Anonymous
04/24/2019 20:16
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
Dear Op,
You will have to figure this one out for yourself. Not saying this meanly but, you have to figure out your finances and whether you have the emotional energy and time to raise three or four or whatever. Each family is different although there are only four types of responses you will get:
Here they are:
Stopped at two: regret it..thriving!
stopped at two: don't regret it...thriving!
Or
Went for three..regret it.
Went for three...thriving in our chaos!
Some will say go for it and others will say stop. What does your spouse want?
Yeah, I know its our choice in the end. But its nice hearing from others about there experiences and maybe reasoning we hadn't thought of before. I know the dynamic is very different.
In the end we all make choices and then have to live with them. To me, it doesn't make sense to poll anyone but, my spouse and me because we are the ones raising the kids. Did you ask others when you went for your first or second? Treat it the same.
The OP asked for other's experiences, not for other's to decide if he/she should have another kid. Sometimes humans just need to hear perspectives and stories from other humans who have had similar experiences and struggles. That is what makes this forum so cool. We figure out we are not alone
Yes, but, how will other people's experiences really help you with making your decision? Did Op ask others for opinions on having the first or second? Your experience is your experience. How will it help me if you have a third and it works out but, I have a third and I get divorced? I don't get it. I understand if you ask for experience living in NYC or working as a lawyer but, there is so many differences in personalities and families that I don't understand how asking strangers will help.
Will the op decide not to have a third because others said it was difficult? I think it would be better to ask people who know you and your family, if anyone.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 20:15
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:I considered three and stopped at two.
I just know too many people that had kids with issues. My two (so far at eight and five now) are neurotypical and I did not want to push the envelope.
More than that though was other things. My husband is very introverted and even the chaos of two kids takes a lot out of him. I have two boys and they’re best friends and the dynamic would be different with a third regardless of gender.
Based on a number of reasons we basically have one functional grandparent (not local). Pretty much everyone I know with three or more children has significant local family help. That is not the case for us.
Life as a family of four now that the kids are out of babyhood is pretty awesome.
I should also add that everyone we know with three (and granted most of them have kids the age of our older two) is living in total chaos. Constantly splitting up because someone has to nap and older kids have activities, no couple time, etc. etc. I absolutely love the idea of three older children but frankly I’m not sure our marriage could survive the younger years. And we have a good marriage.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 20:11
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
I considered three and stopped at two.
I just know too many people that had kids with issues. My two (so far at eight and five now) are neurotypical and I did not want to push the envelope.
More than that though was other things. My husband is very introverted and even the chaos of two kids takes a lot out of him. I have two boys and they’re best friends and the dynamic would be different with a third regardless of gender.
Based on a number of reasons we basically have one functional grandparent (not local). Pretty much everyone I know with three or more children has significant local family help. That is not the case for us.
Life as a family of four now that the kids are out of babyhood is pretty awesome.
I just know too many people that had kids with issues. My two (so far at eight and five now) are neurotypical and I did not want to push the envelope.
More than that though was other things. My husband is very introverted and even the chaos of two kids takes a lot out of him. I have two boys and they’re best friends and the dynamic would be different with a third regardless of gender.
Based on a number of reasons we basically have one functional grandparent (not local). Pretty much everyone I know with three or more children has significant local family help. That is not the case for us.
Life as a family of four now that the kids are out of babyhood is pretty awesome.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 20:07
Subject: Re:For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
We stopped at 2. I come from a large family so was open to a third and my husband discovered he loved being a dad so was also open to more kids.
We talked about it a lot and each spent time thinking about it and both decided that our family was done. There was no guarantee of a baby at our ages and we didn’t want to go down the path of fertility treatments. A third kid would mean a lifestyle change (a bigger home, car, probably move to outer suburbs). We like the little foursome we have and are happy and have no regrets.
We talked about it a lot and each spent time thinking about it and both decided that our family was done. There was no guarantee of a baby at our ages and we didn’t want to go down the path of fertility treatments. A third kid would mean a lifestyle change (a bigger home, car, probably move to outer suburbs). We like the little foursome we have and are happy and have no regrets.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 19:59
Subject: Re:For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:We had the third. The main reason I wanted a third was because my mom kept saying that my (now) middle child is just like me. Well, I don't get along that great with my mom. We're not estranged or anything, she just really gets on my nerves, which limits the amount of time we spend together. I could not possibly live near her, and I will be forever grateful to my brother because he can. If my (now) middle child continues to be just like me and wants a more distant relationship with me as an adult, then it would be sad to have only one other child. Of course, you get what you get, but in my case, it worked out great. The youngest is a sweet family-loving dear, and the oldest continues to be easy-going and respectful. My (now) middle child is definitely the most challenging, but I feel that I can accept the challenges a little more gracefully than I would if I only had two children.
THIS! I feel the same way. Almost like I want to have a bond with more than one child, but often times there is one child that may be more distant or difficult. Also, having 3 gives you more of a chance to have different personalities in the mix.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 19:39
Subject: Re:For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
We had the third. The main reason I wanted a third was because my mom kept saying that my (now) middle child is just like me. Well, I don't get along that great with my mom. We're not estranged or anything, she just really gets on my nerves, which limits the amount of time we spend together. I could not possibly live near her, and I will be forever grateful to my brother because he can. If my (now) middle child continues to be just like me and wants a more distant relationship with me as an adult, then it would be sad to have only one other child. Of course, you get what you get, but in my case, it worked out great. The youngest is a sweet family-loving dear, and the oldest continues to be easy-going and respectful. My (now) middle child is definitely the most challenging, but I feel that I can accept the challenges a little more gracefully than I would if I only had two children.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 19:19
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
We had the third. Of course life was easier with 2. No regrets as easiest wasn’t what we were going for or else we wouldn’t have had any kids.
We wanted to get to raise another child, to give our children another sibling, to enjoy another personality in the mix.
It’s expensive, there is very little rest, and having my kids is totally worth it. YMMV.
We wanted to get to raise another child, to give our children another sibling, to enjoy another personality in the mix.
It’s expensive, there is very little rest, and having my kids is totally worth it. YMMV.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 18:58
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
Dear Op,
You will have to figure this one out for yourself. Not saying this meanly but, you have to figure out your finances and whether you have the emotional energy and time to raise three or four or whatever. Each family is different although there are only four types of responses you will get:
Here they are:
Stopped at two: regret it..thriving!
stopped at two: don't regret it...thriving!
Or
Went for three..regret it.
Went for three...thriving in our chaos!
Some will say go for it and others will say stop. What does your spouse want?
Yeah, I know its our choice in the end. But its nice hearing from others about there experiences and maybe reasoning we hadn't thought of before. I know the dynamic is very different.
In the end we all make choices and then have to live with them. To me, it doesn't make sense to poll anyone but, my spouse and me because we are the ones raising the kids. Did you ask others when you went for your first or second? Treat it the same.
The OP asked for other's experiences, not for other's to decide if he/she should have another kid. Sometimes humans just need to hear perspectives and stories from other humans who have had similar experiences and struggles. That is what makes this forum so cool. We figure out we are not alone
Anonymous
04/24/2019 18:09
Subject: Re:For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
we have 3 - the baby is 10 months now. Yes life would have been easier with 2. But we make it work. The baby is very cute . I love the baby stage (the baby is walking big time so basically out of it already) but I also want 3 adult children. That was the key for us to move forward.
. I love the baby stage (the baby is walking big time so basically out of it already) but I also want 3 adult children. That was the key for us to move forward.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 18:05
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
Dear Op,
You will have to figure this one out for yourself. Not saying this meanly but, you have to figure out your finances and whether you have the emotional energy and time to raise three or four or whatever. Each family is different although there are only four types of responses you will get:
Here they are:
Stopped at two: regret it..thriving!
stopped at two: don't regret it...thriving!
Or
Went for three..regret it.
Went for three...thriving in our chaos!
Some will say go for it and others will say stop. What does your spouse want?
Yeah, I know its our choice in the end. But its nice hearing from others about there experiences and maybe reasoning we hadn't thought of before. I know the dynamic is very different.
In the end we all make choices and then have to live with them. To me, it doesn't make sense to poll anyone but, my spouse and me because we are the ones raising the kids. Did you ask others when you went for your first or second? Treat it the same.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 18:05
Subject: Re:For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
I wanted 3 or 4 but my husband only wanted 2 so we stopped at 2. I still wish we were on the same page and could have more but I know that this was the right decision for our family and our marriage because my husband would be less happy, more stressed, etc if we had more kids so I don’t regret it but I’m not totally happy about it either.
My issue is not feeling sadness about it and not being upset with my husband over it. He’s a great dad and a great partner so I respect that.
Also now I don’t have to feel as guilty about the environmental impact of bringing kids into the world as I probably would if we had more than 2 kids
My issue is not feeling sadness about it and not being upset with my husband over it. He’s a great dad and a great partner so I respect that.
Also now I don’t have to feel as guilty about the environmental impact of bringing kids into the world as I probably would if we had more than 2 kids
Anonymous
04/24/2019 17:50
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
Dear Op,
You will have to figure this one out for yourself. Not saying this meanly but, you have to figure out your finances and whether you have the emotional energy and time to raise three or four or whatever. Each family is different although there are only four types of responses you will get:
Here they are:
Stopped at two: regret it..thriving!
stopped at two: don't regret it...thriving!
Or
Went for three..regret it.
Went for three...thriving in our chaos!
Some will say go for it and others will say stop. What does your spouse want?
Yeah, I know its our choice in the end. But its nice hearing from others about there experiences and maybe reasoning we hadn't thought of before. I know the dynamic is very different.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 17:37
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
Anonymous wrote:What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
Dear Op,
You will have to figure this one out for yourself. Not saying this meanly but, you have to figure out your finances and whether you have the emotional energy and time to raise three or four or whatever. Each family is different although there are only four types of responses you will get:
Here they are:
Stopped at two: regret it..thriving!
stopped at two: don't regret it...thriving!
Or
Went for three..regret it.
Went for three...thriving in our chaos!
Some will say go for it and others will say stop. What does your spouse want?
Anonymous
04/24/2019 17:36
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
I didn't want ANY. DH wanted 3 or 4. When we got the second I told DH if he really wanted a third he'd have to make it with somebody else. I absolutely do NOT regret stopping at 2.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 17:32
Subject: For those who decided to stop at 2 children who were considering a 3rd and vice versa...
What was your reasoning for stopping at 2 and do you regret it?
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.
If you had a 3rd, do think life would have been easier with 2? Obviously, you don't regret your 3rd kiddo
Just trying to figure out spacing if we decide to stop at 2 or go for 3.