Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, what I would be more concerned about is the "grooming" of parents--as in the case of Michael Jackson. MJ groomed the parents to the point where the parents had convinced themselves that MJ was too wonderful to ever harm their little boys.

I don’t understand this concept or the larger point you’re attempting to illustrate with this at all. You’re saying to be vigilant against parent attitudes towards their children? What do Michael Jackson or R Kelly’s parental role to a grown man have to do with anything as it pertains to this discussion?

If you haven't been reading about or seen the MJ documentary "Leaving Neverland," there is a lot about how MJ basically won the trust of parents, which eased his ability to prey on children. Psychologists refer to this as "grooming" the parents because once a pedophile has won the trust of a child's parents, the parents permit the pedophile unsupervised access, and even sleepovers. Priests, teachers (like that teacher from Beauvoir), and stars like MJ manipulated children's parents into believing that entrusting the children in their care was in the best interest of the child.

Anonymous wrote:She seemed very comfortable getting physically close with a male she had not really been around before. It just illustrates that in a different environment, what if she did that innocently with a different stranger and were harmed? how do you empower them so certain kids that have certain outgoing, cuddly, warm and social personalities aren’t taken advantage of by sick people.

But honestly? That is one small, minor illustration in a much bigger point I’m making in seeking general info for ALL parents. No one really talks about it just the horrors of an aftermath..

That one point is NOT the focus of my post so I don’t want this thread to derail to a discussion focused on that small piece.

I once went to a relative's house, where mutual cousins were visiting. I'd been seeing the kids grow up via Facebook, but we'd never met before. The kids were 3, 6, and 9. When the relative asked me to walk the dog, the 9 yr old came running and asked if she could come with me. I said if it's okay with your mom, yes. She ran off to get permission. Off we went for a walk around a neighborhood in a city she'd never been to before. Nobody blinked. I did the right thing. There's nothing wrong with your DD trusting someone introduced to her as a family member. She didn't go off into a bathroom to take a bath with an older male cousin. She just sat in his lap. You probably made that cousin feel like shit.

Then that male teacher at Oyster School in DC....
assaulting third grade boys....

Anonymous wrote:Actually, what I would be more concerned about is the "grooming" of parents--as in the case of Michael Jackson. MJ groomed the parents to the point where the parents had convinced themselves that MJ was too wonderful to ever harm their little boys.

I don’t understand this concept or the larger point you’re attempting to illustrate with this at all. You’re saying to be vigilant against parent attitudes towards their children? What do Michael Jackson or R Kelly’s parental role to a grown man have to do with anything as it pertains to this discussion?

Actually, what I would be more concerned about is the "grooming" of parents--as in the case of Michael Jackson. MJ groomed the parents to the point where the parents had convinced themselves that MJ was too wonderful to ever harm their little boys.

Anonymous wrote:Read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. I'm surprised that this is not the first response!

Thanks for the recommendation

OP again thanks for the truly informative relied and suggestions. This is exactly the info I’m looking for. Thanks.

She seemed very comfortable getting physically close with a male she had not really been around before. It just illustrates that in a different environment, what if she did that innocently with a different stranger and were harmed? how do you empower them so certain kids that have certain outgoing, cuddly, warm and social personalities aren’t taken advantage of by sick people.

But honestly? That is one small, minor illustration in a much bigger point I’m making in seeking general info for ALL parents. No one really talks about it just the horrors of an aftermath..

That one point is NOT the focus of my post so I don’t want this thread to derail to a discussion focused on that small piece.

I have told my DD since she was about 4ish to not be in a bathroom with an adult other than parents, don't change clothes in front of other adults, private oarts are private and not to sit in anyones lap aside from family.
The lap thing I didnt think about until I heard about a pedophile in an Elem school that was having the girls sit on his lap. It seems so innocent to a kid but its not.

Something else I have done is go over different scenarios with her. I think thats more helpful than blanket statements

Read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. I'm surprised that this is not the first response!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am horrified reading the R Kelly thread. I have no experience with childhood sexual abuse, but I am a single mom to a young child and the thought of what some children have experienced sickens me. What are behaviors that parents like me should watch for? What conversations are appropriate at different ages? My daughter is 5, very social and friendly and affectionate and I’m always telling her about stranger danger. She once climbed into a cousins lap with so much ease it made me uncomfortable, and I redirected her - but what if I weren’t around?!

Aside from trusting your gut, what can you do to empower and prevent abuse or ward off pedophiles?

What do you tell your Young’s children?

And what about dating, after time, when you’re ready to intro kids and life partner. How do you set boundaries when you are getting serious with a person and thinking of introducing them to your kids - how do you know whether these people would ever do anything? This is why so many of us, we swear off dating or marriage after divorce!

Incredibly sad to think about, but I want to open the discussion for insight. I have a zillion questions.

huh??

Right? There's no reason to think that anything bad would have happened if you hadn't been there. You can't look at the whole world through the lens of fear.

1. Teach them accurate, regular medical terms (not babytalk or euphemisms) for private body parts. There is evidence to show that predators avoid kids with a good anatomic vocabulary, because it shows there is an adult talking with them matter-of-factly.

2. Tell your children never to trust someone who asks them to keep secrets from their parents.

3. Make sure they know you will love them, no matter what. Nothing so bad can happen to them or they can make no choice so bad that you will not love them.

4. Reassure them that if someone threatens to hurt their arents if they tell, they should not believe them.

Don't assume everyone is a pedophile, because if your alarm is constantly going off, it won't alert you to real threats.

This is what I tell my kid:

Good grownups don't ask kids to keep secrets from their parents. If someone asks you to keep a secret from me, you should tell me right away. No matter what it is, you won't get in trouble. (This involves a discussion of secrets v. surprises.) Good grownups don't give kids candy or any kind of treat without asking their parents if it's okay. Good grownups don't ask a kid to go somewhere with them without asking their parents first. Good grownups don't touch you if you don't want to be touched. Good grownups don't ask kids to help them without telling their parents first.

"Stranger danger" is actually a pretty useless concept. The people most likely to abuse your kid are adults they know and trust--teachers, coaches, relatives, etc. And sometimes they will need to ask a stranger for help: a police officer, a bus driver, a store clerk, another mom at the playground. It's about figuring out which adults can be trusted and which can't. (See above.) We talk about who to ask for help if you get lost or someone is bothering you (police officer, fire fighter, mom with kids).

The risk from pedophiles is actually quite low. Watch for people who take an unusual interest in your kid, want to do things alone with them, etc. Organizations (schools, sports teams, etc.) should have procedures to ensure that adults are not alone with a kid.

Anonymous wrote:I am horrified reading the R Kelly thread. I have no experience with childhood sexual abuse, but I am a single mom to a young child and the thought of what some children have experienced sickens me. What are behaviors that parents like me should watch for? What conversations are appropriate at different ages? My daughter is 5, very social and friendly and affectionate and I’m always telling her about stranger danger. She once climbed into a cousins lap with so much ease it made me uncomfortable, and I redirected her - but what if I weren’t around?!

Aside from trusting your gut, what can you do to empower and prevent abuse or ward off pedophiles?

What do you tell your Young’s children?

And what about dating, after time, when you’re ready to intro kids and life partner. How do you set boundaries when you are getting serious with a person and thinking of introducing them to your kids - how do you know whether these people would ever do anything? This is why so many of us, we swear off dating or marriage after divorce!

Incredibly sad to think about, but I want to open the discussion for insight. I have a zillion questions.

huh??

I am horrified reading the R Kelly thread. I have no experience with childhood sexual abuse, but I am a single mom to a young child and the thought of what some children have experienced sickens me. What are behaviors that parents like me should watch for? What conversations are appropriate at different ages? My daughter is 5, very social and friendly and affectionate and I’m always telling her about stranger danger. She once climbed into a cousins lap with so much ease it made me uncomfortable, and I redirected her - but what if I weren’t around?!

Aside from trusting your gut, what can you do to empower and prevent abuse or ward off pedophiles?

What do you tell your Young’s children?

And what about dating, after time, when you’re ready to intro kids and life partner. How do you set boundaries when you are getting serious with a person and thinking of introducing them to your kids - how do you know whether these people would ever do anything? This is why so many of us, we swear off dating or marriage after divorce!

Incredibly sad to think about, but I want to open the discussion for insight. I have a zillion questions.