I have a very high maintenance only child (we couldn't have anymore due to secondary infertility). My daughter just turned 5 and in Pre-K. She will rarely play by herself, constantly complains of being bored, and always wants to play with a friend or parent. She has an amazing playroom full of toys, but unless one of us is sitting in there with her she won't play. She also wants to be wherever we are all the time. It's tough because we don't have any local family and our neighborhood doesn't have many kids, but she is in full-day preschool (9-3) and then she is in a lot of extra-curriculars to give her the extra social time she wants. We also try to do a playdate at least once a week, but it's hard because I'm always the one arranging them and right now play dates are not drop off yet.

I work during preschool hours so in the evenings/on weekends I do have things to do around the house. I usually try to play a couple boardgames for 30 min. to 45 min. and then tell her I have to start the laundry and do my own chores for another 30 min. then back to the playroom to play dolls for a few minutes, then I go do dishes, etc. This seems to work pretty well. I will say that she probably watches more TV than other kids because of her unwillingness to play independently and when my husband and I have these to get done around the house.

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you're old and gray. Wonder if he'll have the patience and energy for you and your needs.

Stop it. It's not healthy for a child to be dependent on his parent for entertainment and interaction the entire day. Does the name Norman Bates ring a bell?

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you're old and gray. Wonder if he'll have the patience and energy for you and your needs.

When I'm old and gray and he has no patience and energy for me, there are places to put me. I'd love to live with my kids when older, but I also know they have lives to run and won't have time for me. If they need to put me in a place where I'm cared for others, then so be it. But thanks for the helpful response.

You have inadvertently setup this scenario because he is an only. I am not being snarky, it's simple math. You and you DH have always made him the center of everything. If you had more children, you simply couldn't devote as much time to him. My kids are grown, but I am amazed at how BUSY parents keep their kids now. Between school, aftercare and weekend sports, and family activities, kids aren't used to creative playing. So, what to do? Make a Saturday/Sunday schedule when you are willing to play a game and when he has to entertain himself. When the "I'm bored" statement comes up, he gets a chore.

Wait until you're old and gray. Wonder if he'll have the patience and energy for you and your needs.

Thanks all. He's in two sports. I do my best to set up play dates every weekend. We do go to the library, and he does do crafts. It's just, for most of these, he wants me there WITH him doing these crafts, etc. He's a wonderful kid, I just somehow was born missing an engagement bone or something. Thanks all.

PPs suggestions were good, and maybe get a fun pet. But if he's 9, he will soon outgrow this so maybe enjoy it while you can? You might have a withdrawn, sullen teen before you know it

Set up play dates, maybe start a sport or instrument. Take him to the library. Teach him to help you around the house. Show him how to sew, do crafts. Get him a kids cook book. He sounds like he is bored and like he also needs a little help finding activities that can be fulfilling for him. If he could have some friends his age that would help with the playtime and more activities would give him some skills to find constructive outlets for his energy.

It’s hard, but a little investment in his development now will save you years down the road of therapy bills when he’s living in your basement addicted to video games. Trust me you don’t want to be dealing with an adult child without life skills.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you should feel a bit guilty. Your child is in school all day. You can play for a little bit after school and then tell the child you want some you time so give you an hour alone. I thought you were talking about a preschooler. Your child is old enough where you can say go play by yourself.

My issue isn't the weeknights, between when I get off work and pick him up and dinner and homework and such, this is not much of an issue on the weekdays, I give him my attention from 6-8:30 then I have alone time. It's more of an issue on the weekends. He's up at 7 at the latest. Sometimes he plays alone, but then wakes me up and anticipates my full attention for the whole day.

Honestly, you should feel a bit guilty. Your child is in school all day. You can play for a little bit after school and then tell the child you want some you time so give you an hour alone. I thought you were talking about a preschooler. Your child is old enough where you can say go play by yourself.

I have an only who is 6. I think in your case you need to set boundaries. he is perfectly capable of playing by himself but chooses not to and you feel guilty ( as do I sometimes) because he is an only and has no one to play with.
Tell him he needs to play by himself without screens while you do X. If he can do that then you will play with him for 30 mins until you need to do Y.
X can be folding laundry, making dinner, or reading the paper. If he cannot amuse himself without you then send him to to room for the duration. Do not give in to the screens, you are taking away his ability to think and play by himself by doing this, altho it is easier in the short term.
I personally like doing outdoorsy stuff with mine, but hate imaginative play, So we do a lot of hikes, dog walks, bike rides when its just the 2 of us.
Bu then I wanted to sit and read the Sunday paper yesterday she went out on the deck and played with her sand and other toys and pretended she was making soup with grass and other stuff mixed in a bowl....she played like this for almost 45 mins.

My kids are the same so I can relate. What I do is give them several minutes of concentrated, non-distracted attention throughout the day. Like 20-30 minutes where I really try to fully engage during that time on whatever they are interested in. Then I feel less guilty about saying, "not now, I'm working on something" during the other times of the day. I find they get needier if I'm only half listening all the time. I also try to find things that are interesting to everyone. For example, we love hiking or just long walks in the neighborhood. I get some exercise and they can just talk my ear of the whole time and everyone is happy. Also, try to establish times of the day where it is a quiet time. Then you can recharge.

Anonymous wrote:Age of child is important.....

Sorry, 9.

Age of child is important.....

My DS is an only child, and he's very high maintenance in that he needs us all of the time. He seeks our approval, he must sit with us at all times except if he's watching TV. If he draws something, I need to see it, if he creates a game, I must see its development then play it with him, etc. I know to be a good parent I should engage, and I do my very best, but I've also been SO tired and mentally stretched thin that most of the time I placate for a little and then either play video games with him or watch TV because it's a way to engage with him while still not exerting energy. I neither have the patience nor the energy to do that's right and it's making me feel all kinds of guilty. The days are long but the years are short as they say, and he's only this young for now. How do you do it? How do you force yourself to play Hot Wheel war for hours?