I had a roommate in college who was the only person who ever truly bullied me. She physically and verbally intimidated me the entire time we lived together. She caused me to drop out of school for part of a semester because I couldn’t take it any more. Getting away from her was the most freeing event of my life. I wouldn’t say I hated her (I can’t think of anyone I hate), but my negative feelings towards her were very strong for a few years. I haven’t given her much thought in many years.

Guess who tried to friend me on Facebook recently? Now I find myself thinking of her for the first time in years and ruminating over the question of why she would reach out. I feel vaguely insulted. Does she want me to admire her life? Is she playing a mind game like she did back in the day? Is she clueless? Is it possible that she had a total personality change and has an apology to offer?

Anyway, not hate, but those buried memories and negative emotions weren’t too far from the surface 25 years later, given the right trigger.

I'm Irish, so my answer is, "Stop hating someone? Let go of grievances? I do not understand these words..."

I would say it all truly depends on how deep the knife wound is.

The deeper the cut - the longer it will take time to heal.

Just remember it does pass, like all things it will fade into the background, unless you purposely feed it by looking this person up on social media etc and stoking your own fire with new information.

It takes a couple of years. Apathy is your goal.

Anonymous wrote:I am speaking about a friend who deeply wronged you and is no longer in your life. I have really been working on this - prayer and meditation to forgive her. I really want to let it go and I do succeed at it for about an hour or two and then my anger comes slamming back.

How long is this going to take?

Depends on what caused the fight. Did they cheat with your husband on you or was it more personality differences?

I hated my cousin when I as growing up and into my 30s. I went to a lot of therapy and finally go to a place where I just didn't care about her anymore. That really didn't happen until all of her connected family was out of my life though which occurred when her father died. I just do not care about her anymore. You still care which is why you hate. If you didn't care, then it would have no effect on you anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Hate uses up a lot of YOUR energy. If you have cut this person out of your life, isn't that enough?

OP is talking about the emotion of it. Being “enough” doesn’t come into play. You feel what you feel.

It can take a long time, OP. Just keep doing what you’re doing in working to forgive her and find peace. Then one day you’ll realize you have no feeling one way or the other.

Good luck! It truly sucks when you are hurt by a friend.

Hate uses up a lot of YOUR energy. If you have cut this person out of your life, isn't that enough?

I'm coming up on the 6th anniversary of the last time a former best friend and I spoke. My hurt and anger was very strong for at least a year, and I thought about everything that happened often. It definitely lessened over the second year, and sometime in the past couple of years she's become just somebody that I used to know.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed that it takes a couple of years. My "friend -> ex-friend" episode happened 5 years ago and I still think about it from time to time. I was only for a short period of time - maybe several months, the rest was just hurt and betrayal and bad dreams. It's lessened a lot over the years.

Meant to say "I was only angry for a short period of time"

Agreed that it takes a couple of years. My "friend -> ex-friend" episode happened 5 years ago and I still think about it from time to time. I was only for a short period of time - maybe several months, the rest was just hurt and betrayal and bad dreams. It's lessened a lot over the years.

It took me around 2.5 years but I feel better about it and might even smile if I saw her (not that I want to see her). I was deeply wronged and even though I’m early 40s that might have been the first time I had experienced real hate.

Years, it’s an ongoing process for serious emotional pain.

I am speaking about a friend who deeply wronged you and is no longer in your life. I have really been working on this - prayer and meditation to forgive her. I really want to let it go and I do succeed at it for about an hour or two and then my anger comes slamming back.

How long is this going to take?