I would attend IF I think you’re having a no-kids wedding because it’s going to be a good party and worth the time away from my kids and expense of childcare.

If I think it’s going to be lame or I don’t really know many people or we’re not that close, then i’ll probably skip it and just hang with my kids.

Hiring an unfamiliar babysitter out of town is not comfortable for many. If the child is older, can talk, etc, this might be easier. Or if the babysitter comes personally recommended; i.e., is someone local's sitter, rather than random hotel hire.

Arranging child care you a comfortable with, like flying in your mom (or your nanny) to the wedding town to babysit, is a big ask with a big cost.

Having 1 parent attend or no one attend is how this decision would go for many.

Anonymous wrote:Overnight childcare is expensive and I don't have anyone to watch that I'd trust. My parents will watch the kids for some nights, but I don't want to waste that on a child-free wedding -- those precious nights are spent on a vacation with DH and me.

Also, honestly, the kid-free weddings I have been to have been really boring and tedious, even before I had kids. They felt like work events, not something truly enjoyable. It's not that having kids at the wedding is so important, but I think that the people who can deal with kids are more relaxed and fun, and therefore their weddings are much more fun. Since getting childcare is such a hassle, and I don't think the event will be one I would enjoy much, I don't see the point.

I think people are totally fine choosing kid-free weddings, by the way. I would never complain about a kid-free wedding or ask to bring my kids anyhow, of course. I just think they are more likely to be stuffy, uptight affairs.

LOL, OK. Guess we don't hang out with the same crowds.

OP here - this all makes sense; I guess there weren't as many categorical "no kids, no go" folks as I thought.

I think this is sort of a cultural thing too. I have lots of Indian friends and they absolutely wouldn't attend without children. I think the cultural thing might be skewing results.

I have 3 kids - currently 9, 7, and 4. Another backdrop is that DH and I also work, and in general, I don't love taking full weekends away from the kids (or I prefer to do it only sparingly). Though, in general, we think weddings are important and our general MO is that it's important to "show up" for people.

A big consideration is where the wedding is. If it is local, it would not be an issue. We have regular babysitters in our town. Whether I trust a rando babysitter who I don't know, in another town is another story - and of course, that prospect gets easier as my kids get older.

If the wedding is out of town, it's more of an issue. My parents can watch my kids generally, but if it's a family wedding that my parents are also attending - because there go my babysitters.

DH and I are also ok with splitting up depending on the circumstances. DH and I have been invited to a wedding on my side of the family, out of town, with no kids invited. DH and my kids came with me on the wknd trip, but he did not attend the wedding. He did some other activity with my kids and put then to bed at a normal hour, while I attended the wedding with my parents and sister. If all of this stuff with kids and babysitters, etc. gets too difficult, and the wedding is too far away, etc. we may have to RSVP no.

So I guess I'm not helping you - I am not a categorically won't attend person. My guess is that those people are just attached to the hip with the kids to make that kind of categorical determination.

In town I would def go to one. Out of town DH or I go solo for very close friend or family and otherwise skip. It is too much to coordinate and too expensive.

I don’t begrudge people who have a childless wedding, unlike the OP of that thread.

Depends on how close I am to the person. We were just invited to DH's cousin's destination wedding. It's child free in rural South Carolina. I'm not sure we'd be going even if kids were invited, but that put the nail in that coffin. Hotel babysitters are sketchy and I have a breastfeeding infant and a 2 year old. (Not driveable, not close to a large city, no kids invited, not that close with the bride and groom) MIL is pissed at us because she wants to show off our kids before and after the wedding.

For a best friend's wedding, we fly my mom in to watch our kids. I do prefer weddings without kids, but that's maybe because my baby goes to sleep at 6:30 and my toddler at 7:30pm

When I was single, I traveled all over the country for various weddings and wedding-related events. I was lucky to be able to afford to do so. MY DH did the same when he was single. We we got married, we had a destination wedding and we were floored by all of the friends who were able to come, many of whom either left their kids home or used the babysitters at our venue. Now that we have a kid, I try really hard to pay it forward and make it to my friends weddings. It isn't always possible for financial or childcare reasons, but it's important to me to show up for my friends if I can.

If it's reasonably local, I would just get a sitter and go to the wedding.

I generally don't go to weddings that require a flight, unless it's somewhere I wanted to visit on vacation anyway. By the time you factor in the cost of flights, hotels, time off of work, and everything else, the wedding would end up needing to replace our family vacation for the year. There are very few people I care enough about to have their wedding become my vacation rather than being able to go somewhere I want to go.

If cost and time off of work weren't a factor, I still wouldn't go to childfree destination weddings. Not everyone has local parents, in-laws, or trusted babysitters for that length of time, and it's not like you can just legally leave the kids alone for a few days.

Overnight childcare is expensive and I don't have anyone to watch that I'd trust. My parents will watch the kids for some nights, but I don't want to waste that on a child-free wedding -- those precious nights are spent on a vacation with DH and me.

Also, honestly, the kid-free weddings I have been to have been really boring and tedious, even before I had kids. They felt like work events, not something truly enjoyable. It's not that having kids at the wedding is so important, but I think that the people who can deal with kids are more relaxed and fun, and therefore their weddings are much more fun. Since getting childcare is such a hassle, and I don't think the event will be one I would enjoy much, I don't see the point.

I think people are totally fine choosing kid-free weddings, by the way. I would never complain about a kid-free wedding or ask to bring my kids anyhow, of course. I just think they are more likely to be stuffy, uptight affairs.

OP here - and these prior two responses make perfect sense to me. We've been lucky that most of our very-far-away weddings happened before we had kids, so it hasn't been too hard to get the ones that have happened since. I'm more curious about the posters who seemed to say that they categorically would not attend a wedding that their kids weren't invited to.

It basically all comes down to child care and expense. As the PP said, in most circumstances I'm not going to trust an out of state babysitter who I've never met, so while I really do appreciate the thought of setting that up, it's not going to work for us. So then I have to decide if this wedding is something I'm willing to use a "weekend away" for. I'm definitely not one of those moms who never leaves my kids, but when I do, I want it to be something that I really enjoy. Depending on the person and the location of the wedding, it may or may not out rank a quiet weekend away with my husband.

-I wouldn't trust out-of-state child care I don't know, so that would never be an option. And if the cost of traveling with the kids was prohibitive, and one of us didn't want to sit out the reception to be with the kids, we'd just say no.

-A lot depends on the destination. I have zero desire to go to a wedding in Wisconsin. If the same couple were getting married in San Francisco, I'd consider it. (I'm not knocking Wisconsin; it's a beautiful state, it's just not a place I'm willing to shell out money and inconvenience to visit at this stage of my life.)

-All that being said, I have done it both ways, and I definitely would leave the kids at home with my ILs or a trusted babysitter. But it depends entirely on who is getting married, where, how much it costs, etc.

I'm sure many of you have read (and giggled about) the kid-free wedding rant thread.

Plenty of people weighed in, and I noticed a lot of people saying that if a couple had a child-free wedding, they would not go. Many of these people ALSO said that it was up to the couple getting married who to invite to their wedding, and they would not be mad or annoyed at the couple for choosing not to invite kids to the wedding, so that's not the issue.

For those of you who would not go to a wedding that your kids weren't invited to, why? If it's because you don't have childcare for the night, or the weekend if its an out of town wedding, I understand 100%. It is expensive, not everyone has family who can help (or sometimes that family is also going to the wedding). If childcare isn't the issue.....what is? Do you just not like weddings and want an excuse not to go?

Please know that I am not trying to be snarky or judgmental. I have so much fun at weddings and we have managed to make it to all of the weddings we've been invited to post-kids, and even when they are invited, we never bring them.