Anonymous wrote:My mother was a helicopter parent. By all measures, I am a successful person- I went to the best universities, have a great career, a great marriage, beautiful children.

But I do not consider her helicopter parenting to be remotely "successful."

For one thing, a lot of life is the journey, and helicopter parenting makes the child's journey as miserable as possible. I think I only did well because of a keen sense of self-preservation, and I don't have much of a relationship with the helicopter parent, who I suspect is mentally ill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending kids to private school and paying for lots of activities isn’t helicopter parenting.

Yes it is.

Anonymous wrote:Sending kids to private school and paying for lots of activities isn’t helicopter parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the article kind of misrepresents the author's thesis. Read this instead:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/american-parents-scandinavian-different/582103/

The author of 'love, money and parenting' wanted to know why parenting was fun in Scandinavia where he used to live, and not so fun in America, where he now lives. he concludes that in Scandinavia there's much less payoff for being the best student, etc. since all of the schools are pretty good (don't have to have a fortune to live in a good school district); and since all the universities are pretty good too (You're not going to die if you don't get into princeton).

In other words, there's not a sense in Scandinavia that if you fall behind, your kid is going to be downwardly mobile and doomed to a life of poverty.

Parenting is less fun in America because it's perceived as incredibly high stakes, and it's considered possible to screw it up and suffer the consequences.

So we're starting to parent more like people do in places like India where education is your ticket out of poverty.

Personally, this just makes me sad. The message I took away wasn't "helicopter parenting works" but rather "how sad that in America childhood is no longer fun."

There’s actually a lot of mental illness and high suicide rates in Scandinavia. The culture can be stifling. Everyone is the SAME. You’re supposed to go along with the status quo. Laws and taxes keep everyone the same. So there is NO point in trying to pressure your kid to go to a top school, certain career, etc. because it ultimately will make very little difference in their life.

FWIW, there are serious waiting lists for top daycares in one Scandinavian country. It’s not as egalitarian as you might think

Of course there’s a point. There are people who are better off and who have more interesting careers that they have worked hard for. It’s just that no one is poor- which hopefully doesn’t pain you. But there’s a big difference between renting cars at the airport as a job and being a university professor. So there is a point to working hard[i].

In other words, there's not a sense in Scandinavia that if you fall behind, your kid is going to be downwardly mobile and doomed to a life of poverty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the article kind of misrepresents the author's thesis. Read this instead:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/american-parents-scandinavian-different/582103/

The author of 'love, money and parenting' wanted to know why parenting was fun in Scandinavia where he used to live, and not so fun in America, where he now lives. he concludes that in Scandinavia there's much less payoff for being the best student, etc. since all of the schools are pretty good (don't have to have a fortune to live in a good school district); and since all the universities are pretty good too (You're not going to die if you don't get into princeton).

In other words, there's not a sense in Scandinavia that if you fall behind, your kid is going to be downwardly mobile and doomed to a life of poverty.

Parenting is less fun in America because it's perceived as incredibly high stakes, and it's considered possible to screw it up and suffer the consequences.

So we're starting to parent more like people do in places like India where education is your ticket out of poverty.

Personally, this just makes me sad. The message I took away wasn't "helicopter parenting works" but rather "how sad that in America childhood is no longer fun."

There’s actually a lot of mental illness and high suicide rates in Scandinavia. The culture can be stifling. Everyone is the SAME. You’re supposed to go along with the status quo. Laws and taxes keep everyone the same. So there is NO point in trying to pressure your kid to go to a top school, certain career, etc. because it ultimately will make very little difference in their life.

FWIW, there are serious waiting lists for top daycares in one Scandinavian country. It’s not as egalitarian as you might think

Of course there’s a point. There are people who are better off and who have more interesting careers that they have worked hard for. It’s just that no one is poor- which hopefully doesn’t pain you. But there’s a big difference between renting cars at the airport as a job and being a university professor. So there is a point to working hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the article kind of misrepresents the author's thesis. Read this instead:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/american-parents-scandinavian-different/582103/

The author of 'love, money and parenting' wanted to know why parenting was fun in Scandinavia where he used to live, and not so fun in America, where he now lives. he concludes that in Scandinavia there's much less payoff for being the best student, etc. since all of the schools are pretty good (don't have to have a fortune to live in a good school district); and since all the universities are pretty good too (You're not going to die if you don't get into princeton).

In other words, there's not a sense in Scandinavia that if you fall behind, your kid is going to be downwardly mobile and doomed to a life of poverty.

Parenting is less fun in America because it's perceived as incredibly high stakes, and it's considered possible to screw it up and suffer the consequences.

So we're starting to parent more like people do in places like India where education is your ticket out of poverty.

Personally, this just makes me sad. The message I took away wasn't "helicopter parenting works" but rather "how sad that in America childhood is no longer fun."

There’s actually a lot of mental illness and high suicide rates in Scandinavia. The culture can be stifling. Everyone is the SAME. You’re supposed to go along with the status quo. Laws and taxes keep everyone the same. So there is NO point in trying to pressure your kid to go to a top school, certain career, etc. because it ultimately will make very little difference in their life.

FWIW, there are serious waiting lists for top daycares in one Scandinavian country. It’s not as egalitarian as you might think

Anonymous wrote:Sending kids to private school and paying for lots of activities isn’t helicopter parenting.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the article kind of misrepresents the author's thesis. Read this instead:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/american-parents-scandinavian-different/582103/

The author of 'love, money and parenting' wanted to know why parenting was fun in Scandinavia where he used to live, and not so fun in America, where he now lives. he concludes that in Scandinavia there's much less payoff for being the best student, etc. since all of the schools are pretty good (don't have to have a fortune to live in a good school district); and since all the universities are pretty good too (You're not going to die if you don't get into princeton).

In other words, there's not a sense in Scandinavia that if you fall behind, your kid is going to be downwardly mobile and doomed to a life of poverty.

Parenting is less fun in America because it's perceived as incredibly high stakes, and it's considered possible to screw it up and suffer the consequences.

So we're starting to parent more like people do in places like India where education is your ticket out of poverty.

Personally, this just makes me sad. The message I took away wasn't "helicopter parenting works" but rather "how sad that in America childhood is no longer fun."