things right within your family and set some things up for the kids, and evaluate during that time what other options might exist.

Think about the things you lose, and how to counter balance them. What you lose:
- retirement earnings - in a divorce, you'd likely balance out retirement accounts. you'd probably get some of his retirement. Nothing really to lose here.
- ability to return to work - by stepping away, you'd make it are rot find a job if you should divorce, and certainly not a higher earning job. This is the area to focus on, I Think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only do it if your marriage is rock solid and both you and your spouse agree. If you cant have a discussion about a post-nup, maybe think about why. Can you take a leave of absence or go part time?

Agree with this. A post-nupt is just another form of insurance in case things don't work out and 50% of the potential for failure (i.e. your DH) is completely outside of your control. Better to negotiate things while you are on amicable terms and honestly it shouldn't be that difficult of a discussion to have.

Also, and perhaps not applicable in your situation, I think a post-nupt forces a couple to really think about how much each of them value the contributions of the SAHP.

Other obvious advice that applies to anyone would be to have at least one credit card in your name (i.e. you are not just an authorized user) and if you have joint finances make sure you are named on the accounts.

Agree. This decision is a big one, and forces a discussion about how things will change for your family. Consideration of finances is part of that. Who will manage your money? Will accounts be joint? etc. It doesn't necessarily need to be a big scary "post-nup" discussion, but if DH and I decided I was going to stay home, we'd need to work a lot of things out before I made that move. Your financial security is part of the equation.

Anonymous wrote:Only do it if your marriage is rock solid and both you and your spouse agree. If you cant have a discussion about a post-nup, maybe think about why. Can you take a leave of absence or go part time?

Agree with this. A post-nupt is just another form of insurance in case things don't work out and 50% of the potential for failure (i.e. your DH) is completely outside of your control. Better to negotiate things while you are on amicable terms and honestly it shouldn't be that difficult of a discussion to have.

Also, and perhaps not applicable in your situation, I think a post-nupt forces a couple to really think about how much each of them value the contributions of the SAHP.

Other obvious advice that applies to anyone would be to have at least one credit card in your name (i.e. you are not just an authorized user) and if you have joint finances make sure you are named on the accounts.

Go to a lawyer and discuss yoru options. And make sure your spouse cannot access your internet history or see you writing these things. I commend you for looking for ways to protect yourself.

Only do it if your marriage is rock solid and both you and your spouse agree. If you cant have a discussion about a post-nup, maybe think about why. Can you take a leave of absence or go part time?

Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!