Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many men just check out when the home situation gets bad.

If you're married to a nagging, obsessive, hyper-controlling DCUM wife, it's easier to give her what she thinks she wants - control over everything - and head on out to the gym or the links. You want to run the show? You got it! Oh darn, you don't like getting what you wish for? Too bad!

A real man wouldn’t allow anyone to drive a wedge between him and his child, especially if said child had issues. So, no, you don’t get to blame your weak lily-livered behavior on others. You advocate for your child, instead of hiding away.

+1000

So sorry OP. That sounds really tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many men just check out when the home situation gets bad.

If you're married to a nagging, obsessive, hyper-controlling DCUM wife, it's easier to give her what she thinks she wants - control over everything - and head on out to the gym or the links. You want to run the show? You got it! Oh darn, you don't like getting what you wish for? Too bad!

A real man wouldn’t allow anyone to drive a wedge between him and his child, especially if said child had issues. So, no, you don’t get to blame your weak lily-livered behavior on others. You advocate for your child, instead of hiding away.

Anonymous wrote:It’s been really hard with him since birth. We tried everything. Counseling, adhd meds, etc. He is a very unhappy volatile person. Now that he’s a teen, it’s nearly impossible to live with him. He’s turned into this person I dislike so much. He’s crude, caustic, barely getting by at school, smokes weed, and is always in an explosive mood. My husband grew tired of it all long ago and pretty much checked out. He’s gone for work and when he doesn’t work he golfs. My other son, who has none of these issues, escapes in his own way. I’m a SAHM left holding the bag, and trying to keep everything together as best I can. My marriage has suffered terribly. I’ve suffered terribly, I am depressed (medicated) and in therapy but nothing ever gets better.

OP, I just want to say you are doing the right thing by trying to nip it in the bud. MIL had a volatile DC that ran the house due to their outbursts, and MIL did the family no favors by checking out (FIL was never home). I like the military school idea.

There are residential treatment programs where the kids pretty much live outside, have a very structured program and get a lot of therapy. Sounds like it would be a good fit for your son. It worked wonders for mine.

Thing about what everyone is recommending is that it is all really expensive.

So sorry- teens can be terrible. You sound like a nice and caring parent.

Maybe you can find a military style summer camp and send him off for the summer, give yourself some time off (you sound like you could use a break) and maybe he will come around and grow up a bit.

Our 13 yr old DS is pretty great. But, he hasn't hit puberty yet. I have no idea what he will be like once those hormones kick in. We have told him that if he ever becomes too much for us to handle (ie, drugs, acting out, etc..) we would send him to military school. We are not a military family in the sense that DH was in the military (my brother was in the National Guard), but we told him that we love him too much to let him fail at life and/or end up in jail. So, military school it will be.

I see it like rehab - if your kid has a problem and can't seem to get himself in order, he needs help, probably more than you can handle right now, especially since your husband has checked out (and might I add, he's a jerk and a loser of a father for doing so.. sorry).

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry. This is one of a few true parenting nightmares. I guess you have to set your limits and be OK with them. I don't think there is any other way. It must be so, so hard.

But that's giving up on DS, who it sounds like is still a minor. It's not about OP, her DH and their "limits." What this calls for is a last ditch approach to help the son.

Anonymous wrote:Military school great idea. Do it now while you still have power (he’s a minor) o

Yes, this. OP, pull your husband into this pronto. You have to make a concrete decision on behalf of the family. You're letting things just drift now, with no direction, which is why everyone is so miserable. You almost can't make a wrong decision; something is better than nothing. Start researching military schools that fit kids with this profile. You may not recognize your son a year from now, and I mean that in a positive way.

I am so sorry. This is one of a few true parenting nightmares. I guess you have to set your limits and be OK with them. I don't think there is any other way. It must be so, so hard.

Military school great idea. Do it now while you still have power (he’s a minor) o

Ugh! I'm so sorry!

Military school?

Why do so many men just check out when the home situation gets bad. My friend is in the same boat. Her husband basically went AWOL when their son was diagnosed with a SN. She's left holding the bag, so to speak, all on her own. Thankfully, she was the bread winner to begin with.

I am so sorry OP! I'm afraid I don't have any good advice for you, but I'm sending out a mental hug to you! Parenting really, really sucks sometimes (especially teens!)!

It’s been really hard with him since birth. We tried everything. Counseling, adhd meds, etc. He is a very unhappy volatile person. Now that he’s a teen, it’s nearly impossible to live with him. He’s turned into this person I dislike so much. He’s crude, caustic, barely getting by at school, smokes weed, and is always in an explosive mood. My husband grew tired of it all long ago and pretty much checked out. He’s gone for work and when he doesn’t work he golfs. My other son, who has none of these issues, escapes in his own way. I’m a SAHM left holding the bag, and trying to keep everything together as best I can. My marriage has suffered terribly. I’ve suffered terribly, I am depressed (medicated) and in therapy but nothing ever gets better.