My H is not a mama's boy in the traditional sense. She's not intentionally manipulative, she's just emotionally needy and suffers from anxiety, and he tries to cater to her whenever he can, sometimes at my expense.

I did not realize this when we were dating. What really woke me up was when my mom was really sick with cancer, and it was our turn to pend Christmas with my ILs. I asked that we spend several days with them but get home to be with my mom on actual Christmas day, since my mom would be alone that day (her home aid had the day off) and it was likely her last Christmas. H agreed with the plan, but when he told MIL she just couldn't help whining. So H felt all guilty and then asked me if I'd consider changing the plan to spend actual Christmas day with MIL. I would have divorced him if he insisted.

OP is mad that his mom is better at manipulating her DH than she is. Now she blames him for her own failings. Sad!

Being deference to one's parents or one's spouse's parents is a virtuous disposition in some culture. Some even say how he treats his mom is a reflection of how he will treat his wife. However, I see "momma's boys" have very negative connotation and somewhat undesirable.

What did your MIL do and how is she manipulating your DH? There are some things my MIL does that drive me crazy, but I shut my mouth and not say anything except yes ma'am. We don't live with her so that helps.

Give your experience with them. . . Were you smart enough to stay away, or a fool like me thinking things would change? Ten years later and at the end of the day, he falls for her manipulation and guilt trips, to the detriment of our relationship.