Anonymous wrote:Sell them. No one has a right to tell you to take their crap

+1

This. MIL wants us to take all her unwanted, useless crap so she wouldn't have to pay to have it trashed. We've been married decades, and have everything we wan/need, so no thank you. Yet, we asked for one thing, and she hit the roof - wouldn't STFU about it. Funny, she had no problem 1.) trying to give us all the crap she didn't want to pay to remove (because that is exactly how she is day to day) and 2.) making a big deal about not giving us the one thing we asked for (which she knew we would take care of, as a family, and would continue to enjoy often for generations, as a family). We have been more than generous with the family through the years, and now we know how she feels, so yeah. She is just a man, bitter person and that is how she will be remembered.

And whatever you do, do not treat your offspring differently, unfairly and/or unequally - THAT is your legacy. Period.

Anonymous wrote:30k books or $30k worth of books?

What does your DH think?

Are his parents older - is this inheritance going to happen soon?

I would see if there is a possibility of breaking up the collection amongst more family members, donating some or all to a school library or selling. Discuss with DH. If this is not imminent, no need to take it further for now.

30k books, not 30k worth.

It is not imminent, I just like to plan everything ahead of time, hehe.

This topic came up once in a while, and I normally don't know what to say to DH, because it is his family's tradition that the son gets all the books, his great grandfather started this tradition. DH knows we can't handle those books, but I think he is pressured to take them and keep them, and grow the library.

All I see in your post is that YOU don't want the books. Nothing about what DH wants. You sure he's on the same page as you about those books? Does he have siblings that might want them?

My dad had a lot of books when he passed away. The vast majority of them were of no interest to me. Some we donated to a university library, some we donated to the local library for resale, some we sold on eBay. Kept very few. Have to say that dealing with 20-30k books would be painful.

My suggestion would be, when you finally inherit, to have Second Story books evaluate them. SS Books very often buys LARGE numbers of books at a time from estate sales.

Anonymous wrote:I head that many cases of books are in storage, not on shelves

This is a sign that this particular family tradition isn't sustainable. Have they actually made him promise to keep the books? If I were you, I'd have DH talk to his parents and let him know that it seems like such a waste the books will remain in storage, degrading, since he won't be able to accommodate them in your house. Maybe he can talk to them all can come up with a solution that will best fit their wishes. Do they want to share their love of reading with future generations? Then make a list of the books and choose some favorites that they want to make sure their descendants know about. Would they be happy thinking of those books being donated? Could they offload some to a bookseller and use the money more directly to help either their own family or to donate to those in need?

It might soften the blow if you create a space for some books in your current house. Get some nice built-ins for the rare books and say how important it is for you to have a piece of the library in your house, but you won’t be able to keep all of them.

This would have been a lovely tradition in 1819.

I'm not sure it's a gift today.

30k books or $30k worth of books?

What does your DH think?

Are his parents older - is this inheritance going to happen soon?

I would see if there is a possibility of breaking up the collection amongst more family members, donating some or all to a school library or selling. Discuss with DH. If this is not imminent, no need to take it further for now.

Anonymous wrote:30k books? Holy sh*t that’s a lot of books. We have a library/office with 1k+ and even that feels like a super indulgent waste of space.

Are these rare books? Or James Patterson paperbacks? Either way, I’m not sure you can justify keeping every single one.

Some are rare books, and I'm pretty sure we will keep the rare ones because some might be museum worthy. But the majority of the books are just random books! There is no way we will have the space for them! My main concern is not to hurt parents' feelings if we tell them we can't take all the books, or the family library tradition will end with us.

You'll need a specialized estate sale company--one that handles collections and can identify anything particularly valuable.

Do not rearrange your life around this--every time you consider it, look at your kids and ask yourself, "Do I want to put them in this situation?"

Anonymous wrote:Once they’re dead they won’t know what happened to their stuff.

Does anyone actually read these books?

OP here,

But we can't promise we'll keep the library them throw the books away once they are passed away. We would feel so guilty then!

Yes, they are meant to be read, but I know I wouldn't read them. I think DH's dad has read all those books.

Sell them. No one has a right to tell you to take their crap

30k books? Holy sh*t that’s a lot of books. We have a library/office with 1k+ and even that feels like a super indulgent waste of space.

Are these rare books? Or James Patterson paperbacks? Either way, I’m not sure you can justify keeping every single one.

Once they’re dead they won’t know what happened to their stuff.

Does anyone actually read these books?

We make it clear we are taking very limited number of things and we are taking them now as they are downsizing. We are taking my in-laws piano and a handmade dictionary stand form his great great grandfather and a few very old cooks (one box) That’s it. All the furniture, books, stuff etc is theirs to dispose of as they wish. We can help we shuttling to donation locations etc. I was very clear about this when we got married. They are a decade plus older than my parents and are downsizing now. Same deal for my parents when the time comes. I will take a set of china from my grandmother I grew up with at holidays and a couple musical instruments that have been passed down and that’s about it.

It is DH's family tradition that DH gets all the books from his parent's library, I estimated there will be 20k -30k books (could be more, I can't count all of them, I head that many cases of books are in storage, not on shelves). Our modest house cannot possibly hold all those books, so what do we do? Passing down the family library is their tradition started 3 generations ago. Will it hurt their feelings if we tell them we can't handle the number of books? Shall we build a big house to house all the books once we are a bit older and have more $$? We can't afford a big house right now. And also I probably would want to downsize later in life anyway, I wouldn't want a 5000 sqft house when I'm retired.

Maybe you never have to inherit books, but maybe you had to deal with other "stuff" passed down to you. What did you do with those "stuff". Any suggestion?