Anonymous
03/14/2019 12:05
Subject: Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Anonymous wrote:Freed Bodyworks in DC offers therapy specifically for pain related to binding. I'd start there. https://www.freedbodyworks.com/binding
I'm very conservative medically, both for myself and my kid, so I really do understand where you're coming from about the HRT. Nevertheless, I think you need to let your child have some autonomy about their body. I think a reasonable approach would be to ask her to do therapy for a year and make sure she understands the risks and benefits, then let her chose for herself at 16. 16 is for me a sort of lodestar age for making reproductive/body decisions like this.
Wow, Freedbodyworks looks great! And they do psychotherapy! I've emailed a clinician there. Thanks!!!
Anonymous
03/14/2019 10:13
Subject: Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Freed Bodyworks in DC offers therapy specifically for pain related to binding. I'd start there. https://www.freedbodyworks.com/binding
I'm very conservative medically, both for myself and my kid, so I really do understand where you're coming from about the HRT. Nevertheless, I think you need to let your child have some autonomy about their body. I think a reasonable approach would be to ask her to do therapy for a year and make sure she understands the risks and benefits, then let her chose for herself at 16. 16 is for me a sort of lodestar age for making reproductive/body decisions like this.
I'm very conservative medically, both for myself and my kid, so I really do understand where you're coming from about the HRT. Nevertheless, I think you need to let your child have some autonomy about their body. I think a reasonable approach would be to ask her to do therapy for a year and make sure she understands the risks and benefits, then let her chose for herself at 16. 16 is for me a sort of lodestar age for making reproductive/body decisions like this.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 10:06
Subject: Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
I have in the past, and will continue to google meetups, gay organizations, etc. but if anyone has any specific suggestions for where to meet butch lesbians, please let me know. My kid is very interested in pursuing a career in theatre tech, lighting specifically. So if you know anyone in theatre who is a butch lesbian, willing to talk to a teen, please let me know. I can always post a throw away email.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 08:52
Subject: Re:Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please help her find resources for and by butch lesbians. If she can get to know adult butches in an age appropriate way through a community organization or even online, she may see that she’s “one of them” and find her tribe. I see so many teens who aren’t truly trans but think transitioning will solve their identity issues. Read about folks who have de-transitioned in the lesbian community. Read about gender-critical and radical feminism.
I was with you until the end there. Gender critical, radical feminism is a way to tear down our trans brothers and sisters. This is a kid who needs support, not a fired up group of middle aged cranks yelling about who is on whose lawn.
I was that non-conforming kid. I didn’t transition nor would I want to, but the pressure in HS- where everything is so heavily policed gender-wise- was tough. Eventually I grew up into a relatively gender conforming adult- folks might consider me a little tomboyish but that’s about it. I DO however, have a number of gender non-conforming stereotypical butch friends. It’s hard out there for masculine of center women and feminine of center men. That said, I also have a number of trans folks in my life. Some transitioned when they were teens, others as adults.
My recommendation is to find a counselor who can guide your kid through high school’s rough waters. Maybe don’t put anything on or off the table- rather, consider a timeline of care so that decisions aren’t made in the heat of hard moments but with a lot of thought and consideration.
Best wishes for your child OP. I’ll be thinking of them. You might benefit from PFLAG- just to talk to other parents who are also going through similar situations.
Well, the poster was right. It's not about tearing down trans but being realistic and not letting kids make major mistakes through confusion. That's what happens when you let boundaries blur.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 08:22
Subject: Re:Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Anonymous wrote:Please help her find resources for and by butch lesbians. If she can get to know adult butches in an age appropriate way through a community organization or even online, she may see that she’s “one of them” and find her tribe. I see so many teens who aren’t truly trans but think transitioning will solve their identity issues. Read about folks who have de-transitioned in the lesbian community. Read about gender-critical and radical feminism.
I was with you until the end there. Gender critical, radical feminism is a way to tear down our trans brothers and sisters. This is a kid who needs support, not a fired up group of middle aged cranks yelling about who is on whose lawn.
I was that non-conforming kid. I didn’t transition nor would I want to, but the pressure in HS- where everything is so heavily policed gender-wise- was tough. Eventually I grew up into a relatively gender conforming adult- folks might consider me a little tomboyish but that’s about it. I DO however, have a number of gender non-conforming stereotypical butch friends. It’s hard out there for masculine of center women and feminine of center men. That said, I also have a number of trans folks in my life. Some transitioned when they were teens, others as adults.
My recommendation is to find a counselor who can guide your kid through high school’s rough waters. Maybe don’t put anything on or off the table- rather, consider a timeline of care so that decisions aren’t made in the heat of hard moments but with a lot of thought and consideration.
Best wishes for your child OP. I’ll be thinking of them. You might benefit from PFLAG- just to talk to other parents who are also going through similar situations.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 07:57
Subject: Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Check out 4thwavenow.com for other parents in your situation.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 07:54
Subject: Re:Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
Please help her find resources for and by butch lesbians. If she can get to know adult butches in an age appropriate way through a community organization or even online, she may see that she’s “one of them” and find her tribe. I see so many teens who aren’t truly trans but think transitioning will solve their identity issues. Read about folks who have de-transitioned in the lesbian community. Read about gender-critical and radical feminism.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 07:34
Subject: Any insights for my depressed teen, Lesbian gender non conforming
My 15 year old DD is hospitalized in a psychiatric unit this week. Anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts/intentions. We have always been supportive, she's been out for a long time, has had girlfriends come over, etc.
We are going to work to take the pressure off at school. DD says she wants some HRT to be able to "pass". Does not want surgery but in the past has used a binder, but it made her too uncomfortable.
Obviously we are going to work with professionals to help her. However, we are loathe to introduce hormones due to health risks. Also this is not a kid who expressed any gender non conformity as a child. It wasn't until later puberty years that she started talking about these issues. I want to be sure it's for real before exposing to HRT.
Just wondered if any of you have been through something similar as a teen and what helped you most, what got you through. Thanks.
We are going to work to take the pressure off at school. DD says she wants some HRT to be able to "pass". Does not want surgery but in the past has used a binder, but it made her too uncomfortable.
Obviously we are going to work with professionals to help her. However, we are loathe to introduce hormones due to health risks. Also this is not a kid who expressed any gender non conformity as a child. It wasn't until later puberty years that she started talking about these issues. I want to be sure it's for real before exposing to HRT.
Just wondered if any of you have been through something similar as a teen and what helped you most, what got you through. Thanks.