Mean is general. Bullying is targeted.

In context of school - bullying is the behavior that singles out one person and the intimidation is verbal, physical, social or psychological buy a bully or a group of bullies - consistently. Bullying happens when bullies are aware of their anti-social behavior and they seek out the bullied kid to bully him, knowing that no one else will stop them. Also, if it interferes with your child wanting to go to school or they become depressed - it is bullying.

This is a good question. I think part of it has to do with repeatedly targeting a specific kid. It could start out as just being "mean," but what makes it bullying is that the "bully" realizes there are specific vulnerabilities in the bullied child he can continue to trigger. Another aspect is that the bullying is social -- the bullied kid is generally ostracized.

Other people have already covered this, but the imbalance of power is a key part of bullying. If the target of bullying can be reasonably expected to hold his or her own against the aggressor, then while it's mean and annoying, it's not bullying. If for some reason, the target can't really defend him or herself (perhaps target has SN, target is much smaller/weaker for physical bullying, it's a group of aggressors going after one victim, etc.), then it's bullying. Frequently, bullying will be a group of children banding together to repeatedly target one child for teasing, unwanted contact, or harassment.

Even exclusion can be bullying when it's a large group of kids repeatedly excluding one or two kids from playing with them at recess, sharing a lunch table, or things like that.

Pretty much anyone can be mean sometimes. Bullying is intentionally seeking to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone, usually someone perceived as vulnerable in some way. And bullying is not a one-off event or a kid reacting badly to something. It's aggressive, intentional, and repeated (or with the potential to be repeated.)

Rude = inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.

Mean = purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).


Bullying = intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power. Bullying may be physical, verbal, relational (threat of taking friendship away) or carried out via technology:

There was a consistently mean kid in my class in elementary school. He had a few friends, but everyone else was a target for his jerky behavior. He just lashed out at whomever caught his attention in the moment. Everyone avoided him, but since we were all in the same boat no one was especially afraid of him.

A bully is different in that he targets specific kids for ongoing abuse. Those kids are singled out and tend to feel alone in dealing with the problem.

Bullying is specific, repeated/continual, targeted mean behavior.

Being mean is being mean.

I’m having a hard time figuring it the difference. Is all mean behavior bullying? Is all teasing bullying?