One parent lived about 1500 miles from the one I lived with growing up. I'd fly for a weekend visit every 1-2 months and I'd spend a good chunk of the summer with the parent I didn't live with. I also spent either Spring Break or Winter Break there too each year. I know it's not possible for everyone for many reasons, but I really liked the arrangement.

My child's father lives 250ish miles away. They see each other every other weekend (sometimes the kid flies to see dad, most of the time dad comes to our city and kid/dad go to grandma's house nearby for the weekend), alternating school breaks, and a good chunk of summer.

You're not unreasonable, but there's only so much you can do, right? He sounds unreliable, and you're not going to change that by being reasonable (you couldn't do that while you were married, I'm sure ...)

What I would do is not wait for him. Just inform him of the weeks that you have vacation plans, and wait for him to decide. If he picks a week that doesn't work, that's on him. If you and your kids have variable commitments that could crop up (sports, etc) keep him informed. Let him know ahead of time that if he picks a week on short notice that doesn't work, it's on him to reschedule.

If/when the kids are big enough to travel to him, I'd just inform him (not ask): "The kids will spend Spring Break with you from April 10-April 17." Again, on him if he doesn't then adjust his schedule.

My stepdaughter moved to Arizona almost 2 years ago. She flies here for winter break (one week), spring break, and all summer. For winter break she has 2 weeks off and her parents are alternating years on who gets the week of Christmas with her. She is 15 now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My coworker does international custody arrangement bewteeen here and New Zealand. They exchange kids over Christmas break.

So the kids only switch once a year? Or they see the NCP for just winter break?

Yes. I believe with the seasonal switch its summer there when they do the switch off.

Anonymous wrote:In the interest of planning ahead, I’ve asked my children’s father for a tentative visitation schedule for school year 2019-2020. He said he can’t provide one because he has no idea when he’ll be able to visit. He makes a comfortable salary and has a good amount of PTO. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to at least get a picture of the year ahead?

How far away? Utah is different from NZ.

This is a good think to mediate.

Anonymous wrote:My coworker does international custody arrangement bewteeen here and New Zealand. They exchange kids over Christmas break.

So the kids only switch once a year? Or they see the NCP for just winter break?

I think a year is a long time. I think it's fair of you to provide your child's schedule to her father so that he can plan around it. I also think it's fair to say it's not a good time if your family has things going on - but not just because it's short notice. Because, really, do you know what you are doing next St. Patrick's Day? And, I think you have to work on being flexible if he is spending a lot of time and money to make the visit happen.

My coworker does international custody arrangement bewteeen here and New Zealand. They exchange kids over Christmas break.

how old is child?

Why can't child go there?

I would tell him that plane tickets are expensive and if you are sharing them, then you want to buy early or he needs to pay. I'd send him the school calendar and tell him these are the school dates of long weekends and holidays and please make plane tickets.

In the interest of planning ahead, I’ve asked my children’s father for a tentative visitation schedule for school year 2019-2020. He said he can’t provide one because he has no idea when he’ll be able to visit. He makes a comfortable salary and has a good amount of PTO. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to at least get a picture of the year ahead?