Anonymous wrote:No, what a privileged position it would be to be able to do that. But I have managed to co-exist as a career woman and a mother, and both career and offspring are doing fine.

You have never been in a situation where you needed to so you can call it a privilege. I had no choice. I had a SN child and a relative I had to be a full time caregiver to and the cost of paying two people to do that (plus all the therapies for both of them) would be unaffordable. Then, we had some other major issues for several years. There was no way I could work and do it all. For me, working was a privilege. I hope you never have the things we have/had where it is a necessity. Its easy to be a mother when your kids can go to regular day care or get a nanny and its no issue. Its a different story when your child has 1-2 therapies a day that are up to 40 minutes each way plus a specialize preschool 35 minutes away. Not to mention the senior care (tried an adult day care and that didn't work as it was terrible).

No, what a privileged position it would be to be able to do that. But I have managed to co-exist as a career woman and a mother, and both career and offspring are doing fine.

I haven't given up my career, but it's clear to people I work with where I invest my best time and energy. I'm fortunate that I still make good money, but I've probably flat-lined.

I'm the father of 4 teens and they are doing very well and they know they are my priority - in fact, last week during dinner they told me they have a running-joke that I don't really have a job.

If these are the kinds of things that are mentioned when I'm on my dying bed or at my funeral - then I'm cool with that. How does the saying go, "This is not a rehearsal."

Signed,
Middle-age AA guy who never met his father

Better than giving up your family for a career.

There's a similar thread in the Special Needs forum. I had to quit to help my special needs child.

I did, and I struggle with not exactly regret, but great wistfulness. I wouldn’t change my mind, but I’m left wondering “what might have been”, and also this feeling of nostalgic longing that I can’t shake sometimes.

I did and there are days when I don't mind and other days that I miss it. Having hobbies and interests outside of my children help. I volunteer a little but do a lot of things that I enjoy and feel are an investment in my own interests. I find it much more rewarding now that the kids are older and I help with homework and have time to myself when they are at school.

I did. I left biglaw for government, and now I'm scaling back at that government job. Life is short and precious, and work is neither. I take pride in doing my job well but if I could (comfortably) afford to quit, I would in a heartbeat.

Anonymous wrote:I did and I don't regret it. Nothing that I got from my job except money mattered. Once I realized that climbing corporate ladder led to nowhere, it was easy for me to step back and focus on my family.

Pretty much me too. Sometimes I wonder if I have missed out but over all I don’t regret a second.

I did. We've had family issue after family issue and its never ending. Changing jobs or reducing hours isn't giving up a career. I completely walked away from mine.

Anonymous wrote:DH did. He left big law. He did a few different things for two years after DD was born, and then he and a friend started their own firm. They're both super involved dads and the main parents in each of their families.

What makes your husband the “main parent?” What a weird phrase.

DH did. He left big law. He did a few different things for two years after DD was born, and then he and a friend started their own firm. They're both super involved dads and the main parents in each of their families.

I essentially mommy-tracked myself at work. I still get paid well, but I don’t get the interesting projects that require long hours. I guess I have mixed feelings about it. Time will tell if this was the right choice.

I did and I don't regret it. Nothing that I got from my job except money mattered. Once I realized that climbing corporate ladder led to nowhere, it was easy for me to step back and focus on my family.

Did you give up or majorly adjust your career for family reasons? What helped you to come to terms with your decision?