Anonymous wrote:He's probably got a burner phone or an email you know nothing about. I'm sorry, OP. I don't buy for a minute that the relationship with the OW is over.

OP here. I think he really did quit speaking to her BUT I think he doesn't want to close the door yet. He still wants to look at her "beautiful" face and see what's going on in her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should be thankful you gave him another chance, and yes at least unfriend the OW.

Has he otherwise been transparent? Can you verify that they still have not been in contact with one another?

I checked the phone records and he's not contacted her by phone since. I also saw were she was very angry with him shortly after I found out. But there was nothing from him after that. I should also note that while he hasn't talked to her via phone, he HAS wished her "happy birthday" twice via social media but no other contact. BTW, the "Happy Birthday" message was quite a heartfelt message from him too.

What did he say when you asked why is he still connected with her on FB? Did you tell him you want him to unfriend her?

The 8 years of "off and on" were because he would feel guilty, then stop because he wanted to keep his marriage. By the way, this has been gone on for a majority of our marriage.

He's probably got a burner phone or an email you know nothing about. I'm sorry, OP. I don't buy for a minute that the relationship with the OW is over.

This is OP. I can't believe he's still stuck on this woman from college, who I learned is the first woman he fell in love with. But he claims he wants us to stay married.

The kids are 14 and 10.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, that’s awful. I hate to say this, but an affair that goes on for 8 years doesn’t just stop with no explanation or goodbye.. ever. He’s lying about that.

And YES you have a case... i cant even believe you have to ask. He should’ve done EVERYthing in his power to fix this, which includes defriending and blocking on all social media.

But all of that being said.. OP, eight years? You have to leave. How many kids and how old are you both?

Most of that 8 years was off and on and from a distance. It was very emotional. I really think he was in love with her. Usually you could just say it was because he wanted sex but no, they had not even seen each other since they were in college 20 years ago. Once they saw each other after having an emotional affair for 8 years and professing their undying love, BAM!

Anonymous wrote:He should be thankful you gave him another chance, and yes at least unfriend the OW.

Has he otherwise been transparent? Can you verify that they still have not been in contact with one another?

I checked the phone records and he's not contacted her by phone since. I also saw were she was very angry with him shortly after I found out. But there was nothing from him after that. I should also note that while he hasn't talked to her via phone, he HAS wished her "happy birthday" twice via social media but no other contact. BTW, the "Happy Birthday" message was quite a heartfelt message from him too.

Anonymous wrote:That's totally ridiculous. He's playing you, OP.

A remorseful person wouldn't keep any kind of superficial contact with the OW.

He claims that he hasn't had any contact with her because he hasn't been talking to her but my question is: why can't he just let her go totally? He can still see her pictures, etc. I read the text messages between them and he had her on a pedestal, constantly telling her how beautiful she is, how she was his soulmate, etc. All of it made me physically ill. It would be different if this were a one night stand but it was an emotional affair with a former flame that lives all the way across the country.

Go to surviving infidelity.com. The first step that every cheating spouse must take if they want to reconcile is to go "no contact." That includes deleting cell numbers and definitely blocking on every social medial platform.

He hasn't stopped cheating and if its not with her, its with someone else. Move on and make a good life for yourself.

Sorry OP, that’s awful. I hate to say this, but an affair that goes on for 8 years doesn’t just stop with no explanation or goodbye.. ever. He’s lying about that.

And YES you have a case... i cant even believe you have to ask. He should’ve done EVERYthing in his power to fix this, which includes defriending and blocking on all social media.

But all of that being said.. OP, eight years? You have to leave. How many kids and how old are you both?

8 years!! Plus he won't stop.

Lady time to get divorced.

He should be thankful you gave him another chance, and yes at least unfriend the OW.

Has he otherwise been transparent? Can you verify that they still have not been in contact with one another?

That's totally ridiculous. He's playing you, OP.

A remorseful person wouldn't keep any kind of superficial contact with the OW.

Long story short: I found out two years ago that my DH was cheating with his HS sweetheart. It was not just a one night stand and went on for 8 years. From what I could tell it was 95% emotional. Anyway, I wanted to keep my family together so I decided to forgive him and move on. Lo and behold, two years later, I find that he STILL is following this OW on social media. He has made no attempts to unfriend or block her. I voiced my concerns about this and he told me that he stopped speaking to her the day I found out about them two years ago. He says he cut her off immediately with no explanation or "goodbye". He's acting like I'm the one that's being unreasonable for wanting him to unfriend/block her. Do I have a case here?