Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

This to me is the key.

Which spouse isn’t willing to find a workable solution? The one working in the problem area, or the one who isn’t?

I will posit that both of the scenarios put forward in the OP are workable. Working in the medical field doesn’t actually expose you to more “things”, if you have proper infection control in place. Allergens are easily eliminated by removing clothing and washing clothes and person at the end of the day.

I would also wonder if the “other spouse” does not have a level of anxiety that needs to be addressed.

I work in hazardous materials management. I’ve been knee (or higher) deep in all kinds of stuff that people can’t imagine. I’ve never once felt scared to come home to my family, because I understand PPE, hygiene, and risk. I imagine anyone, from working in a biohaz lab, to working in a perfume factory with a smell sensitive spouse, can find a realistic workaround.

+1

If the spouse with the medical condition is insisting on an unnecessary sacrifice, that's on them. I can't imagine a career that exposes you to something that you can't deal with. If your spouse is immunosuppressed, you can keep teaching. If they are allergic to dogs, you can be a vet. You can make adjustments and accommodations, but giving up a career you enjoy should be close to a last resort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

This to me is the key.

Which spouse isn’t willing to find a workable solution? The one working in the problem area, or the one who isn’t?

I will posit that both of the scenarios put forward in the OP are workable. Working in the medical field doesn’t actually expose you to more “things”, if you have proper infection control in place. Allergens are easily eliminated by removing clothing and washing clothes and person at the end of the day.

I would also wonder if the “other spouse” does not have a level of anxiety that needs to be addressed.

I work in hazardous materials management. I’ve been knee (or higher) deep in all kinds of stuff that people can’t imagine. I’ve never once felt scared to come home to my family, because I understand PPE, hygiene, and risk. I imagine anyone, from working in a biohaz lab, to working in a perfume factory with a smell sensitive spouse, can find a realistic workaround.

How easy is it for me to change to a different career that I might enjoy that still pays the same? How will we afford health insurance and our bills if the person with the medical condition can’t work one day because of that condition and I’ve had to start over in a new career that doesn’t pay as much?

If it’s easy for me to make the changes and financially and health insurance wise we aren’t going backwards, I would do so. People take jobs or stay in jobs all the time for the better of the family over the individual - like maybe the dream job is 100% travel and that doesn’t work for our family so I either don’t pursue it or find something else when we have kids. But when you have to change jobs and there is a family trade off - like I can move to not traveling but we cut our income in half - then we have to ask is that the best solution for the family? Is there something else we can change to solve the problem or what sacrifices does the other person also have to make so we don’t end up worse off and unable to pay our bills. Maybe that means a move to a lower cost of living area or we rent and don’t buy our own house. That’s when we have to find a compromise or some sort.

I’d rather give up my career than my spouse. I took leave when he had chemo. One reason was that I was bringing home every bug my NS students spread. If he was permanently compromised, I’d find a new job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

That's the real issue. I wouldn't give up the security of my career if someone couldn't be flexible and I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't be flexible if I was ill

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

She's going to have to get along as best she can in the plastic bubble in the basement.

Divorce him.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

Is this a hypothetical where you actually have to give up your career? Then I’d give up my career. Or is it real life, where we can come up with ways to mitigate the risks or other alternatives to make it work?

If I knew before I married them, I would not have married them. If they developed the condition afterwards, I would find another way to do my job or change careers. I work in consulting and I’ve worked in many geographical areas and many industries. I’ve had more first days at a new job when I meet a new client than most people will have new jobs in a lifetime. I like my job, but I’ve done a lot of roles in a lot of different environment and so I would not find it hard to adapt to something new for the sake of my spouse. I would also move for my spouse since my career is more flexible than my husband’s.

I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

Anonymous wrote:Do i like my career?

Yes.

Do i like my career?

Not to take care of them, but because your job would put them at risk. For example, if they had a compromised immune system and you worked in the medical field and brought germs home, or if they were severely allergic to dogs and you were a vet, and things like showering or leaving clothes at work wouldn't help.