My sister and I told my parents that if they don’t get their crap together or divorce, then we will both run away to a shelter. It was hell with them together. Love them both when they divorced

Dear selfish divorcees, your kids would prefer a happy intact family

Anonymous wrote:

I begged my parents to get divorced.

I was happy my parents divorced.

red

You are both making shit up. Knock it off.

I did, too. I actually said, with these exact words, to my mom, that if “you don’t divorce him, I will!” I don’t understand why you’re so skeptical. Not everyone has the same life experiences you had. My parents ended up getting a divorce when I was 13. Best decision they’ve ever made.

NP. I wished my parents would divorce. Instead, they made each other miserable until one of them became terminally ill. Now the parent who died is lauded as a saint. I have spent years trying to unlearn the dirty fighting and bad habits I witnessed growing up.

Anonymous wrote:

I begged my parents to get divorced.

I was happy my parents divorced.

red

You are both making shit up. Knock it off.

I felt total relief that it was over. Nobody wants to walk on egg shells around their own parents. I would so nervous about approaching my dad about anything because he was always so pissed off. I would actually rehearse what I was going to say to him in case he started getting angry. I would also judge when to write him a note vs. talking to him. So yes, I was very relieved when he moved out. It took him about 6 months to calm down after he left but he finally got to a point where he wasn't always pissed off. My mom also chilled out and became much easier to deal with.

My sister divorced last year under similar circumstances . My niece and nephew reacted similarly in front of their parents. I can say they have been more emotional about it in front of me and their cousins. Basically it's mixed emotions happy mom and dad are no longer fighting, but stress, sadness,and anger over how their family changed. Basically be patient.

I begged my parents to get divorced.

I was happy my parents divorced.

red

You are both making shit up. Knock it off.

I was happy my parents divorced. It doesn't always have to be earth shattering for kids. My parents were much better apart and therefore our family life improved tremendously.

I begged my parents to get divorced. I begged my mom not to go home at night, but to stay at her girlfriends' place. She didn't listen. I hate both of my parents.
Won't shed a tear when they drop dead. They both love my sister and I dearly and have done a lot for us.
They got divorced when I was in high school and my sister in college. 10 years too late.

Keep talking to them about it.

My friend had 3 teens (13, 15 adn 17). Her kids actually asked them to divorce as they were tired of the fights and my friend and her ex had been living in separate bedrooms and basically already living separate lives. All 3 kids were happy about the divorce, it was very amicable, my friend and her ex lived less than 5 minutes apart, kids kept all same friends and schools but - it ended up being a very rough next 5 years. The 17 year old decided to live with his dad, the younger two with mom. The two girls ended up finding the divorce and split up of the family really hard.

They are all now fine and moving on and my friend says she would still divorce again but would be it differently

Both parents are heavily involved, moreso the father (me).

Mother had an affair. They do not know. I won’t tell them but would prefer mother did.

It’s relatively civil and there won’t be a custody fight. We at least agree they come first.

It is still surreal to them and, depending on the age of your kids, it is still a very abstract concept.

How old are the kids?

Are you truly divorced or beginning/announcing the separation/living apart stage? Big difference.

Are you and spouse civil to each other? Keeping the kids on same normal routine (Mom picks up Kid A from school like normal, Dad is driving Kid B to basketball practice)?

It takes time for the new normal to set in and realizing the change in family dynamics. If spouse was never around to begin with, than announcing divorce/separation won't faze the kids, as much, since the one parent was never in the picture to begin with.

Good luck. Hugs to the kids. Perhaps they don't know how to express themselves or find the right words for their emotions. Keep communication opened. Empathy too.

Good advice, actually. Thanks.

They are 16 and 14.

Yes, it is early days.

They're probably telling you what you want to hear. Or they haven't really thought about it yet. The immediate relief of their parents maybe stopping fighting so much (not all divorced couples stop fighting though) is kicking in, and the negatives of financial problems, "blended" family unpleasantness, and having to schlepp back and forth for the rest of their lives, have not sunk in yet. Their opinions of your divorce may change over time. Be prepared and don't pat yourself on the back yet.

Relieved, even.

I guess we should have decided this earlier.