I am so sorry OP, people can suck

Sending hugs, and ditto on the advice to document. We are actually dealing with something similar with our non-special needs child in MS. (SN child hasn't hit MS yet and I'm dreading it.) And yes, it is harder with multiple teachers. It's happened several times, but each teacher has probably only seen it 1x so they don't know it's a pattern/problem.

So how can middle schools effectively address bullying behavior? Do all the teachers work together? What do they do about lunch and hallways?

To the OP: would your daughter be comfortable giving a rehearsed comeback?

My favorite way to handle this is to find out who the parents are and politely explain to them that if your child doesn’t stop getting bullied, then they the parents are going to be bullied.

And make sure you are face to face when you gently put it this way.

23:40 here again. Thanks for your ideas, OP. I don’t know of folks in DD’s position IRL so your advice really helps.

I like the ideas where no verbal response is needed. Our DD says she is just so shocked and embarassed by some kids that she can’t think of a ready comeback even if we practice at home.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed about the teachers. Ours are trying but for us, it is multiple kids in unrelated situations/circumstances so more difficult to see and intervene. Also agree about trying to take the long view and learn to deal now.

OP, can you say what strategies you, your DC and their school have tried and what has been successful? We could use some fresh ideas.

Having multiple classes, teachers and passing periods makes catching this stuff so much harder. A lot bad stuff can happen in the hallways and/or in bathrooms.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed about the teachers. Ours are trying but for us, it is multiple kids in unrelated situations/circumstances so more difficult to see and intervene. Also agree about trying to take the long view and learn to deal now.

OP, can you say what strategies you, your DC and their school have tried and what has been successful? We could use some fresh ideas.

OP checking in. Sure!

One thing that reinforces the bullying is when she gets upset so to manage her emotions we suggest things like pretending she is watching a movie and it is happening to a character. She has empathy (contrary to the stereotype of Aspies) and that would upset her, but not like when it's personal. It sometimes helps her not give too much of an emotional response.

We have also had her pretend like she doesn't speak English and doesn't understand the words. This one actually had her laughing when she told us the story after. She turned her head like our dog does when he is confused and the girl started yelling at her and getting more angry and then a teacher overheard.

We also suggest the old fashioned "walk away" when it happens in the hallway. The girl has followed her rapidly, but one time a teacher did see that too and stopped them. (I said this has gone on 2 weeks, but that is the most recent. We had issues with this princess earlier in the schoolyear too).

When talking to the school I read our documentation without saying "I am documenting everything." I give date and approximate time. I also say my daughter says...rather than saying it like it is the gospel. I am open to hearing if my daughter did anything to the child and her wing girls.

Also to boost DD we have been trying to arrange to get together with her actual friends and are looking to try another non-school activity in a month.

Agreed about the teachers. Ours are trying but for us, it is multiple kids in unrelated situations/circumstances so more difficult to see and intervene. Also agree about trying to take the long view and learn to deal now.

OP, can you say what strategies you, your DC and their school have tried and what has been successful? We could use some fresh ideas.

OP here, thank you for these posts. Yep, it's middle school. I find the teacher makes such a difference. The ones who have their radar up and who care about inclusion catch things fast and stop the kid in his/her tracks.

It's amazing how one jerky kid can and some followers can really throw things off. It's practice though because people can be jerks later in life too and it's best to learn not to let them have power over your feelings. I get the sense the kid at the helm may have some serious problems so I do hope this kid gets help.

Anonymous wrote:I can relate, OP. My DC is in the same position. DC started MS this year and we were hoping there would opportunities to meet new kids and make a friend. But the mean kids seem to be everywhere. It has been a rotten couple of weeks but as you say, we will survive. The school is now on alert and we hope to get more safeguards and supports in place. I know how you feel about being thrown off. We had teached some level of equilibrium and now we are back waiting for that phone call from school. Stupid kids.

Hugs to you AND to OP.
And, for what it's worth, middle school pretty much sucks for EVERY child at some point--whether special needs or not. The age brings on so much in kids that they don't know how to deal with or control. So while it might not help to hear that (and I'm not trying to excuse the kids who transgressed against your child), it is a universal truth that middle school sucks and it does get better. So hang in there.

*to you.

Oh, I can relate. I'm so sorry, OP. It's so hard to send them to school sometimes. I hope the administration is helpful. That makes all the difference. We get a lot of lip-service (and even lies), which makes it h3ll. Document everything, even if you think the school is working on it constructively. Just in case. Big hug do you.

Anonymous wrote: We've been through it before. The school is involved. It's pretty nasty bullying and the ones involved know DC has special needs (Aspergers). DC was really upset, but is doing OK now since we got involved. I know how to support DC, been there done that. I just have so much going on right now and seeing DC so upset and having it really change things when the school year was going well has just made me so anxious. I feel like I was walking along multitasking when someone appeared out of nowhere and sucker punched me. I will be fine. DC will be fine. It has just been years since something like this threw me off so much. I am so jittery and heartbroken. My kid was so deflated by it all. I know it's practice for life and DC will build resilience. I just didn't see it coming and usually DC tells me right away. It had been going on for a while.

This too shall pass. Dusting ourselves off and getting back up, but still feeling wounded. Anyone relate?

How old is DC? Where are you?

I can relate, OP. My DC is in the same position. DC started MS this year and we were hoping there would opportunities to meet new kids and make a friend. But the mean kids seem to be everywhere. It has been a rotten couple of weeks but as you say, we will survive. The school is now on alert and we hope to get more safeguards and supports in place. I know how you feel about being thrown off. We had teached some level of equilibrium and now we are back waiting for that phone call from school. Stupid kids.

OP again, but a while I mean maybe 2 weeks or so and I had noticed some changes in DC, but before that it was a good school year.

We've been through it before. The school is involved. It's pretty nasty bullying and the ones involved know DC has special needs (Aspergers). DC was really upset, but is doing OK now since we got involved. I know how to support DC, been there done that. I just have so much going on right now and seeing DC so upset and having it really change things when the school year was going well has just made me so anxious. I feel like I was walking along multitasking when someone appeared out of nowhere and sucker punched me. I will be fine. DC will be fine. It has just been years since something like this threw me off so much. I am so jittery and heartbroken. My kid was so deflated by it all. I know it's practice for life and DC will build resilience. I just didn't see it coming and usually DC tells me right away. It had been going on for a while.

This too shall pass. Dusting ourselves off and getting back up, but still feeling wounded. Anyone relate?