Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with a BPD sibling. It turned into them yelling and blaming me the entire time, quitting going to sessions, and them blaming me for it not going anywhere.

I'd say it was still semi productive - I got some validation knowing I tried, and it solidified me not wanting much to do with them going forward.

This was my experience. It was apparent from the beginning that the therapist was trying to make me the scapegoa and the cause of all of my mom’s problems. There wasn’t any indication that this therapist was trying to help my mom with herself, but rather, change the rest of us. The funniest part was my mom convinced the therapist that my dad had anger issues and needed medication. Well, yes. He’s angry he has to put up with your narcissistic BS!

I left laughing, but knowing things would never change, but I felt I was granted permission to not care anymore. And I don’t.

If your mother is a covert narcissist, they are hard to diagnose, as they come across as the victim and are oftentimes given meds for depression. Your dad is most likely reaching his limits. Some co-narcs (or co-dependents) stay in that role forever. Others - like me, for example - figure it out and cut the ties.

The therapist sucked! You're a victim - or were a victim. Initially, it's hard, as leaving a narc behind is like a death. So you're depressed, angry, sad, resentful . . . until you fully heal. The goal is to NOT pass along any of this to your own kids. Figure out your triggers b/c you'll have some; trust me on that.

I'd say this is a great question for your first individual therapy session.

Ha. I mean, just trying to talk to my mother about her emotional self-centered decision-making was a disaster. I think she'd turn the therapy session into: "I'm a selfless martyr, and my beloved daughter is disturbed and believes I'm evil. Watery smile. Long-suffering sigh. Eyelash flutter."

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn't be productive would it?

useless

They don't change. i cut my mother out for the most part. When she becomes ill, I'll deal. For now, I'm an hour away, which is a great buffer.

Anonymous wrote:I did this with a BPD sibling. It turned into them yelling and blaming me the entire time, quitting going to sessions, and them blaming me for it not going anywhere.

I'd say it was still semi productive - I got some validation knowing I tried, and it solidified me not wanting much to do with them going forward.

This was my experience. It was apparent from the beginning that the therapist was trying to make me the scapegoa and the cause of all of my mom’s problems. There wasn’t any indication that this therapist was trying to help my mom with herself, but rather, change the rest of us. The funniest part was my mom convinced the therapist that my dad had anger issues and needed medication. Well, yes. He’s angry he has to put up with your narcissistic BS!

I left laughing, but knowing things would never change, but I felt I was granted permission to not care anymore. And I don’t.

Anonymous wrote:You will never have a normal relationship with them.

You could consider individual counseling to manage your interactions better.

+1. Yes to individual counseling, so you can understand and guard against dynamics that are negative for you, and so that you can figure out what is realistic to expect from the relationships.

Anonymous wrote:You will never have a normal relationship with them.

You could consider individual counseling to manage your interactions better.

+1

I did this with a BPD sibling. It turned into them yelling and blaming me the entire time, quitting going to sessions, and them blaming me for it not going anywhere.

I'd say it was still semi productive - I got some validation knowing I tried, and it solidified me not wanting much to do with them going forward.

You will never have a normal relationship with them.

You could consider individual counseling to manage your interactions better.

Anonymous wrote:No. BTDT. And don’t ever think about using a therapist already familiar with them. They’ll never side with you.

Don’t do it.

Thank you. I won't do it. You probably just saved me from walking nto a trap. I m do desperate to have a normal parent/child relationship.

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to achieve?

I don't know. Maybe a normal relationship?

What do you hope to achieve?

No. BTDT. And don’t ever think about using a therapist already familiar with them. They’ll never side with you.

Don’t do it.

If they really have NPD, then no, it won’t help.

It wouldn't be productive would it?