Anonymous wrote:This is part of being 4. I would try to deal with this with humor in order to give her a graceful out and let her save face and "change her mind." Don't devolve into a stand off.

"Shoes, why doesn't Ella want to put you away? Left shoe, I'm going to put you on the shelf. What's that, you are missing your sister? I don't blame you for being lonely (Try to get a laugh out of her.)

Go on with what you were doing tidying up. Come back in two minutes. "Did you get shoes put away? We have x and y (pleasant things) to get done today."

If so, say nothing more about it. If not, keep moving and keep busy. Do not get angry. Do not make this about control.

I mean, that's easier said than done, but it's true. If you get in a stand-off with a four-year-old, you've already lost. Humor, deflection, ignoring it...all are better strategies.

And let her scream. Don't try to console her, or reason with her, or anything.

Anonymous wrote:Is there a troll who pushes spanking on every thread in DCUM, or do people actually still spank???

I have spanked, and I would spank in a situation like this, and I'm not the previous poster who suggested it.

This is part of being 4. I would try to deal with this with humor in order to give her a graceful out and let her save face and "change her mind." Don't devolve into a stand off.

"Shoes, why doesn't Ella want to put you away? Left shoe, I'm going to put you on the shelf. What's that, you are missing your sister? I don't blame you for being lonely (Try to get a laugh out of her.)

Go on with what you were doing tidying up. Come back in two minutes. "Did you get shoes put away? We have x and y (pleasant things) to get done today."

If so, say nothing more about it. If not, keep moving and keep busy. Do not get angry. Do not make this about control.

Is there a troll who pushes spanking on every thread in DCUM, or do people actually still spank???

What kind of consequences does she have at home when she refuses? You need to be consistent with the strong willed children. If you are letting it go at home to avoid tantrums, she’s learned she’s in charge.

Anonymous wrote:Consequences.
Read some books about raising difficult children. Consistently behave the same way and set specific limits. They will test until they learn you will behave the same way EVERY time. If you deviate even once, they will start the testing all over again.

This. Or spank if you have no time for reading books.

Oh, my DD did this too, especially ages 2-3. It's like she just shut down and wouldn't/couldn't cooperate. Very strange and inconsistent as well, about what would trigger it.

I ignored it when I could, I physically carried/forced her when I needed to, and she has pretty much completely grown out of it now.

Consequences.
Read some books about raising difficult children. Consistently behave the same way and set specific limits. They will test until they learn you will behave the same way EVERY time. If you deviate even once, they will start the testing all over again.

DD 4 picks really random moments to just refuse to cooperate or follow a direction. For example at home I might ask her to put her shoes away and she will stand up and stare at me and refuse to do it. She won’t speak, she won’t argue, she won’t do anything else but stand there in some kind of strange protest to the request. She does this at preschool to. The kids have to say “here” when they are lining up and sometimes she will just refuse. She would stand there for hours, for no reason at all other than she didn’t want to. She very verbal, very social and a generally pleasant little girl. If you impose any kind of consequence for not follow a direction she will scream. The strange part is often hours later she will say “now I’m ready to clean up.” “Now I’m ready to say please/thank you.” Everything is on her terms. There was an issue today where she just refused to come inside for playground, once again for no reason other than she wasn’t ready right at that moment. They had to carry her in to keep class from being out of ratio and she screamed for 45mins. How do we stop these ridiculous stand offs. No amount of negotiation or bribery works.