Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 17:56     Subject: Re:How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:I attempted to put it down gently and it has turned into a string of after-texts regarding how I'm being unreasonable. Our main difference is that he is extremely pro-life and I am not. I was sexually assaulted in college , got pregnant as a result, and he believes that even in those cases, women should not be able to have abortions. I did have one, and I did not even mention but could see myself having to walk on eggshells, therefore, not a relationship for me.


Rule #1: you don't argue someone out of breaking up with you. Amazing how many people don't get this. It's ok to stop responding to him. When he gets angry (and he may), just block him. People who can't hear "no" have issues.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 17:55     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is no good way. Especially because he does NOT want to be friends with you. If you don't want a romantic relationship, best to end cleanly and not have some bullshit "just friends" situation that allows him to cling to the hope that you'll eventually change your mind about sex. (Because that is what he will do.)


That’s his problem. OP doesn’t have to end the relationship on the premise that no man is mature enough to be friends with a woman. Just be clear that you only want friendship, OP, and understand that it’s his choice to continue as friends or not (if he doesn’t want to be only friends).


She doesn't "have to" but it is the decent thing to do. And also, from a self-interested perspective, it saves her pain in the long run, because a guy that approached her seeking romance is never going to let go of that. When she says LJBF, what he will hear is "she didn't completely dump me so I still have a chance if I hang in there long enough." Eventually he will raise the subject again. To avoid that awkward future scene, break it off completely now.


It's not awkward for OP. If it's awkward for the guy, that's his issue. OP owes him a clear, kind explanation. And that's all. Women are raised to not make a fuss or make men uncomfortable. That needs to change.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 17:02     Subject: Re:How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:I attempted to put it down gently and it has turned into a string of after-texts regarding how I'm being unreasonable. .


This is why people ghost other people - they don't want to deal with people who can't accept "no".
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 16:16     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
"This isn't going to work. You seem like a good person, but we have radically different life views. Let's just part ways amicably and get on with our lives."
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 16:13     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With a cake. People like cake. Don't do this if he/she is diabetic or trying to lose weight.

Yes. This.


OP here, I did buy him a cake pop! He did not take it but it was deliciously moist so his loss.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 16:12     Subject: Re:How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
I attempted to put it down gently and it has turned into a string of after-texts regarding how I'm being unreasonable. Our main difference is that he is extremely pro-life and I am not. I was sexually assaulted in college , got pregnant as a result, and he believes that even in those cases, women should not be able to have abortions. I did have one, and I did not even mention but could see myself having to walk on eggshells, therefore, not a relationship for me.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 14:41     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Forget the just be friends thought. That doesn't work. If you want to break up gently, blame yourself/you want different things/you're not ready for a relationship. Clean and quick.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 13:33     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:With a cake. People like cake. Don't do this if he/she is diabetic or trying to lose weight.

Yes. This.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 13:25     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is no good way. Especially because he does NOT want to be friends with you. If you don't want a romantic relationship, best to end cleanly and not have some bullshit "just friends" situation that allows him to cling to the hope that you'll eventually change your mind about sex. (Because that is what he will do.)


That’s his problem. OP doesn’t have to end the relationship on the premise that no man is mature enough to be friends with a woman. Just be clear that you only want friendship, OP, and understand that it’s his choice to continue as friends or not (if he doesn’t want to be only friends).


She doesn't "have to" but it is the decent thing to do. And also, from a self-interested perspective, it saves her pain in the long run, because a guy that approached her seeking romance is never going to let go of that. When she says LJBF, what he will hear is "she didn't completely dump me so I still have a chance if I hang in there long enough." Eventually he will raise the subject again. To avoid that awkward future scene, break it off completely now.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 13:02     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
With a cake. People like cake. Don't do this if he/she is diabetic or trying to lose weight.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 12:51     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:What's the best way to tell a new almost relationship that you would like to be friends but could never be together long-term b/c of radically different life views?


You say that. But you also say you understand if they don't want to be friends, and you accept that graciously.

And there's no guarantee that you will be friends, or that they will take it well, or anything. And that's okay, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 12:47     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
Anonymous wrote:There is no good way. Especially because he does NOT want to be friends with you. If you don't want a romantic relationship, best to end cleanly and not have some bullshit "just friends" situation that allows him to cling to the hope that you'll eventually change your mind about sex. (Because that is what he will do.)


That’s his problem. OP doesn’t have to end the relationship on the premise that no man is mature enough to be friends with a woman. Just be clear that you only want friendship, OP, and understand that it’s his choice to continue as friends or not (if he doesn’t want to be only friends).
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 12:41     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
There is no good way. Especially because he does NOT want to be friends with you. If you don't want a romantic relationship, best to end cleanly and not have some bullshit "just friends" situation that allows him to cling to the hope that you'll eventually change your mind about sex. (Because that is what he will do.)
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 12:41     Subject: Re:How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
What you just said.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 12:32     Subject: How to amicably turn down a relationship but leave it on good terms
What's the best way to tell a new almost relationship that you would like to be friends but could never be together long-term b/c of radically different life views?