I would wait until my youngest was 5 years old.

I am planning on having a third but I am waiting until my second turns 4 so that the second and the third are 5 years apart.

I currently have only 2, and sometimes I feel like I cheated my first out of toddlerhood by having a second when the first was still 2.5.

I think younger kids need a lot of "physical" attention that spacing them out would help both your third and fourth child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

I think in this case, they should. 3 kids are already a lot (I have 3 too) and there’s no way those kids don’t want more of their mom’s attention, especially given that she works out of the home. An adopted child would already look and feel different, the last thing they’d need is for their new siblings to totally resent that he or she is there and make a difficult process even more difficult.

Parenting teens really sucks. But if your marriage is solid, and your husband actively parents— than yes.

Anonymous wrote:I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

Kids don't get a vote on whether they have a sibling. If that were the case, half the children in America wouldn't be born.

Yes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you managing the 3 kids under 8 that you have now? Is it easy/manageable or are you barely keeping afloat? Sounds like you and your DH have flexible jobs (which will help), but since you mention grandparents being 40 min away as a drawback, not sure if you were counting on them to help.

OP - it’s great! I think we imagined that we’d be able to travel more so that may be the biggest thing to take a hit.

Then sure, why not? My neighbors have 6 kids and two WOHM parents. From watching them, I would say the biggest thing to be careful of is making sure the older kids don't become de facto parents to the younger ones. And also, as your children age, you may not be able to take all family vacations anyway, because they have activities...(so you take 3 of 4 kids on vacation and the other one stays with a friend to do swim practice.)

I think the only problem is the “I” in your post.

What does your husband think?
And do you think your kids would be on board? Have they expressed interest in a sibling?

No.

What does "not rich but are ok," mean?

Anonymous wrote:How are you managing the 3 kids under 8 that you have now? Is it easy/manageable or are you barely keeping afloat? Sounds like you and your DH have flexible jobs (which will help), but since you mention grandparents being 40 min away as a drawback, not sure if you were counting on them to help.

OP - it’s great! I think we imagined that we’d be able to travel more so that may be the biggest thing to take a hit.

Anonymous wrote:I have 4. Will you have childcare help? My biggest issue is the older ones have activities and sports and I don't want to wake the baby from a nap or drag him around etc... I try to get help for those circumstances and that makes a big difference. My baby is only 10 months old, but that is the biggest challenge I have had so far and getting someone to stay with the baby or drive my older kids has helped the situation. I love our family! Everyone loves the baby. He brings us so much joy

My older two are in elementary. My youngest is in a home daycare which we love and I will probably keep her there. If we adopt, the program says children are usually about age 2 when they come home. Yes we’ll have to handle trauma but I don’t think it will be like a napping schedule issue. I’m hoping as my kids get older they can walk/bike themselves to activities...

I have 4. Will you have childcare help? My biggest issue is the older ones have activities and sports and I don't want to wake the baby from a nap or drag him around etc... I try to get help for those circumstances and that makes a big difference. My baby is only 10 months old, but that is the biggest challenge I have had so far and getting someone to stay with the baby or drive my older kids has helped the situation. I love our family! Everyone loves the baby. He brings us so much joy

Yes!!

How are you managing the 3 kids under 8 that you have now? Is it easy/manageable or are you barely keeping afloat? Sounds like you and your DH have flexible jobs (which will help), but since you mention grandparents being 40 min away as a drawback, not sure if you were counting on them to help.

Help me become clear on whether to proceed with a fourth child or not. I am only considering adoption and have extensively researched it (as well as being an adoptee myself):

Why it would be ok:
I always wanted a big family
We can afford it (not rich but we are ok)
Our house is big enough (would be able to give each kid their own room eventually if so desired)
I always wanted to adopt but the circumstances weren’t right before
We live walking distance to elementary, middle & high schools, YMCA, small playground, 15 min from shops/restaurants
DH works for himself
My commute is 20 min including drop off/pickup
We live simply

Why it might not work:
I WOHM and don’t plan to quit
My oldest is 8 so not sure what parenting older kids/teens is like
Grandparents are 40 min away
Vacations/cars/etc nigh impossible?

Am I in fantasy land? I know so few people with 4 kids it seems scary.