Anonymous wrote:There is a mental health issue but we can get child to therapy despite bribes, taking things away etc. does not care. I’m more asking how the parent copes? I’m having a hard time despite my own therapy, and antidepressants. I feel so alone and sad all the time, the fighting wears me down, the worry is excruciating.

I feel this way too OP. I cry, take hot showers, read in my room to clear my brain until I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. Then I say a prayer for him and go to sleep. It's a rough road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP you inspire me! My son is so difficult and my current method of coping (drinking! Stress eating! Working late!) is not good.

Did you make changes gradually or all at once? Maybe your advice will help OP too?

Thank you. Trust me, eating and drinking wine were also coping mechanisms. And I always volunteered to drive carpool to get me out. My art was the productive escape.

At some point I realized just how bad shape I was in and that I needed to fix me. Other than enjoying my hobby, I was hating my life and really, besides my sons mental illness, I do have a great life. So I made a concsious decision to fix myself. I did one of those six week physical fitness challenges and built on it.

But recently during what was, for me, a really stressful time in our family (due to my son but not because things were falling apart - there are just so many challenges when you have a child with mental illness) I gained probably 10 pounds in two months. It’s all a process.

Not the OP, but thanks from me too. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I'll try to spend less time obsession about my child and more dealing with my own unhealthy behaviors.

I have participated in several support groups. One was specifically for parents of special ed kids. Another was for parents of teens through our church. Both have been life-savers-- you get support, ideas and at least feel like you are not alone or crazy.

So try to find a support group for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:PP you inspire me! My son is so difficult and my current method of coping (drinking! Stress eating! Working late!) is not good.

Did you make changes gradually or all at once? Maybe your advice will help OP too?

Thank you. Trust me, eating and drinking wine were also coping mechanisms. And I always volunteered to drive carpool to get me out. My art was the productive escape.

At some point I realized just how bad shape I was in and that I needed to fix me. Other than enjoying my hobby, I was hating my life and really, besides my sons mental illness, I do have a great life. So I made a concsious decision to fix myself. I did one of those six week physical fitness challenges and built on it.

But recently during what was, for me, a really stressful time in our family (due to my son but not because things were falling apart - there are just so many challenges when you have a child with mental illness) I gained probably 10 pounds in two months. It’s all a process.

Anonymous wrote:There is a mental health issue but we can get child to therapy despite bribes, taking things away etc. does not care. I’m more asking how the parent copes? I’m having a hard time despite my own therapy, and antidepressants. I feel so alone and sad all the time, the fighting wears me down, the worry is excruciating.

if this helps at all - my good friend dealt with some very serious mental health issues with her DD all throughout her pre-teen and teen years. this included 911 calls, trips to the hospital, school refusal, threatening suicide, A LOT of intensive therapy, etc. It was a very tough time for the whole family, a time they never thought they'd make it through.

Things are very different for them today. Their DD found her passion, and is thriving. She's happy (most of the time), independent, has friends and most importantly sees a bright future for herself.

Not sure if you found this helpful.

PP you inspire me! My son is so difficult and my current method of coping (drinking! Stress eating! Working late!) is not good.

Did you make changes gradually or all at once? Maybe your advice will help OP too?

Before I sent mine to residential treatment, I spent a lot of time making sure everyone was safe and a lot of time avoiding my son. I have a hobby that I enjoy and I was unbelievably Productive. It was a great escape. I also took time off work to take art classes - I hadn’t done this before because the classes were so expensive. But I needed it and Lord knows I wasn’t taking my son on a vacation so I had to use my leave somehow.

Another thing I did was take up weight lifting and I worked hard on developing healthy eating habits for me. I started going to the gym at 5:30 am and put in a good workout before I had to face the day.

I got a house cleaner for every other week so I could get rid of that stressor.

Last thing I did was focus on getting toxicity out of my life. That included eating and emotional - I didn’t go so far as to change my cleaning products and hygiene products. And, Obviously I couldn’t get rid of my son, but I could change how I reacted to him.

Good luck OP. I hope things get better for you.

How old is your child?

NAMI support group
Al anon is very helpful whether or not there is an alcohol issue.

Can’t get

There is a mental health issue but we can get child to therapy despite bribes, taking things away etc. does not care. I’m more asking how the parent copes? I’m having a hard time despite my own therapy, and antidepressants. I feel so alone and sad all the time, the fighting wears me down, the worry is excruciating.

You need to give examples. And be open to the fact that there might be a mental health issue that needs to be addressed like depression or anxiety

We all have different opinions of difficult. Examples and context may get better advice.

Need details...context...or else can't offer my opinion.

Thanks