Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 09:43     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my daughters know you can’t have it all. I feel a little lied to. Growing up teachers said we could choose our own fields and that women could be any profession they wanted to be. Except so many work very long hours and don’t have maternity leave. I’m an engineer who has taken two unpaid maternity leaves which did impact my career. My friends who are teachers or nurses were easily able to take off and have maternity leave and then go back to work. Some careers even let you take 2-3 years off and then it’s easy to get a job again.

I think that until we live in a society where men are forced to take paternity leave (4 weeks and then 4 when mom goes back to work) things aren’t going to be equal.



Yeah, this. I'm a lawyer. I wish I had considered how family-unfriendly this profession is. It will never be until we get away from the billable hour. I did struggle through my kids' early years and I also looked longingly at my friends who were teachers and nurses. I also looked longingly at my doctor friends because they seemed to have it better than me!

I wouldn't discourage my kids from a career if that was their true passion but I would let them know the realities. That goes for both my son and daughter. If they wanted families I'd urge them to take work-life balance into consideration or just careers where the culture isn't so narrow-minded in terms of how you must move up the ladder.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 09:34     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Anonymous wrote:I discourage both my kids (boy and girl) from going to law school. Because I’m a lawyer and don’t think anyone should go to law school!


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 09:34     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Anonymous wrote:Lol, no. These sound like mothers from small towns where their self worth is wrapped up in their marriage and procreating.

Luckily, I'm from NY. My girls should do whatever makes them happy. I have three, and only one definitely wants kids. That's fine by me, as long as they're happy.


Hilarious!
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 09:31     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
I discourage both my kids (boy and girl) from going to law school. Because I’m a lawyer and don’t think anyone should go to law school!
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 07:10     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
I will make sure my daughters know you can’t have it all. I feel a little lied to. Growing up teachers said we could choose our own fields and that women could be any profession they wanted to be. Except so many work very long hours and don’t have maternity leave. I’m an engineer who has taken two unpaid maternity leaves which did impact my career. My friends who are teachers or nurses were easily able to take off and have maternity leave and then go back to work. Some careers even let you take 2-3 years off and then it’s easy to get a job again.

I think that until we live in a society where men are forced to take paternity leave (4 weeks and then 4 when mom goes back to work) things aren’t going to be equal.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 07:07     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
No I will not. I'm telling them realities of choices. But I will also help as much as I can. Make sure they have nine or as little school debt as possible, help with childcare etc. my parents did that for me and it's the only reason I'm having a second child and a busy job. We all know it but we are al ok with it and are looking after our family for the long run.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 07:04     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Anonymous wrote:I specifically discourage becoming an MD/DO, because for most women it's statistically not a good choice financially (let alone otherwise). Female doctors flock to lower-paid specialties compatible with having a life, and don't work enough hours to justify the tuition and forgone salary of med school + residency.


Boy - you’re really an idiot. Way to squash your DD’s dreams. I hope that she has the sense to not listen to you.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 07:02     Subject: Re:Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Nope, my DD is a badass at a top university doing well and aiming for an MD PhD.
This is what happens when you don’t help with homework.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 01:56     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
No. I don’t and won’t “pressure” my daughters toward any field. I can’t imagine my mother ever doing that to me, and I would t do it to my kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 00:49     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Anonymous wrote:I specifically discourage becoming an MD/DO, because for most women it's statistically not a good choice financially (let alone otherwise). Female doctors flock to lower-paid specialties compatible with having a life, and don't work enough hours to justify the tuition and forgone salary of med school + residency.


Also, doctors are bad at math.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2019 00:47     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
I specifically discourage becoming an MD/DO, because for most women it's statistically not a good choice financially (let alone otherwise). Female doctors flock to lower-paid specialties compatible with having a life, and don't work enough hours to justify the tuition and forgone salary of med school + residency.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2019 23:48     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
Lol, no. These sound like mothers from small towns where their self worth is wrapped up in their marriage and procreating.

Luckily, I'm from NY. My girls should do whatever makes them happy. I have three, and only one definitely wants kids. That's fine by me, as long as they're happy.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2019 23:44     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
I'm almost 40 and would have chosen a different career if I'd known I wanted kids. I plan to let my daughter know that she can do anything she wants, but nobody can do everything and in my opinion it's important to have time for to have relationships and hobbies.

I see some generational trends, in that I and many of my peers were first in our families to get 4 year degrees, professional careers, etc. Our blue collar parents emphasized achievement. But having achieved white collar lifestyles, we want our kids to emphasize family and avoid stress. It may backfire if they're unable to achieve the same material comforts we have ...
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2019 23:19     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....

I regretted choosing an intense field with little flexibility when my first child was born with special needs, and I had to leave my career to stay with him for his therapies and care. I effectively killed my prospects in that field.

So I have made a point of telling BOTH my son and daughter that there is a risk to everything in life, and that of course they need to follow their passion, but have an eye to work-life balance as well.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2019 22:39     Subject: Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....
From intense careers. I'm in twenties and realize alot of my friends feel pressure from parents to consider childbearing when deciding on a career, even if they do not have children or a boyfriend. It leads to my friends not pursuing higher paying fields. For example, my friends in med school say their moms are worried about their careers and future marriages/ children if they pursue surgery. This makes them want to lean towards lesser paying, family friendly specialties... I don't think these parents would pressure their sons in the same way.