My best friend amd her wife are both mom.

Why is mommy more feminine than mamma? I don't think that is a given.

Nobody is Mum?

There are several official titles:

Biological- Mommy
Non Bio- Mama, Ma, Mummy
Lesbian but equal- Mom
Lesbian but unequal- Moo-Moo

The titles change based on the social hierarchies of the household, as well as the gender roles being fulfilled by certain parental figures. As the roles change the titles may change, stay the same, or re-invent themselves.

My butchy wife is Mommy and I'm Mama, fem birth mom.

In our house non-bio mother is Mom and bio mother is Mommy. But now that we have teens, we are both Mooooooom (with eye rolling) (we are both feminine.)

I let DW (non-bio) choose want she wanted to be called and then we went from there. DW definitely wanted to be Mom and I never felt like a Mama so I went by Mommy until the kids changed it up.

15y into parenting with DW and what the kids call is is the least of our issues!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many lesbian friends with kids and it seems that the birth mom is always mommy and the other mama. Or the more feminine mommy if adopted. Why is that? I’ve encountered it so many times that it seems extremely unlikely to be chance.

First there was mansplaining.
And now we have straightsplaining. You saw it here, folks.

Anonymous wrote:I have many lesbian friends with kids and it seems that the birth mom is always mommy and the other mama. Or the more feminine mommy if adopted. Why is that? I’ve encountered it so many times that it seems extremely unlikely to be chance.

First there was mansplaining.
And now we have straightsplaining. You saw it here, folks.

Bio "mommy" here; my wife is "mama". That's because she's not American, and "mama" is a more natural form for her culturally. It just worked out. I don't think there's necessarily reasoning behind it.

Anonymous wrote:I have many lesbian friends with kids and it seems that the birth mom is always mommy and the other mama. Or the more feminine mommy if adopted. Why is that? I’ve encountered it so many times that it seems extremely unlikely to be chance.

Wow, so you’ve met SO MANY lesbian couples that you think it just couldn’t be chance that the ones you met happen to be bio mommy/other mama combinations. That makes sense since there are only, like, 30 lesbian mom families in the entire US.

In our family, bio/birth mom is mommy and non-bio mom is mama. She had a strong preference to be mama, I didn't mind either. Neither of us is more or less feminine than the other though. Have a few friends that use the same mommy /mama and a few that use totally different names.

My DW is mommy (bio and birth mom) and I’m Mama. We chose what we each call our own mom and it worked out well.

We must not be friends, OP. I’m the birth mother and chose to be mama. My wife is mommy.

Kids are both teenagers now. When we’re in public, we’re both mom, but at home we still have the distinctive names.

DD is adopted but I wanted to be Mommy and my wife by default is Mama.

I did not change my name when we got married and DD has DW's last name, She felt more strongly about this than I did, Her parents live close and mine are in another country so it was nice for local family for her to share their name. So when I wanted to be Mommy and felt strongly about it, thats what happened. Its give and take.

I've noticed the opposite trend - birth mother being mama.

I have many lesbian friends with kids and it seems that the birth mom is always mommy and the other mama. Or the more feminine mommy if adopted. Why is that? I’ve encountered it so many times that it seems extremely unlikely to be chance.