I agree with all of this. I have a hard time talking about my dad with my daughter because it makes me too sad. I feel overwhelmed. So I haven’t talked about him as much as I intended to. But I do have pictures of him in the apartment, and she will point to the pictures or bring them to me and identify him as “your daddy.” Even that makes me cry. I’m just not ready to talk about him, but I’m glad she can at least identify him in pictures and is so comfortable talking about my dad. She’s 2.

Anonymous wrote:I also talked about it often from the start. It’s important that my kids know about my mom. I’d do so casually - “Do you know who else used to love singing wheels on the bus? My mom Nana. She died before she was born, but when I was a little girl, we would always... I really wish you could meet her. She would love you very much!!”.

It’s really hard OP, especially when the loss is fresh and you’re a new mom. My kids are late elementary now and I take comfort in the fact they at least have some mental picture of the great woman she was!

Lovely

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP.

My father passed with my daughter was just under two. Her other grandfather died before I met her dad. We talk about them as if they’re in our lives as it comes up naturally. And we didn’t really talk about the death piece until she asked where her grandparents were (she has two living grandmothers).

She’s three now and has more questions. I try to answer them openly without spinning fantasy or being scary. It’s painful to talk about my dad still so I try to ask her more questions and if we do something he liked or use something that belongs to any of our elders I make note of it. We look at pictures sometimes too. I’m not sure how much she’s getting now, but trying to lay a foundation and be in habit of mentioning them all often. My own grandmother was one of my closest companions, so we talk about her a bunch, using her own grandmother for context. It gets easier even with all the questions. The book The Invisible String is a good one.

WHEN she was just under two, not with...sorry, typos

I’m so sorry, OP.

My father passed with my daughter was just under two. Her other grandfather died before I met her dad. We talk about them as if they’re in our lives as it comes up naturally. And we didn’t really talk about the death piece until she asked where her grandparents were (she has two living grandmothers).

She’s three now and has more questions. I try to answer them openly without spinning fantasy or being scary. It’s painful to talk about my dad still so I try to ask her more questions and if we do something he liked or use something that belongs to any of our elders I make note of it. We look at pictures sometimes too. I’m not sure how much she’s getting now, but trying to lay a foundation and be in habit of mentioning them all often. My own grandmother was one of my closest companions, so we talk about her a bunch, using her own grandmother for context. It gets easier even with all the questions. The book The Invisible String is a good one.

OP here. Thank you all for your input. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought or at least everyone is more or less on the same page.

I don’t think it is a “sit down and talk” conversation. I think it is just an on going thing, showing photos and telling stories.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. But it likely won’t have as much of an effect on your son. You’re sad, but don’t be surprised if he isn’t. And that’s ok.

OP, my brother died two days before my daughter was born. She's known since day one that she has an angel uncle who loves her. Yes, she's seen me tear up when talking about it, but overall she thinks it's pretty cool that someone else loves her. So I think you can tell your child about it even if you are sad and they will not think it's sad. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss, OP. We lost DH's mother and my last two grandparents within a year of DD's birth. Family photos are in the house, so it comes up "There's Daddy, there's Mommy. There's Uncle Bob. There's Grandma Jane."

PP has great suggestions for how you weave the mentioning of your mother into daily life. It would probably be unfair for your child to put a heavy burden of sadness and loss on them, and they likely won't feel that same sadness since they didn't know her. But you can share the happy memories.

I also talked about it often from the start. It’s important that my kids know about my mom. I’d do so casually - “Do you know who else used to love singing wheels on the bus? My mom Nana. She died before she was born, but when I was a little girl, we would always... I really wish you could meet her. She would love you very much!!”.

It’s really hard OP, especially when the loss is fresh and you’re a new mom. My kids are late elementary now and I take comfort in the fact they at least have some mental picture of the great woman she was!

I"m sorry for your loss.
My grandmother died the year prior to my first kid being born. I'm sure she would have enjoyed seeing her. My wife's maternal grandparents lived into their 90s and got to know my oldest pretty well, it was a unique time. We have a painting my grandmom did, a piano from my great-grandmother, things around that kind of fit in and I can tell them about them.
Life is in some ways like carrying a candle down a dimly lit hall. We can only see the generation or two behind us, and the generation or two in front of us (and maybe not even that...) but that's about the extent of it. One day you might be a picture in an album, but in a digital age, you're more likely to have less printed pictures of you than your own great grandmother. When the backup battery goes, so do you. Yikes!

Both of my grandfathers died long before I was born. My parents had photos in the house and my mom regularly told stories about her dad. It just came up naturally over time. My dad was only 3 when his father died so he didn't have any stories to share but we did have one photo. My grandma never talked about him, mom my later mentioned that it was just too painful for her.

I am so sorry for your loss, OP. I think you should talk about your mother with your child as they grow. Show pictures, talk about memories, etc. My DD 3 is named after her grandmother who passed away before she was born and I talk about her often. My DD likes to hear old stories.

They won't be nearly as sad as you think. As they grow older they'll recognize it's something that makes you sad and they'll acknowledge that loss (or say things like they wished they knew so-and-so) but it's a lot more matter-of-fact and won't be nearly the grief that you feel.

Talk about your mom whenever you want to. My kids love hearing stories about my parents and also love to hear stories about me as a kid going through the same things they are (like getting in trouble). I show mine pictures and tell anecdotes, and try to make them real for my kids.

My kids are 8 and 10 and sadly only have one living grandparent.

I always talked about it. It sounds like your child is only about a year old so I don’t know that he will understand much but it is just something I talked about from the beginning.

My mother unexpectedly passed away a few months before my first child was conceived. It's been two years and I'm still grieving in part because having a child of my own stirs so much of that emotion. Of course, I grew up knowing that my mother loved without question, but now I am on the other side of that parental bond. Its very hard for me to separate the emotion of say holding a sleeping child or watching him take his first steps or seeing the biggest smile on his face when he is totally drenched in tomato from my feelings of loss. My parents divorced and remarried other people when I was very young (5-7), so my child has 5 living grandparents, but for various reasons I don't feel like I can really talk with anyone of them about this.

Anyway, now I just really want my kid to know that his grandmother would have been hopelessly in love with him, but it just seems so like it could only make him sad and contemplate the unfortunate truth of death. On the other hand, I just feel like if I don't bring it up, he won't know and it somehow seems like dishonoring my mother's memory. I have years to figure this out, but mom was born in April and so I guess this is on my mind now.