Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that people aren't saying divorce. i would get a divorce over this before i would get one over a few minutes with some floozy, but that's me.

This. I could forgive an affair before this. Don’t eff with the money.

I'm surprised that people aren't saying divorce. i would get a divorce over this before i would get one over a few minutes with some floozy, but that's me.

Anonymous wrote:Define large.
Who does this?

more common than you think

Pay off the bills on the understanding that he will cut up the credit cards. Watch him do it. An ATM debit card is all that is needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, your money is your money. He racked up the bills, he pays for it. Don't be one of those women who help their men out at their own expense. Women need to be smart and not allow themselves to be manipulated.

This is dumb. You are married and are a partnership. Don't have separate bank accounts. If you can't share finances, perhaps you should not be together.

Even if you don't share finances on a day-to-day basis, legally, there is no his and her money and his and her debts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, your money is your money. He racked up the bills, he pays for it. Don't be one of those women who help their men out at their own expense. Women need to be smart and not allow themselves to be manipulated.

This is dumb. You are married and are a partnership. Don't have separate bank accounts. If you can't share finances, perhaps you should not be together.

+1 When this is the other way around, I see women posting that he should help pay her debt. Now that it's a man doing it, he needs to take care of it on his own. I think they should pay it together but she should not do so until she gets to the bottom of what exactly he was buying. If we're talking 10 or 20k, what the heck is he spending that much on? How is he "hiding" his purchases? If everything turns out to be fine (ie: he's not cheating) then she should help him pay for the debt and they need to work on finances together.

Anonymous wrote:No, your money is your money. He racked up the bills, he pays for it. Don't be one of those women who help their men out at their own expense. Women need to be smart and not allow themselves to be manipulated.

This is dumb. You are married and are a partnership. Don't have separate bank accounts. If you can't share finances, perhaps you should not be together.

How much are we talking?

No, your money is your money. He racked up the bills, he pays for it. Don't be one of those women who help their men out at their own expense. Women need to be smart and not allow themselves to be manipulated.

Anonymous wrote:Transfer the balance to 0% and pay it off in chunks each month. Is your credit ruined though since he never paid on it?

Good advice. And make him pay for it. He won't have any "fun money" for a year or so. Too bad.

Define large.
Who does this?

I would not pay it. No incentive not to do it again. Don’t make it too easy. This is big. It’s more than just running up debt, it’s hiding something that effects you both.

Anonymous wrote:Transfer the balance to 0% and pay it off in chunks each month. Is your credit ruined though since he never paid on it?

Thanks. No, he had an autopay going that covered the minimum, so his credit is still good (not excellent). He apparently had no idea what the balance was. Only found out because I pulled credit reports as part of our mortgage application.

Transfer the balance to 0% and pay it off in chunks each month. Is your credit ruined though since he never paid on it?

I don't want to get into the relationship issues (I am livid) but it turns out DH has a large amount of credit card debt I didn't know about. He basically just spent and never opened the bills. He has cut up the card and agreed not to get another.

We could pay it off in one lump sum, but that would wipe out our joint account or else I would pay it out of my personal "mad money" that I was saving (he and I earn the same). I'm not sure I want to do either of those. I am thinking about having him transfer the balance to a 0% card and pay it off within 15 months. Any other options or advice?