Anonymous wrote:My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.

It sounds like he just got caught up in the moment. If he says that in a dark alley, then he means it. He was probably re-creating a hallmark moment that he always dreamed of.

Anonymous wrote:He was trying to get a feel. You should just tell him “awesome, I feel the same, let’s ge married!” It’s not that complicated, don’t overthink it it. Good luck

Thanks this was helpful- good point about not overthinking!

No one is cheating. He has been healing from a tough divorce, I lost my DH to an illness. We are both a bit bruised, and I consider it a small miracle that we even found one another. But the “be together forever” really bugs me. It’s vague/open ended.

He was trying to get a feel. You should just tell him “awesome, I feel the same, let’s ge married!” It’s not that complicated, don’t overthink it it. Good luck

Anonymous wrote:My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.

Then you have your answer and can make your own choice.

If you say nothing and he wants to be “together forever” for another five years ... then there you will be.

What do you want?

Anonymous wrote:My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.

I know this person.

He’s cheating on you. I know someone who has been seeing someone for 5yrs and used his divorce/kid as an excuse to not remarry but all along he’s been cheating on his SO!

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been tiptoeing around this question for 5 years. At year 6 you’ll break up.

He’s going to marry the next girl in 6 months.

People treat you how you demand to be treated. No more, no less.

Ouch. Well, there is the usual set of complexities in our relationship (divorce, kids, etc) but nothing wildly usual. However this really hits a nerve. I think you are correct. He is kind of a “higher status” person, from my point of view. Although I know I’m a worthy person. But I do sort of wait on him to call the shots in our relationship. I’ve craved stability and commitment from early on, and he was wanted to keep his distance, all the while telling me I’m the only person he wants to be with.

But to my original question, do divorced people who want a commitment but not marriage say stuff like that??

You’ve been tiptoeing around this question for 5 years. At year 6 you’ll break up.

He’s going to marry the next girl in 6 months.

People treat you how you demand to be treated. No more, no less.

You'll break up and he'll Mary the next girl. But he doesn't want to marry you?

He loves you, and feels some type of way. If it has been 5 years why haven't you had a discussion about marriage yet?

If you can’t discuss this with him after 5 years, there’s a big problem.

5 years?

You’re his forever fiancé.

Could you say, "I'd marry you if you asked me"?

5 years is a long time to spend with someone if you're not looking for the same things.

Ask him what his intentions are....communicate that you someday want marriage whether it’s to him or someone else

Maybe he was trying to get a feel for what you’d say if he asked you to marry him.

My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.