SIL tried to get nephew into a treatment program for weed after they found him smoking it for the 4th time. She couldn't find one that would accept him in their state. He was 17 at that point and he didn't qualify based on intake questions(?!) is what she told me. Three different centers classified him as a casual user who didn't need treatment.

He's 20 now and still smokes based off of what I see on his IG. I won't let my kids be in the car with him nor is he allowed in any of their cars. He did give it up for an entire summer while doing an internship that drug tested periodically. He says once he's a real adult (aka graduates from college) he'll stop until he finds a job and then only smoke on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, nothing we said or did seemed to have an impact, but he seemed to grow out of the everyday phase.

Yeah. In similar situation. Did you try treatment before 18?

No we did not try treatment, but he was seeing a therapist for depression. Had it been expanded beyond weed, I would have definitely looked into treatment.

Anonymous wrote:If I ever find myself in this place it's going to involve a cast iron frying pan and a lesson in hard love. Very hard love. I will not tolerate it.

For those with wild imaginations there's quite a lot you can do with a cast iron frying pan to drive home the message without actually hitting someone else.

I would have said the same thing five years ago, but until you go thru it you will not know how you would react. Believe me we did tolerate it, but we could not stop it.

If I ever find myself in this place it's going to involve a cast iron frying pan and a lesson in hard love. Very hard love. I will not tolerate it.

For those with wild imaginations there's quite a lot you can do with a cast iron frying pan to drive home the message without actually hitting someone else.

Unless medically indicated (and we're scientists and doctors, so we'd know), we don't tolerate such things.

They will be free to do what they want when their brain stops growing that fast. However, the brain develops well into young adulthood, so until then, we will impress upon them how deleterious it is to use any kind of recreational drug, on long-term memory and critical thinking.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, nothing we said or did seemed to have an impact, but he seemed to grow out of the everyday phase.

Yeah. In similar situation. Did you try treatment before 18?

Yes, nothing we said or did seemed to have an impact, but he seemed to grow out of the everyday phase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially I confiscated when I found it. About third time I found the hiding spot I did not confiscate it and I monitored it daily to kind of gauge how much and how often. The first time I went snooping I was concerned something was going on but I did not want to accuse without proof. After that I went snooping because we told DS we had zero tolerance and I suspected it was still going on.

I considered the amount of weed and the vape and the bong and the rolling papers to be more than a casual user.

OP. And then what was your next move? So tough! And given that you have a zero tolerance, which I do as well, what would you have done if it was truly casual?

Our punishment when he left out evidence of such a lighter in his pants pocket in the laundry or leaving a vape on his bed or coming home smelling like weed was always one month grounding along with a big Mom and Dad talk. So many of the kids are doing it today but I felt I didn't have to accept any of that in my house and I always wanted him to know where we stood.

Does he still use?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially I confiscated when I found it. About third time I found the hiding spot I did not confiscate it and I monitored it daily to kind of gauge how much and how often. The first time I went snooping I was concerned something was going on but I did not want to accuse without proof. After that I went snooping because we told DS we had zero tolerance and I suspected it was still going on.

I considered the amount of weed and the vape and the bong and the rolling papers to be more than a casual user.

OP. And then what was your next move? So tough! And given that you have a zero tolerance, which I do as well, what would you have done if it was truly casual?

Our punishment when he left out evidence of such a lighter in his pants pocket in the laundry or leaving a vape on his bed or coming home smelling like weed was always one month grounding along with a big Mom and Dad talk. So many of the kids are doing it today but I felt I didn't have to accept any of that in my house and I always wanted him to know where we stood.

Anonymous wrote:Initially I confiscated when I found it. About third time I found the hiding spot I did not confiscate it and I monitored it daily to kind of gauge how much and how often. The first time I went snooping I was concerned something was going on but I did not want to accuse without proof. After that I went snooping because we told DS we had zero tolerance and I suspected it was still going on.

I considered the amount of weed and the vape and the bong and the rolling papers to be more than a casual user.

This was a smart move. You reacted strategically.

I haven't experienced this (kids are older), but honestly I would come down hard on them. 1) It's illegal, 2) Their brains are still developing, and 3) The weed use could limit their options. My DS had a internship with a big company and they required a drug test.

Just hug and smell them when they get home.

Anonymous wrote:Initially I confiscated when I found it. About third time I found the hiding spot I did not confiscate it and I monitored it daily to kind of gauge how much and how often. The first time I went snooping I was concerned something was going on but I did not want to accuse without proof. After that I went snooping because we told DS we had zero tolerance and I suspected it was still going on.

I considered the amount of weed and the vape and the bong and the rolling papers to be more than a casual user.

OP. And then what was your next move? So tough! And given that you have a zero tolerance, which I do as well, what would you have done if it was truly casual?

Initially I confiscated when I found it. About third time I found the hiding spot I did not confiscate it and I monitored it daily to kind of gauge how much and how often. The first time I went snooping I was concerned something was going on but I did not want to accuse without proof. After that I went snooping because we told DS we had zero tolerance and I suspected it was still going on.

I considered the amount of weed and the vape and the bong and the rolling papers to be more than a casual user.

In this day of weed being so much more common, how did you know whether your kid was a casual social user or more involved? What were the signs, what did you do, what do you think about 'casual' use? I'm just trying to catch up with where I suspect we are. And, yes, rules are clear on this. But let's face it folks, teenagers are slippery.